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The Leopard and His Spots

4 December 2008 by Liz

They say a leopard can’t change his spots (an idiom which, interestingly, comes from the Bible) but just this one time, I think a spot may have changed.  Ever-so-slightly…but a change nonetheless.

When I was married, I lived in fear of setting my ex-husband off.  I, and those around me, never knew what was going to set him off.  I could tell so many stories…

Like the time my mother asked a question about Bosnia after my husband had cooked a traditional Balkan dish for dinner (logical, right?) and he flipped out and ordered my mother out of our house.  Oh, and this was the day after I came home from the hospital with our firstborn.  And then there was the time at a friend’s wedding when I was supposed to do a reading but the rabbi got confused and read it himself.  My ex stood on the steps outside the temple and yelled at me that this was a secret plot to humiliate him and offend him. Anyway…

In the  beginning I would try and understand why something seemingly harmless would set him off.  And then I stopped - there was never a logical explanation.  He was abusive and controlling and that’s just what he did.  I usually just apologized as quickly and as many times as I could to make the temper tantrum go away.  To appease him.  To make the fighting and abuse stop. I‘m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry. I can’t tell you how many times in our marriage I must have said that.  Even when it wasn’t my fault.  Just to make it stop.

So earlier this week, I was on the phone with him during my commute home discussing the health insurance coverage for the boys.  We were having a perfectly pleasant conversation when my phone beeped.  “Oh, hey, sorry. This is work.  I need to take this call.  Bye.”  And I clicked over.

While I was on the phone with a candidate, my ex called back a couple times.  And sent me a text message.  When I finally got off with the candidate, I called him back.  He exploded.  “That was so rude!  You just hung up on me.  You didn’t even say anything.  And then you didn’t answer when I called back.  I thought something happened to you.  What if you’d been in a car accident.  I would never do something so rude to you.  Blah blah rant yell blah.”  (He left similar texts and voice mails which I deleted without really listening to.)

I thought saying “this is work, I have to take it” made it pretty clear what I was doing.  He didn’t agree.

So I did what I always did…I apologized.  Multiple times.  Not because I was sorry, but to make him shut up about it so we could get off the phone and I could move on with my evening. It took a 15 minute conversation for him to agree to just stop talking about it.  Thankfully, these things don’t drain me like they once did.

The next morning, as I was getting ready for work, my phone rang.  It is highly unusual for me to talk to him in the morning so I was a little surprised that he was calling.

“I’m sorry I overreacted last night.  I lost my temper and I shouldn’t have.  I’m sorry I acted that way.”

Y’all…I didn’t even know what to say.  I know this doesn’t seem like a huge thing - like a spot-changing statement - but this is the first time I’d ever heard him utter something like this.

That he may be becoming an ever-so-slightly better person gives me hope for the kind of father he’ll be to our children.

Posted in Divorce Stuff, Single Parent Family Life | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments »

A little bit of this, A little bit of that

3 December 2008 by Liz

Some updates (all completely random and not entirely interesting but I’m feeling neglectful):

  • I went to the doctor this morning.  In the last couple, three months I’ve noticed that my hair has gotten dramatically thinner.  I am very thankful that I have always had exceptionally thick hair, so losing about half its thickness (which is what has happened) isn’t as dramatic as it could have been.  They took a ton of blood and hopefully will be able to figure it out.  I’ve also been told I need a zinc supplement because that will help regardless.
  • The time of year has arrived when I begin using Santa to help me get all sorts of things accomplished.  Last night, the kids didn’t want to go to sleep:  “Santa is watching you and thinks you need rest.  He doesn’t like boys who don’t go to bed when they’re supposed to.”  This morning: “Y’all need to stop fussing.  Santa doesn’t bring toys to boys who fuss with each other.”  I think the reason it works so well is because over the weekend The Polar Express was on tv and Jack happened to catch the scene where the elves are watching the big bank of monitors that are watching for the naughty children from all over the world.  He is convinced someone is watching and will report back to Santa.  I’m very thankful for this bit of parental trickery.
  • The cafeteria at work has had the most amazing quinoa salad on the salad bar for the last couple days.  I think it’s got yogurt in it, so it’s a got a little tang.  And some apples and cinnamon.  Whatever else is in there, it’s delicious.  I am going to attempt to recreate this at home…but somehow things are never quite as tasty when you make them yourself.
  • I have to go have my official portrait taken today for work.  My water spilled in my purse, soaking everything in the bottom of my bag…so no powdering my nose beforehand.  I think I can salvage some lipstick though.  Oh - and I forgot to wear earrings.
  • Here is our family Christmas picture. Because pictures are fun.

metz08

Posted in Completely Random, Just Me, Work, Shmerk | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Not one of those times

1 December 2008 by Liz

There are time when I LOVE being single.  Or rather, being the only parent/adult in the house.

No one can question my parental decisions (cereal for dinner).  No one complains if I leave some dishes ’soaking’ until the next day.  I get to watch college football and basketball as much and for as long as I want.  No one complains if I indulge my bad habit of folding clothes but leaving them in the laundry basket for days on end.

But then there are times when it’s not so great.  Like last night.  Last night definitely was not of the times I relished in being the only adult in the house.

There is nothing worse than being alone when you’re sick.  In the middle of the night in the dark house with no one to even say, in a sleepy voice “Can I get you anything?” (knowing full well they don’t actually want to get up at 3am, but it’s the thought that counts!).

Or, even worse, (brace yourself) when you’re sick and you have to, eh, clean up after yourself.  Because that’s almost a guaranteed way to be sick all over again.

The combination of ever-so-delicately bonking my head/neck around in the non-accident and a change in barometric pressure resulted in the migraine of all migraines last night.  Miserable.  Pounding head (ice pick shoved in my temples and each eye) and that horrible nausea that, when you finally do throw up, it’s a blessed relief.

I’ve been popping ibuprofen all day but nothing is helping with the total exhaustion.  I will not love being the only parent around tonight when all I want is to get in bed early and the children undoubtedly are wired at bedtime, likely having delved into their secret stash of Fun Dip.

The only possible solution on the horizon: Lots and lots of coffee.  Because that’ll certainly help the stomach recover from last night.

Posted in Single Parent Family Life | 15 Comments »

An eventful Sunday

30 November 2008 by Liz

Today served in sharp contrast to yesterday, when the boys and I didn’t leave the house at all.  There were some stomach bug ‘issues’ with the boys, and it was a welcome excuse to hang around the house and lay low.  As a matter of fact, the children remained in their pajamas all day!

Today, I had a babysitter coming over to watch the boys so I could join my parents on a tour of the West Wing of the White House.  We were able to take the exclusive tour because someone knows someone who works there.  Time is growing short for the administration, and in order to take advantage of the connection, we had to go now.  I kept my mouth shut every time there was discussion of the administration drawing to a close and oh-how-sad-it-is.  I would love to be able to go back and see how the Obamas chance the decor and if the general feel of the place changes.  Our tour guide, a White House liaison officer, told us about he and his friends’ searches for new jobs…

Anyway, on my way to the White House (it sounds a little silly to say that), I had a tiny car accident.  I’m fine, and my car is amazingly fine, but I was terrified.  It was raining here today, and while doing about 50 mph (yes, about 5 over the speed limit), I hit some standing water in a curve on the road and lost control of my car.  I skidded across three lanes of traffic, miraculously avoiding being hit by other cars.  I flew into a grassy area next to an off ramp to the Pentagon with my cars on 2 wheels.  A couple barriers prevented me from what surely would have been multiple rolls in my car.

And yet, I still made it in time for our tour.

You can’t take pictures inside the West Wing while on tour, so all I’ve got is some outdoor shots.

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My dad and I outside the ‘public’ entrance to the West Wing (right through this door is the Oval Office ‘lobby’).  I say public because really, no one from the general public is waltzing up to this door.  There are 4 security checkpoints between the street and this spot.  This is the entrance used by cabinet members, visiting heads of state and the like when they pop by to visit the president.

Surprisingly, the Rose Garden has very few roses in it.

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This is the familiar path often seen in shots of the president walking - when President-Elect Obama came to visit the White House they showed he and President Bush strolling down this way.  It happens to be the shortest distance between the residence and the Oval Office.

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I learned a number of little historical and Presidential tidbits.  Most interesting (that I didn’t already know from the History Chanel or The West Wing) was about the decor of the Roosevelt Room.  Historically (over the last 60 years), when a Democrat is in office, the Roosevelt Room is decorated to reflect FDR and when a Republican is in office, the Roosevelt room reflects Teddy.  Clinton broke with this tradition and left the room with its Teddy flavor during his two terms. So the room has been it a Teddy phase since 1980 and it will be interesting to see how it changes come January.  Also a little bit of historical trivia I didn’t know before today is that Teddy Roosevelt is the only person in American history to have received both the Medal of Honor and the Nobel Peace Prize.

They were in the middle of decorating the White House for the holidays this weekend and there were a number of people bustling about.  Decorating begins the day after Thanksgiving and is completed by Sunday evening.  It is decorated entirely by volunteers - and the wait list to volunteer is 10-12 years long.

It felt a little strange to stand right outside the door the sit room - the door even had a lovely brass plaque on it “White House Situation Room.” For whatever reason, I really wanted a picture of that plaque, but I didn’t think the West Wing was really a place to sneak a picture.

The Oval Office was really neat to see…just to think about the history that has happened in that room.  It should surprise no one who knows my mother that she was most interested in the garland on the mantle - visiting during the holidays was the prefect time for my Christmas-loving mother!

We ended our tour in the press room, which is actually rather small.  And it used to be in indoor swimming pool until President Nixon converted it into a permanent briefing room for the press.

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I have a lingering headache that I suspect has something to do with my little car thing earlier today.  Think I will snuggle with the boys for a while and then turn in early.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the long weekend!!  Back to the grind tomorrow…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments »

Giving Thanks

27 November 2008 by Liz

Wishing all (those who are celebrating, that is!) a very happy, blessed Thanksgiving.  The boys and I are celebrating with my family…we are cooking entirely too much food, and laughing an awful lot.  We are blessed to be with the clan this Thanksgiving.

I have so much to be thankful for on this day and every day.   First on that list are amazing family and friends.  Love to you all!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | 4 Comments »

Yum

25 November 2008 by Liz

The cooking and baking has begun at my house.

Thankfully I have two very helpful sous chefs.  Always there to help clean a beater or test the cake to see if it’s really good.

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Posted in Single Parent Family Life | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments »

Once a cheater, always a cheater??

24 November 2008 by Liz

Time, dear readers, for you all to weigh in…

(I know there are at least two or three guys who read this, so I am asking y’all especially to share your thoughts!!)

If someone admits to cheating in the past, should that be a big ol’ relationship red flag?  An immediate show stopper? Is the adage “Once a cheater, always a cheater” true?

Having been cheated upon, I feel rather strongly on this issue.  I have gone so far to made a blanket statement that I will never be with someone who is or has ever been a cheater.  But is anything ever that black and white?  Do there exist circumstances and reasons that excuse cheating?  Does someone being honest about past indiscretions change the equation at all?

Before you go making conjectures about what’s going on, please know this is just something I’ve been wondering.  I had a conversation with a friend today in which I was shocked to hear my friend say that cheating wasn’t a big deal if it was long in the past.  I began wondering if my own past has lead me to have too extreme a view of infidelity.

So although I’d really like to hear your thoughts in comment form, I know some of you won’t leave comments, so I’ll give you a polling option as well.

Posted in Dating Dilemmas | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments »

Yesterday’s Numbers

23 November 2008 by Liz

By a strange series of events too bizarre to even try to explain to y’all…I ended up spending the large part of the afternoon on a friend’s couch watching college football.  (I know that doesn’t sound strange but it is.  It involves someone maybe/maybe not flying in from out of state, my ex mother-in-law having a stroke, canceling on a big night out with girlfriend in case my ex needed me to come get the kids, wanting to be closer to the hospital where she is…see, it really is bizarre!)

I watched A LOT of college football: Wake vs. BC (poor Sam), UMD vs. FL State, VA Tech vs. Duke, TX Tech vs. Oklahoma, Cincy vs Pitt, Penn State vs. Mich State…I guess after not watching any last weekend I had some games to make up for.  I had a good time hanging out with this friend - he’s someone I’ve mentioned around here before but will not get back into that (posts have been taken down…but some of you will remember he had a nickname that offended some because they thought I was making judgment about it too quickly.  Let me assure you, upon further investigation, my gut was right) because I think he’s joined the ranks of the readers.

But while I was on said couch, I was not only watching football with this friend, I was also texting three others.  (Oh, and there were also the not-quite-drunk texts from QT!)  Among the four guys (one I was with and three I was texting), there were:

  • 4 very charming and cute gentlemen
  • 3 I’ve had dinner with in recent weeks
  • 2 single dads
  • 2 I hope to see sometime soon
  • 2 Virginia Tech fans
  • 2 who I think are actually available in any real emotional way right now
  • 2 whose resumes I’m too familiar with
  • 2 in different states
  • 2 who surprise me with their insight into the core of who I am
  • 1 who doesn’t (surprise me, that is, with his insight)
  • 1 who I trust completely
  • 1 who intrigues me
  • 1 who I wish would bump #6 up to 3 <sigh>
  • 1 who has a grip on me I can’t shake and can’t understand
  • 1 who, if he walked in my house right now, I wouldn’t mind him seeing the mess it’s in

So on that note, it’s housekeeping time.

(A brief pause to say that in writing this out, I am very surprised at the way the numbers work out.  And where some strange overlap is.  Must think about this more.)

But one more number for you:

  • 4 guys who would all laugh if they saw the way I combine cleaning with dancing.  I’ve got Estelle on right now and will soon be dancing with my vacuum.  Shaking booty while I scrub the sink.  A sight to see.

Posted in Dating Dilemmas, Just Me | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments »

A Fun Distraction

21 November 2008 by Liz

When we last spent time together, I was a mess.  I had a great deal of mama guilt over having been generally impatient with my children and thrown them in the bed without a bath or brushing their teeth.  My less-than-pleasant evening was about more than just fussy boys…I had had a horrible day.  Work hadn’t been good, some personal things had been painful, I spent an obscene amount of money on a hair cut I don’t like.

As is often the case, a little blogging and a couple phone calls with friends and I was feeling better.  Or at least was on my way to feeling better.

There is certain aspect of my job that I don’t usually enjoy.  I do it, I’m fairly good at it, but I don’t always enjoy it.  That is, until Wednesday.

It was as if the universe knew I needed something light and fun and distracting in my life and it was blessedly thrown my way.  There are pieces of this little distraction that could spell real trouble, but it was so much fun.  And continues to be.  When I can no longer get in trouble at work for line I’m too close to crossing, I’ll tell y’all all about it.

Smiling.  In a goofy way, but smiling.  Happy weekend, everyone!

Posted in Just Me, Work, Shmerk | 10 Comments »

Bad Mama

18 November 2008 by Liz

I was not a good mother tonight.  I am going to admit it out here in the open and move on, working to be better tomorrow.

From the moment I walked in the door tonight it took everything in me not to scream at my children.  I’m not a screamer (I fuss, but don’t scream.  Well, I have once or twice.  But let’s not go down that path, I feel badly enough already.) but more than once I had to bite my lip tonight.

They are in bed now.  They were not bathed, their teeth were not brushed, but they went to bed and the last thing they heard was me telling them I loved them.

Because even when they are little terrors (as they seem to especially be on days that have been total shite like today), I love them with all my heart.

Today wasn’t good.  It bordered on the totally awful.  I’m trying to maintain perspective and remember that 1) it could be worse and 2) this too shall pass.  But even that’s been tough.

Tomorrow will be better.  I will be better tomorrow.  If for no other reason than because my two darling boys deserve it.

Posted in Uncategorized | 17 Comments »

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