Life, Love, and Family. Making a better 2014!
Life, Love, and Family. Taking it one day at a time in 2014!
Hey everyone, Desiree here. I know that I have been a bad blogger lately. Please accept my sincerest apologies on that one. We have been dealing with a lot of stuff. Trust me. It has not been a walk in the park. The good news is the husband is well on his way to a new career. Yes! I'm hoping we get out of this rain cloud soon.
Did I mention how bad I am with money? I do not spend it, but I can't save it either. Where does it all go? Honestly we buy the necessities in life and not much more. I make my shampoo last several more months than it probably should. It all comes down to the cost of living. It is too damn high! Food is a huge money sucker upper! Am I wrong? Maybe I am not doing it right, but like I said, I really stink at that. Oh well, I think I get better at this mom stuff every year, and every kid. Hopefully that means I will get better at life in general soon too.
On to other excuses things. I am depressed. I know, I am sorry to drop that huge bomb on you out of the blue. But it is true. I have major depression and it is not getting much better. Depression, something about that word has always made me feel ashamed and even dirty. Like it was some horrible thing that another person could catch. So ashamed in fact that I have gone that last few years without uttering a word about how I feel inside. And then one day, my walls came down and I just had to cry. I cried so much that day. I rarely cry anymore. I guess holding it all in and not speaking about how I feel really took its toll on my mental health. Tonight, another night of spilling my guts out. Thinking about it gives me anxiety. I don't hide it well anymore. I know my kids can see. I have given up on myself. The world can see that. My house is either clean or an utter mess. Some days I am dressed up, makeup all done, and the next I am just in sweats and a pony tail. If some things are done well, others are seriously lacking. Everything around me is just as I feel inside. Which means that the world sees me. I rather just hide.
I didn't make any New Years Resolutions for 2014. But I do have some goals right now for our life and family.
- 1. To try and be happy. It should be that easy, I know. I really wish that it was. I love my children and everyone that is in my life. None of that fake stuff.
- 2. To get out of my comfort zone and do more. I need to give myself room to grow. If you put a plant in a small jar, it is never going to show it's full potential. Why do I do this to myself? I need to get out and do more for my mind, body and soul. Bring the kids to the park, to Chuck 'E' Cheese, any where but here.
- 3. Do more for my body! I say it all of the time. "I wish I was as fat as I was when I first thought I was fat." I gained way too much with my first child, it just stuck to me. I need to lose 60bs to be in the "okay" range for my height. That just makes me want to eat cake. Chocolate cake. mmm. Did I mention I am an emotional eater? Not a good combination.
- 4. Get more out of blogging. My blog was a great outlet for how I felt and my thoughts once upon a time. It helped with my depression and gave me a bit of social interaction. I created some great friendships too. Then, I fell off the face of the planet. Don't worry, I did this in real life too. Whoops. It wasn't intentional, I promise. I just couldn't handle much of life anymore. But I am coming back to planet Earth. I want to rejoin the species. Ah. It wont be easy.
- 5. Enjoy each and every day with my kids. Make everyday unique and matter more. No more rushing for them to get ready, to put their gloves and hats on. No more being in such a hurry that I miss the moments that matter most, those moments that I can never get back. No More of getting frustrated so easily. They grow up so fast. I feel like I have been half asleep or most of it. It saddens me so much that I have been sad almost everyday of their life. And it was my fault for not realizing the impact. No more of it. Okay, it isn't so easy. But I will try.
We did have some incredible moments in 2013, but I will be damned if I don't make 2014 the most exciting year yet!
I did officially Marry the love of my life in 2013! Feel free to browse those incredible photos below.
Our wedding was gorgeous. It was held at lake Pearl Lucianos in MA.
Sorry for all the pictures. I just had to share the good memories.