Life scars make better tattoos
By Stephanie Quilao on February 29, 2008
I started off by saying Dear and then for a moment it started to feel like I was writing a Dear John letter so I stopped. No, this letter is one of gratitude. I guess it is no surprise that the “Dear John” feeling came up because over the years I have written you so many “I’m done with you” letters.
I have left you and abandoned you many times. I did. I betrayed you. I abused you physically, mentally, and emotionally. And yet, every time you took me back. You loved me, and you were loyal. You never gave up on me even when there were many times you had every right to. I no longer beat myself up for the past because I have finally forgiven and let go. You were so strong and gracious to stay committed to me during that process.
Over the years, you just wouldn’t give up on me, and at times, I even hated you for that. I couldn’t understand how you could not see the horrible human being that I was, and why you would not punish me like I did to you. I wanted you to hate me like I hated me. But no, you always behaved lovingly to me even when I turned up the hate volume.
You stood by me and stayed on our team. You believed that one day I too would be able to see what you see, and you stood steady. You carried us when I gave up, and you held the intention for both of us. The day when God calls me back “home” and we have to part ways, this is the one thing I will hold dearly, your unwavering love for me.
I look at the scars on my body from the years of falling down, gaining and losing lots of weight too fast, and whatever damage occurred through unhealthy living, and for a long time I used to think how hideous these sars were. Remember how I used to do whatever I could to hide them, cover them up, and wished that I could have the money to get some plastic surgery to remove them; so silly, really.
But now, I look at those scars and think, these are better than tattoos. We earned these scars and they are symbols of learning lessons and how I became the stronger and wiser person I am today. Without these scars and the pain that came with it, I would not have grown. I would still be afraid. I would still be small.
Last year, we entered our 40’s, and we look and feel far better than we could have ever imagined in our 20’s. Yes, I did the inside work, but I have to thank you for keeping the outside gorgeous. You and I are finally walking on the same path side by side, and we are finally living a life that is true and honest. Perfect girl no longer exists, and in her place, Stephanie has come back.
And even though we are older on paper, I can say that the both of us feel very hip, young at heart, and fabulous! Not only do we have the vitality of youth we have the foundation of wisdom and maturity. How blessed are we!
I love you body. I am appreciative of your love for me, and I look forward to the next phase of our life being with you finally as a partner and a beloved.