I'm Not the Evil Stepmother: 8 Things I Wish My Stepchildren Knew

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1. I’m not going anywhere. I married your dad because I am in love with him. I’m in this for life! This is what I chose. It didn’t matter to me that he had a life before me, that he was married before, that he had children. You are a part of his life and I love every part of his life. So guess what? I love you, too! And I’m in the long haul for you, too. I’ll always be here for you.

2. I don’t want to replace your momma, ever, ever, ever. Good or bad, we all have a momma. Your momma carried you for nine months, gave birth to you, and is your momma period. I am not here to pretend I’m a hero woman coming in and swooping you up into my mothering. I am just an extra person on hand who loves you and who will be in your life for a VERY long time. You are my family and honestly, your momma is my family because without her, there’d be no you. As your stepmother, I’ve got your best interests in my heart. As a woman, God created me to be gentle, loving, nurturing. So if it comes off that I’m being too parental for your liking, it’s just my love for you and my wish to take care of you. Even though you may not like it, I’m one of many adults who loves you and wants the best for you. But please take comfort that while I will express my own opinions, and often co-parent with your dad, he and I are one, and I will rely a whole lot on his decisions for you and the decisions that he and your mother make for you. I accept completely that you’ve got two parents and if they are willing to get along for your sake, I’m perfectly great with that. Remember, you’ve got a great dad, and I know you have a momma, but please see #1 if there are any questions or concerns about my role in all of this.

Not the Evil Stepmother
Credit: jeffchristiansen.

3. Please don’t be so mean. Bullying is bullying no matter the age. I have feelings, too. I also have a heart, and it’s open to you. I want for us to get along, but sometimes, you really hurt my feelings. I am not here to fight with you or hurt you, so I’d love the same respect. This is a tricky time for all of us. We’re just trying to find our place in our new family. If you are hearing things that bother you, such as I am stealing your father from you or that I am trying to replace your mom, please, please know that you can come and talk to me about it. If there are any doubts, please see #1 and #2.

4. You will never be left behind. As long as you want to be a family, we’re going to be a family. That’s all I want. Your dad is so stressed out trying to make sure you don’t feel left out and he’s trying his best to make sure you and I are both comfortable and confident in our new journey together. I want the same. Whether you live with us full time, part-time, summertime, etc, you are an important part of this family. Your dad would never dream of leaving you in his past. You don’t belong there! So please come on this journey with him, but hang on, it’s going to be one heck of a ride! This won’t be easy. We’re bound to sometimes lose our tempers, or feel angry, but we’re a family, and families just stick together no matter what! If you have any concerns, please see #1, #2, and #3.

5. No one can take your place. Every member of our family has something unique to offer. So, if your dad and I decide to have a baby together, please don’t feel threatened! I am just trying to grow our family, and because I love your dad, I’d love to share this with him. He remembers how amazing and earth-moving it was to hold you in his arms. I’d really love to experience that, too. I have so much love to give, and I’d be so honored to have a new baby for our family to love. I know it might be hard at first, especially because this baby will have its mom and dad together, and this baby will need a lot of attention, but you have nothing to fear. First of all, babies take a lot of attention anyway! Whether it’s a baby cousin, or a new sibling, people just love babies. And they are very hard work, too! Things might change for a little bit, but it’s not because we love you any less. We just have to get used to the new little one who is going to demand A LOT of our attention, but more importantly, this baby will love ALL OF US very, very much. When you’re feeling unsure, please see #1, #2, #3 and #4.

6. If I happen to already have children when I marry your dad, please know that I will make sure that they are always kind and loving to you because we are a family. Please be kind and loving to them. They are just as worried as you are coming into this new journey. Maybe they feel like your dad is trying to steal me! We are all trying to find our place in our new family, but there’s one thing for sure, as long as we stick together, we can conquer the anything! If you have any doubts at all, please see#1, #2, #3, #4 and #5.

7. We’re going to fight. Probably a lot. But please don’t think we’re fighting because of the nature of our stepmother/stepchild relationship. You’ll be glad to know that one of my best friends is having the exact same issues with her own children. In fact, let’s be honored. We’re officially behaving “normally.” I just want you to know that even if we fight or argue, don’t lose your confidence in our relationship. I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. I will love you unconditionally, for the long-haul, without trying to replace your mother, even when you’re mean to me, because no one can ever take your place in our family, no matter if new babies are born, or if I already have children who will love your dad as their own. I will ALWAYS give you my very best. That’s my job! If you have any concerns whatsoever, please see #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 and #6.

8. I’ll never stop praying for you. Nuff’ said.

Your Stepmother


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