Hot Buttered Cobra-On-The-Cob

the best gift ever for babies and tots at babyceesnameart.comCees Beyond The Zees:  Hot Buttered Cobra-on-the-Cob...more

Blond Bites Dog: The Truth About Dr. Aaron Sell's Research, Warlike Women and Newsroom Vetting

University of California, Santa Barbara, lead researcher Dr. Aaron Sell provoked ire in women of all hair colors after the New Zealand Herald, the BBC and The Sunday Times misquoted him as saying blonds are more warlike than their nonblond peers. ...more

This is fascinating. I assumed 'warlike' meant a courageous, take-no-prisoners version of ...more

If You Give a Blogger an Empty Screen

She'll sit and stare at it for five minutes.She'll try to think of something funny from the day before. She'll fail.She'll try to think of something profound. She'll fail.She'll check her stats and referrals to see if there's a good story.Seeing the stats will depress her, and there's nothing in the referrals that's juicy.So she'll get up from the computer. To get a cup of coffee.On the way there, she will trip over five pairs of shoes. So she'll yell....more

Yup, when Carmen wrote this, I thought to myself, "Brilliant."

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How I Pet My Mother

It is clearly written in the Canine Code of Conduct that there only two acceptable responses to Mortal Enemy Number Two (postman, of course, being Enemy Number One). When faced with The Dreaded Vacuum Cleaner, the rules state clearly; fight or flight. Kill it, or avoid it. These responses have evolved over thousands of years, all the way back to Cro-Magnon woman (let’s face it; if Cro-Magnon man was dragging her around by the hair, you know he wasn’t doing much of the cavework). Prehistoric pooch learned to head for high ground when the missus grabbed that cute baby Mammoth by the back legs and Swiffered him back and forth over the saber-toothed tiger rug, trunk first, a la the Flintstones. This may or may not have actually happened on the Flintstones and if it didn’t, obviously I should’ve been on the writing staff. Once, when Cro-dog sensed a particularly weak baby Wooly and moved in for the kill before he could think better of it, Cro-Maggie was forced to abort her Saturday morning cleaning routine. Success was limited, though, because the attack made quite a bloody mess, requiring the rug to be tossed out and a new baby Mammoth to be acquired by Papa Cro, who smacked CRo-ver in the butt with a rolled-up New York Times (they don’t call it a ‘dinosaur’ for nothing) and sent him to bed without no Stegosaurus burger. Buddy v. Bissell and Daisy v. Dyson are rare but inspiring cases of modern-day triumph in the epic battle of dog and machine, but dogs are generally not a litigious bunch. Most often, they choose not to stray from the Code of Conduct that, again, clearly states one is either to fight or take flight from all manner of noisy suckage. In a typical household, when faced with The Appliance Who Shall Not Be Named, the dog will either run for cover immediately or do so after first staging some level of muzzle-saving protest including growling, biting, lunging, teeth barring, and the occasional chasing of the cord. In a typical household.To which, I respond…why can’t I live in a typical household? Big Sissy has obviously not read the Canine Code to her illiterate baby brother. We know that The Big One is illiterate because, despite all manner of signage, he continues to drink from the toilet. If the one titled “List of Ingredients” didn’t stop him, by God, the boy just can’t read. Then again, given his tastes, maybe he thought that was a menu. Yes, The Big One, aka Jordan, The Dumb One, Woobie, or The One Who Will Do Anything (N.E.THING!) for a Kraft Single, is among many other things a toilet drinker. And, of course, a face-licker....more

Why Parenting is like a Horror Movie

When my husband and I go out on a date, we almost always have MOVIE on the list. Dinner and MOVIE. Beach and MOVIE. Pottery and MOVIE. ...more

Reading Between The Lines ...

A companion guide to Lost In Translation. What I said: "It's great that you're so...passionate...about that." What I meant: "Seriously you just rambled and raved like a drunken sailor coming off a 21 day binge." What I said: "Nice!" What I meant: "I have no idea what you said, I tuned you out 10 minutes ago because I was I was about to pass out from sheer boredom." What I said: "That sucks for you!" What I meant: "Sucks to be you. Heh." ...more

My Love Affair with Owls & knick knacks

So as you know, or some of you may not actually know, I love owls.I love them because they seem magical in a sense, they are so striking to look at, and I find them adorable. They have the coolest eyes and wings andWhen I think back to when I was a kid I was always intrigued by them (especially that owl in Labyrinth, haha) but the last 2 years or so , I started to draw them and now I can't get enough of them.I have over 20 drawings of owls and lots of knick knacks etc......more

How My Sanity Was Saved By Jack Bauer and an Almond Joy

 I woke up from a short nap this afternoon only to be faced with one of the most pressing emergencies my family has ever faced in its' entire 12 year existence:...more

Flip flops are not real shoes. No, they're not.

It’s full-on winter where many of us live, with full-on winter weather yet some people are still wearing flip flops. At my local coffee shop, people close the door quickly, shiver and remark how cold it is. They wear parkas and  puffy coats. They’re in warm pants. A couple read their Sunday papers, sipping and chatting.  Both wore fuzzy vests. Both wore turtlenecks.  Both wore winter pants.  She wore boots with thick socks. He wore flip flops. ...more