Life As A Headcase: I Can Feel The BPD Getting Ready to Blow

I've come a long way to understanding and accepting who I am and why I docant-handle-me-at-my-worst-2 what I do.  I understand it comes from a childhood filled with terror, trauma and severe abuse and neglect.  My attempts to not let anyone ever know that it happened made it that much worse.  I am not even sure if I have multiple personality disorder or not but the signs are there. And...I get very angry about this and about my little sister also being institutionalized for the same thing although she has a much more dire diagnosis and prognosis.  

It still makes me so angry to see two lives so impacted by senseless and selfish behavior of two adults whose job was to keep them safe and raise two productive and adjusted adults.

chaos and creativity

So...where does that leave me.  Angry, yes, but there's nothing to do about that.  

My goal now is to continue therapy to learn how to take the edge off the highs and especially the lows.  How to be in a relationship with other people without having the crazies come out to play. And especially how to understand happiness even when the darks come...knowing I am loved and supported no matter what, my emotional behavior is accepted as something most of the time I have little control over,  and I am encouraged to continue medical and psychiatric therapy to make my life the best possible it can be.

And most important of all,  to maybe come close to loving and accepting myself.

Lizzie blogs at Look At The Flowers Lizzie.  

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