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Sparkle (1)
I like to think my obsession with food is a healthy one. But sitting here, pondering the secrets of perfect sourdough and the merits of homemade ricotta cheese, I realise that the "healthy" part of my love affair with food came only after many years of trial, error, gains and losses. Some of that was body weight - I'm 40 lbs less than I was 10 years ago - but the rest has been learning how to live in way that makes me feel good about myself and comfortable in my own skin.
The more I learn, the more I realise that food should be enjoyed, not feared; exercise should enrich the mind, not just the body; and most of all, there's nothing healthy about worrying about being healthy.
I don't have it all figured out, and I never will, but with each day, week, month and year, I think I'm getting closer to some kind of a truth. Here's a run-down of how it's gone so far, where I've been, and where I'm going.
1979
I've always loved food.
I thank my family for instilling me with an almost religious appreciation for a “good meal”. Food was always an instrumental part of our celebrations, with my relatives giving as much care and attention to the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie as they did to their growing adolescent children. And like most American families in the 70's and 80's, our daily food habits were heavily swayed by the marvel of modern convenience: frozen pizza, Campbell's tomato soup, hot dogs, kraft mac and cheese (Velveeta Shells and Cheese were a special treat).
1985
All of the women in my family have struggled with their weight.
As a result, I grew up worrying about my own potential fatness. I knew I didn't want to spend my whole life fighting the bulge (not to mention diabetes, high blood pressure, etc), but I also didn't know what to do to prevent this from happening. Thus, I continued to lunch on grilled cheese sandwiches and Kool Aid.
1991
The first time I started thinking about the quality of the food I eat was when I became a vegetarian.
My reasoning probably had more to do with my desire not to eat my pets than to eat healthy food, but it did set me on the path to thinking about what I DID want to put in my body. Unfortunately, this also set me on a path to eating lots of pasta and cheese. This trend continued well into my college years.
1999
We’ve all heard of the Freshman Fifteen.
Mine was more like the Fresh-Soph-Junior-Senior Thirty. In college, I discovered beer, cigarettes, quesadillas and Easy Mac (just when you thought mac and cheese couldn't get any easier, Kraft pulled out all the stops and made this marvellous meal microwaveable).
2002
I started going to the gym.
Even though I had a college education behind me, and a whole three years of grad school ahead, I hadn’t made much healthy progress since my early adolescent worries of getting fat. So, without much of a plan, I started going to the gym regularly. I was still eating mass quantities of cheese, drinking too much beer, and smoking half a pack a day, but at least I was exercising.
2003
I quit smoking and started running.
My boyfriend inspired me to quit smoking, and we inspired each other to start running. I also started lifting weights at the gym and learning how to use free weights. After a while, I started to feel almost strong.
2005
My eating and drinking habits finally caught up with me.
No, I didn't have a heart attack or get burned by a flaming hot piece of cheese. But it occurred to me that I didn’t feel altogether “well”. As much as I was pleased with my running and exercise, I was tired of feeling lethargic all the time, sacrificing sleep for parties, and Saturday for hangovers. I wanted to feel healthy.
2005
Journaling changed everything.
My food diary turned me on to the startling realization that there were days when 50% of the calories I consumed came from alcohol (and the rest from cheese enchiladas, nachos and pizza). So I started making some changes, one at a time. First, I limited my intake of alcohol
