We’re never the same people at the end of a day that we were at the beginning. That’s simply just a fact of life — regardless of how uneventful your day-to-day life may seem, the little lessons and social interactions we have on a daily basis continue to fundamentally change us as people. This is no truer than in the “not a girl, not yet a woman” phase of your early 20s, as you struggle to define yourself as well as your impact on the world around you....more
When I say I’m a loner among my feminist friends for wanting children, I’m not judging them. I simply cannot relate. “I love you, Miss Stoddard.” Those were words I routinely heard during my year as an AmeriCorps volunteer at an elementary school in Richmond, Virginia. They were also words that I routinely returned. ...more
My blog, No Kidding in NZ, has a message for those who are struggling, or contemplating the end of their infertility journey: It gets easier. Eventually, we can even say it becomes easy. As much, of course, as life is ever easy.
Is that sending the wrong message to "outsiders," a recent accusation? Does saying that "it's easier or easy lead to outsiders dismissing the challenges that come with being childless after infertility?" Is it dismissing the struggle we've been through? Is it dismissing the painful moments we still face?
Last weekend my boyfriend came down with a wicked case of Ebola. Wait, that doesn’t seem right—I feel like I would’ve heard about a Jersey outbreak or I’d remember being forced into quarantine. But if it wasn’t Ebola, then what was it that made him too weak to move as he neared his end and repeatedly reminded me how very gravely ill he was?...more
Late September/early October sees school holidays come around again here in New Zealand. In my No Kidding life, this can creep up on me. Suddenly, I'm assailed by people and noise. Though I can tolerate people and children and noise, if I don't have to, I prefer to avoid them. After all, I am accustomed to a much more peaceful environment! Besides, even though the sight of children does not upset me these days, being surrounded by boisterous families can make me feel isolated, and I prefer to flee home or to a favourite, safe environment....more
I think I can understand why you want a grandchild.After all, many years ago, you wanted a child. You could picture a baby crib filling the empty corner in the unused office overlooking the driveway. You flipped through magazines, furnishing the room with ideas.Then, finally, you were pregnant. You furnished the room for real, this time: crib, changing table, soft animals, color....more
The mail comes. It’s a pretty envelope adorned with fancy calligraphy on the front with my name and address; obviously another invitation for something. I get a lot of those these days.Engagement parties. Showers (bridal AND baby!). Bachelorette parties. Weddings. Christenings. First birthday parties. When your friends get married and have children, those invitations never stop arriving. I started getting them in my mid-20’s and now, at 33, I’m still getting them....more
I had lunch recently with a new friend. In the midst of our “getting to know you” questions, I asked if she had kids. She responded “no.” The moment was uncomfortable. I felt awkward for asking. We moved on to another topic....more
Dear Childless Woman,I just want you to know that I realize that it is none of my business why you do not have any children. I know I am the minority here as I am sure you get asked a lot why you have no children. I am sure you often get that “I feel bad for you look”, but the fact is, it is no one’s business except your own, or yours and your partner....more