Lie back and think of not being a virgin anymore

I was 15 when I lost my virginity with R who was all blonde hair blue eyes and hairless chest. He was four years older than me (dont call the police) and he was a family friend. I was infatuated he unfortunately wasn't. For him it was the thrill of doing it on my parents sofa whilst they slept upstairs. For me it was painful. Did he take advantage? No I knew what I was doing, I wanted him it was the first time I ever felt horny and the first time I realised someone wanted me (first kiss didn't count) I liked knowing he wanted me that although inexperienced I seemed to know what I was doing (and I was good at making the right noises) he kept me strung along for the next four years although the last two of them he was in a relationship with someone else. How did he keep me going for so long? Simple I was in love with him. Did we spend time together? Yeah sure we did having sex, did he take me on any dates? No in the whole 1460 days that I spent with him I spent two nights actually sleeping next to him in a bed overnight. In a hotel (he paid.) I don't know what I loved about him I know now that it doesn't compare to how I feel for my current boyfriend it frustrates me that I wasted so much time. I ask myself why did I keep going back? It wasn't a relationship although I kidded myself it was I think I just loved the chase and the fact it was so naughty. All the sneaking around dirty texts and rough sex I liked it I liked that it was a dirty little secret. The fact that he had me doggy style on the landing whilst there was a family party going on downstairs I was clearly young and reckless enough and at that time going through an awful break up. Did he have sex with me at my most vulnerable times? Sure he did but at the time I needed that affection. I was selfish and gave no thought to his gf I just had it in my head he was mine first. Luckily we didn't get found out and I was the one who ended it which I was proud of. The last time we had sex was in the back of his works van legs open as he pounded away I thought 'I'm worth more than this.' I was bored of the sex and didn't know how or want to spice It up. I did what he wanted when he wanted. I learnt how to turn him on. Did he ever make me orgasm? Nope. But I got brilliant at blow jobs.

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