Well, I’ve made up my mind, I’m moving to Seattle this month sometime. I’m going to stay with my Aunt and go to school. I’ll need to go over a couple of weeks before school starts so I can find a job. My Gram and I got drunk and discussed the whole thing. I’m actually looking forward to it. It’ll give me a broader view of whats real and what’s false. I’m really concentrating on ‘getting my act together’ in school, although I still believe, and I will always believe, that school is my nemesis. I’ve gone through too many years facing the same, superficial, antagonistic, nail pounding fuckers. Hopefully over there I’ll find new soil in which to plant my seeds. And if things go as planned I could graduate this year! Well Griff is a sweet guy, but he’s going nowhere! And if things are as beautiful as I think they are getting, I want to do everything I can to make you happy. (Don’t feel pressure or anything, I just like saying those things to make me feel like I have a purpose)
I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I look at your picture and I think of all the bizarre things we did together, that really didn’t make any sense, but they still played an important roll in our lives.
God, I just want to squeeze every drop of life, love, happiness, romance, thought and feeling out of you and pour it into a bottle called eternity, a place where I keep mine and shake it madly until you and both shoot up out of it in a great sensuous light, loving, romping, fucking, and bucking off into the unknown like wild broncos.
Though you have tried hard not to give in,
It’s time to enter a world of pretend.
A world of old creatures with a legend,
to offend and defend.
Where the women fuck to find a friend,
and no men are gentleman.
It is me you want,
to help you pretend.
It is my lips you want
To help you ascend
Give to me your flesh
And I will give you my skin
I am your servant
Until the end.
Take all of this from me
Then wear my love like a blouse
My body compared with yours
Is nothing but a doll in a clown house.
Feed me your love!
I have cried in disguise
Recognize! Manipulate! & Energize!
But if you must use me for a chill
Then devour me if you will.
Take anything from me
If your searching for just a thrill.
But I still worship and adore you,
just like I always will.
Well you said to be honest with you, so, there you go. I wrote that especially for you. I think of you practically day and night. Sometimes I think I am going to go to far with what I say. Almost to the point where I would be afraid to see you. Maybe I couldn’t live up to my words. I never stop to think what sort of long term effect my words will have. I just know I need to say these things to you. I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel that I’m just kidding myself, that I should just run away from all this. But I have such a tremendous urge to please you and only you in every way imaginable.
But anyway, it’s good to hear everything is going ok for you. What about college for you? I think I’ll go somewhere when I’m done with this bullshit. Some sort of art school maybe, or one of those mini colleges, I don’t remember the real name. Or maybe I’ll just be for a year or so, who knows. What do you want to do when high school is over? Beat up Mr.Karate himself with what you know? Go into law? Work on the railroads? Screw the tops on toothpaste bottles? Go to the University of Washington to become a Husky? What do you want to do, I swear you are so secretive!
I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to think of a cool way to finish off the letter. Shit, I hate this part! I could sit here for hours on end trying to find some cool Wordsworth end the letter with. I’ve always hated this part of a letter, I can never think of what to say. I guess I won’t say anything. I’ll just