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I’ve been quiet lately because I lost my dear mother not quite two weeks ago. Obviously, this has been a rough time. I’m an only child which means that whatever needs to be done is my responsibility. My husband has been great and wonderfully supportive. It has been important to have him to look at things with more of a clear head. There are still many things left to tackle, but those will be done in time. Friends have been so supportive with their thoughts, prayers and bringing dinners over for the family. I have my good and bad moments and days.
What I’ve realized in the face of my own very personal loss, life around me goes on around me and I have to go along with it. My kids still need to be fed and have clean clothes. They will go to school, swimming lessons, ballet, therapy, and playdates. Doing these “normal” tasks, my daily routines, have turned out to be a huge help to me! My mind isn’t dwelling on my loss, but keeping busy with other things. I go to the store or to our bowling league and watch the people around me. They are going about their lives, most unaware of what has happened in my life. Sometimes I shout to them in my mind, “Don’t you know that my mother has died?!” But, I don’t. I go on with my routine.
In a way I’ve been through this before. My dad died 22 years ago. It’s different though. I was 22 years old and my mom took care of everything. I didn’t feel so alone. Now, I’m 44 with a family of my own. In the midst of my own busy life I am now responsible for my mom’s affairs. And even though I have my own family and a wonderful, busy life, I now feel kind of alone. My mom was a connection to so many other friends and family members. I don’t want to lose a connection to these people, but it will be a challenge to keep up with everyone.
I guess I’m still in a surreal fog. I still expect her to call. I think about calling her to tell her something funny one of the kids has said or done. My mom was a wonderful, special woman. She was certainly loved by her friends and family. She was active in her community, a good role model for me. So now I want to do things to make her proud because I know she is up there watching. I love you, Mom!
