It takes two to tango.
Two to engage in lively repartee.
Unless you're a writer, then it just takes one fertile mind in a quiet room. And that can be a very dangerous tango indeed.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Christmas House Tour Snooping
Today I'll have another opportunity to see how the other half- or more like other 1/18 lives in suburban Atlanta, specifically upscale hoity-toity suburban Atlanta: estate homes on a golf course, behind a winery.
Yes, there will be secret, illegal picture taking, stealing of interior design ideas and yes, most likely a little imbibing of the vino afterward with my friends--but definitely not the vino from the winery itself. It's the one wine tasting I've gone to that I actually spit out the wine.
You can say this all day long:
Château Élan has developed ingenious methods of trellising, pruning and fertilization that generate excellent quality and productivity. Due to the humid climate in Georgia, Château Élan developed special protective measures, by keeping the vines high off the ground and further apart allowing for better ventilation.
But you aren't fooling my taste buds.
Chateau Elan should drop the fancy french accents and stick to spa treatments, horse shows and golf.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Ho. Ho. Hammacher Schlemmer. Ho.
You can't say it without smiling, and you can't say it properly after a few Friday afternoon cocktails. (I know, but it's Friday afternoon somewhere, and besides it sounded much better than Thursday morning tequila shots.)Scanning through this classic Christmas catalog that claims:
Offering the Best, the Only and the Unexpected for 160 years
I found lots of potential gifts for my friends and family from a fish finding watch, a hands free video camera, a voice controlled ipod controller and a perfect martini maker to this bug vacuum.
If we still had little ones to buy for I would definitely be clicking on this. I mean, remote controlled? The possibilities are endless.
My husband has marked his pages and the kids circled theirs and I am left wondering why no one put my initials on this or this.
I'm thinking the husband, whose birthday is December 24th, might get a kick out of receiving THIS.
Wow...the description alone... which makes me think, Hey Hammacher Schlemmer, you should hire some new copywriters. This ad copy is boring, you need some writers from the Onion or T-Shirt Hell to spice things up, I mean if you can sell a solar powered golf cart for nine grand and this 2 person 3 wheeled scooter coupe for seven grand, I'd think you could pay a more talented writing staff.
PS. If you're looking? I know one who's available.
Sporty Spice Shoe
Hey, they make me happy.
And, let me tell you, they are extremely comfortable.
So what if I had to spend twice as much as the shoes on the jean capris and red and white tops?
After my daughter stopped laughing at me
and tried on the same pair in her size,
we did the matching mommy-daughter thing
and bought them both.
And, let me tell you, they are extremely comfortable.
So what if I had to spend twice as much as the shoes on the jean capris and red and white tops?
After my daughter stopped laughing at me
and tried on the same pair in her size,
we did the matching mommy-daughter thing
and bought them both.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
If the NFL DID have female officials...
I'm just saying.
Hey, It worked for me a few Halloweens ago, and damn blowing that whistle was fun.
Also? I am totally washing that door today.
Hey, It worked for me a few Halloweens ago, and damn blowing that whistle was fun.
Also? I am totally washing that door today.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
For All You Armchair Quarterbacks Who Called For The Replay.
After the Steelers/Chargers Sunday game fiasco, the NFL says it's going to look into ways to eliminate future officiating mistakes. Is that like fixing broken men?And I only say men because I don't see any women wearing stripes on the football field.
Thing is.. human eyes, human errors. Even sometimes the angle of the shot/s doesn't give us a clear picture of what really happened. Wouldn't it be great if players were honest? No, sorry, I stepped out of bounds before I made the touchdown. My bad.
It wasn't only the fans and the players who were affected by the bad call, but more importantly... the gamblers.
Ruling the play a touchdown and then reversing the decision because of an illegal forward pass, caused an approximate $64 million swing in winnings.* OUCH.
Yahoo sports gives the play by play better than I, as my report includes grass stained knees, package sizes, tight asses and ugly cheerleaders: what women see...
Here's what happened:
San Diego quarterback Philip Rivers flipped a short pass to LaDainian Tomlinson, who turned and flipped a lateral to wide receiver Chris Chambers.Chamber then attempted to lateral backward but his errant throw bounced off the turf and was scooped up by Polamalu, who carried it into the end zone for an apparent 17-10 lead.
However, as the teams lined up for the extra point, the replay official called for a review of the play. Following the initial review, referee Scott Green announced the ruling on the field stood and that the touchdown counted. However, the referees huddled again and determined that one of the laterals was an illegal forward pass, which would have ended the play and the game.
The problem, as Green explained after the game and the NFL expounded upon in its statement, was that the officials applied the ruling to the incorrect lateral.“The officiating crew mistakenly determined that the backward pass that Polamalu legally recovered and returned for the touchdown was the pass that was reversed in replay to being forward and illegal,” the league said in the statement. “Therefore, the crew ruled that the ball was dead when it hit the ground and the play was over. (The actual illegal forward pass - Tomlinson to Chambers - did not hit the ground and therefore the play is allowed to continue.)
“If the situation had been handled properly, the defense (Pittsburgh) would have declined the penalty for an illegal forward pass from Tomlinson to Chambers and taken the touchdown.”
*RJ Bell of Pregame.com, a Las Vegas-based sports information service, estimated that $100 million was bet on the contest, in which the Steelers were a five-point favorite.My idea two weeks ago of implanting a webcam and a chip in the football itself doesn't seem that stupid now, does it my beer slugging armchair pals?
Blue Patent Peep Toe Wedge Slingback
Describing this shoe reminds me of smoking days...
when you'd step to the counter and ask for Benson and Hedges Ultra Lights Menthol 100's-- in the hard pack, please.
Shoes are much better for you than cigarettes.
Especially blue shoes by Steve Madden.
when you'd step to the counter and ask for Benson and Hedges Ultra Lights Menthol 100's-- in the hard pack, please.
Shoes are much better for you than cigarettes.
Especially blue shoes by Steve Madden.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Boring yet necessary. Like some people in this world.
You know them.
The postmasters and auditors.
The people who make shit you don't care about and the people who repair the machines that make the shit you don't care about. Sometimes these same people are your relatives and neighbors.
Then, well, you need more than a nice pair of shoes. You need vodka
An open letter to recent partygoers from your hostess.
Dear Party People,
You are fabulous. All the pretty women and all the handsome men.
I mean, look at you. 
You dressed up and took your parts seriously. You were divas!
And gangsters!
And Flappers and Molls. The Tommygun vodka was a double surprise.
When you were posing, or gambling or selling cigarettes and secrets, 
you stayed in your role.
You made my house a speakeasy. You made all the prep work worth it.
Even if someone had to die.
Good thing we had a cop and a private detective. Even if the dick took his job a little too seriously.
A dick should be good at cleaning up messes, though right?
Yes, there were messes, from spilled drinks to stinky anchovies and eggs to boa feathers and sequins and fake money on the floor...oh, and to the person who dropped the phone in the toilet? Don't worry, I've done it too.
We lost a few clay chips, but ended up with a few extras; one pair of reading glasses, keys to a Ferrari, a white headdress...and enough booze to make me want to throw a movie party next week. Someone needs to alert the husband, or ship him out of town.
There is something about drinking booze in a mason jar that interferes with your ability to say, "No more. I'm good."
Maybe you think you're saying that, but it comes out as, "Give me another drink. And some of those thai potato chips too."
Gambling with fake money and bad rules can be interesting, as these lovely ladies demonstrate
and as always, there will be jokes about the crap table bets 'on the come'
But someone will maintain her dignity at every party. Someone- certainly not me- will come out on top.
This one? She only looks like a floosie.
She was the only one to guess the murderer. Maybe she needed a few more visits to the bar and the generous bartender.
Amazing what you can do with a dining table and a bench, isn't it?
You, my party people, make me happy. You take great pictures.
You tell great stories and you have class.
and that's what makes throwing a party for you such fun.
Though, throwing money is fun too.
as is stealing it...
Thank you for your efforts, for your attendance, for the happy smiling faces, for the toasts and shared dances, for the kisses and the love. For all the friends that made this party a success.
Until next time, I bow to you.
You are fabulous. All the pretty women and all the handsome men.
I mean, look at you. You dressed up and took your parts seriously. You were divas!And gangsters!And Flappers and Molls. The Tommygun vodka was a double surprise.When you were posing, or gambling or selling cigarettes and secrets, you stayed in your role. You made my house a speakeasy. You made all the prep work worth it.Even if someone had to die.
Good thing we had a cop and a private detective. Even if the dick took his job a little too seriously.A dick should be good at cleaning up messes, though right? Yes, there were messes, from spilled drinks to stinky anchovies and eggs to boa feathers and sequins and fake money on the floor...oh, and to the person who dropped the phone in the toilet? Don't worry, I've done it too.We lost a few clay chips, but ended up with a few extras; one pair of reading glasses, keys to a Ferrari, a white headdress...and enough booze to make me want to throw a movie party next week. Someone needs to alert the husband, or ship him out of town.
There is something about drinking booze in a mason jar that interferes with your ability to say, "No more. I'm good."
Maybe you think you're saying that, but it comes out as, "Give me another drink. And some of those thai potato chips too."Gambling with fake money and bad rules can be interesting, as these lovely ladies demonstrate
and as always, there will be jokes about the crap table bets 'on the come'But someone will maintain her dignity at every party. Someone- certainly not me- will come out on top.
This one? She only looks like a floosie.She was the only one to guess the murderer. Maybe she needed a few more visits to the bar and the generous bartender.
Amazing what you can do with a dining table and a bench, isn't it?You, my party people, make me happy. You take great pictures.
You tell great stories and you have class.and that's what makes throwing a party for you such fun.Though, throwing money is fun too.as is stealing it...Thank you for your efforts, for your attendance, for the happy smiling faces, for the toasts and shared dances, for the kisses and the love. For all the friends that made this party a success.Until next time, I bow to you.
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