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I'm a mom, a blogger, a private dayhome operator, and a big fan of quiet activism.  I love to read, swim, bike, watch my kids discover their wor...
 
 
 
 

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What My Little Girl Taught Me About Makeup

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If there is a gene for self-decoration, I don't have it.  I admire fashionable people.  I boggle at their creative abilities and the truly bizarre joy they derive from spending time and money in the seventh circle of Hell the mall.  I used to watch "Fashion File" every Sunday morning, could make educated commentary on a given designer's spring or fall collection, and could even pick out knock-offs walking down the street.

But I gave up pretending like I know how to dress myself years ago.  My husband is in charge of buying my underwear because, while I prefer to wear rather smallish bikini type panties, I inevitably bring home things that look like boldly printed pillow-cases with conveniently placed legholes.  I bought myself the wrong-sized bras for the better part of a decade.  Until the hubs picked one up for me on the way home from work and my outlook on life improved drastically.  And jeans?

It's probably better not to talk about it.  Let's just say that errors were made each time The Gap changed the cut and style of their jeans.  Very unfortunate errors.

I rarely wear makeup.  I have a haircut best suited to a quick rinse and a distracted tousle.  I have a rotating uniform composed of blue jeans and t-shirts, with a single pair of yoga pants or my beloved Prana cragging pants to keep me clothed on laundry day.  My feet wear sport socks, all-season loafers and Birkenstocks.  I do have a few dresses, a skirt, a pair of go-with-everything black pumps, some gold strappy sandals.  I am a girl.  Really!  It's just that decorating myself doesn't interest me much.  I mean, I like the idea of it.

I also like the idea of zip-lining through the Brazilian rain forest.  But I'm not going to do that every day, either.

Have I mentioned that I have a five-year-old daughter?

My daughter knows a lot of little girls whose mothers aren't like me.  Their mothers are stay-at-home mums with a full collection of immaculate Lulu's, who get their hair styled and coloured at least once a month, wear Tieks and Uggs, and never do the school run without make-up.  Danica finds them fascinating.  She watches them with the kind of interest a National Geographic explorer might reserve for a particularly rare and captivating butterfly.  They're so beautiful, Mummy! 

bright eyeshadows

Credit Image:Melissa Gray via Flickr

And their little girls have pierced ears, wear nail-polish on their fingers and toes, can lip-synch to Katy Perry and China Anne McClain, own more than three pairs of shoes, and have Barbie make-up compacts in their backpacks or on their dressers at home.  They have Barbies.  AND a collection of fairies and princesses and other non-Playmobil-looking things.

My daughter was at the Magic Mirror in the Disney Store last night, while a wonderful "Cast Member" scanned tag after tag to make each princess appear in the mirror for her.  When Danica told her she hadn't seen them before, you could've heard frickin' crickets chirping for the time it took that poor young woman to recover.

Blasphemy!

I'm not a big fan of Barbie.  Disney is a licensing machine that followed Lightning McQueen into our lives and will never leave again.  I've accepted it.  I know that little girls love to practice being grown-up ladies, and I am fully aware of the joy that a smear of lipstick and a tiara can give them.  It's magic.

I know.  Sort of.

One of my daughter's friends had lipstick on today, and I dealt with it poorly.

Danica: "She's wearing lipstick today!"

Me, sharply: "Well, that's her own mother's bad decision!"  FAIL.  I knew it was stupid and defensive the second it passed my lips.  Who am I to judge any mother's decisions for her daughter?  I mean, what is the harm in a little lipstick?  Right?

My daughter knows me well enough to leave it alone for awhile.  We got through our morning rush, she got off to school, and the five-man crew and I settled into our routine.  We were eating lunch together when she brought it up again, apologetically.  Worried that I was mad.

"It was probably just Chapstick, Mum.  No big deal, right?"

Me: "It could've been lipstick, too, honey.  It's okay."

Danica: "I'm not old enough to wear lipstick, though."

Me: "No, I don't think you are.  Maybe only for really special occasions."

Danica (grinning, now): "And nail polish!  Could I have nail polish on special occasions, too?"

Me (grinning back at her): "For sure, sweetheart.  We'll try to find some without any bad

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Roaming 5 pts

You and I could be twins! Except for the age difference! My 30-something beautiful daughter has the fashionista-coiffed hair-big Mercedes gene, which she surely did not inherit from me! People tell me that I "sure do clean up nice," which is probably because they've never seen me dressed up and have gone into a blurry-eyed state of shock.

Thanks for sharing.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Hahahaha! People say that to me, too, though in the case of some of my family members, their eyes are probably blurred from tears of joy ;) Thanks for reading! :) Roaming

Me a mom at home 5 pts

Great post! I don't feel as odd now. I don't wear make up and I am so bad with fashion( I should say I don't care about fashion) but my daughter who is 3 loves clothes and can change 4 times a day . It looks like she is going to be the opposite of me in that way.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thanks! My daughter loves clothes, too. And while some of her fashion statements are a little, er, bizarre I don't intervene. Me a mom at home Every preschooler should have the chance to rock some pink rubber boots, purple cords, and floral tutu!

Dori Schwaiger 5 pts

This is the cutest post I have read in a long time. My daughter cares nothing for make up or style, however my grand daughter Sydney keeps her up to date. She was born with style and when ever we are together she wants nothing more than to do her hair, her nails and what ever else has to do with make up. Here is the kicker, she is just 2 years old. Thanks for the smile!

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Oh, my goodness. I think it's awesome that your daughter lets her little girl explore her own style. I'm so glad you enjoyed this post! Dori Schwaiger

EvesIdentity 5 pts

Sounds like your daughter is beautiful inside and out! Loved this post. Thanks for sharing. I hope she can keep that confidence as she grows older as well.I think you've done a great job raising her to know how beautiful she already is :-).

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thank you! Your comment made my morning, today :) EvesIdentity

mommyrant 6 pts

I think the assumption that all stay-at-home mums dress immaculately, wear Tieks and Uggs, and never do the school run w/o make up is a bit of a stereotype. I stay home with my four boys, wear the same pair of Merrells year round, haven't worn make up since jr. high, and struggle to remember what I wore to the bus stop the previous morning so I don't duplicate my outfit in front of the other bus stop parents.

It sounds like your daughter has it all together but be vigilant mom, five is on the cusp of entering school, a whole new dimension in keeping up with the Jones's. When I volunteered in my son's kindergarten class last year I didn't observe any lipstick but there were a lot of painted nails and I did over hear one little girl telling a boy that she'd "kissed a boy who wasn't a relative."

Uggh indeed.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

I didn't intend to imply that all stay at home mums present themselves that way. I certainly don't, and I've been at home with my kids for four years, now!

My daughter has just started kindergarten, so I've been hearing a lot about which toys she "needs" because her friends have them, and which of her friends have boyfriends (!!!!!). I make a point of not making a big deal of all that, and maintain our values at home. I mean, what else can I do, right? mommyrant

naked_mommy 6 pts

I love that she's got it all figured out already. My 2 year old thinks makeup is like face paint and you use it to look scary (because I always tell her she's so pretty and doesn't need it). Your comparison of makeup-wearing-moms to butterflies was funny too - a guy I once knew said he didn't like women with too much makeup because they're like butterflies. You touch them and their faces come off.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thanks! I like your comparison of make-up to face paint. There were definitely strong parallels between the two, back when I wore makeup regularly. Thank goodness there aren't many photos! naked_mommy

nikkiana 9 pts

Sounds like you have a very smart little girl. :)

DesiValentine4 268 pts

If by that you mean "too smart for my own good", then you are absolutely right. She's got something new to teach me every day, that kid :) nikkiana

peggy_nastat 7 pts

Love it. Your daughter sounds adorable.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thanks! peggy_nastat She is adorable. And also a little weird ;)

isthisthemiddle 427 pts

DesiValentine4peggy_nastat Ha-ha! In my book, weird is simply delightful! :-)

Lisa Stone 20 pts moderator

Desi, gorgeous post. I love your parenting style.

Personal tangent: I'm reminded of my junior high school English class, where our teacher did a class interview of each student. Translation: He put each one of us on the firing line for our personal choices by everyone else in the room. One of the guys -- real individual, pretty pissed off at the world -- was laying into every girl whom he considered a conformist. He terrified me, my specialty was hiding in class, not a one-on-twenty firing line, which made me an uber-target for him in appearance and behavior. Then one day, a girl I'd been in school with since fifth grade got up. She was gorgeous and smart and more than a little bit pissy herself. When he went at her with the condescending conformity routine, she just looked bored. "If I lived on a desert island I'd put makeup on every day," she told him. "I do this for ME." Implicit message: Not for you, jerk. Love that attitude - I've been wearing and painting what I want to when I want to since then. Sounds like your daughter has the confidence to be that same inspiration for some other girls. And that is truly beautiful.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thank you so much! Lisa Stone I'm so happy you enjoyed it!

I cannot imagine being subjected to a class interview in junior high English class. It's the sort of thing I would have had nightmares about. But that a 13 or 14 year old girl had the confidence to stand up and defend her choices simply, without catering to the argument - that is amazing! I hope my daughter has that strength, when it's her turn to stand in the highschool firing line. She is a fierce one. And beautiful :) Thank you!

klynn4jc 5 pts

Piggy Paint, that's what you want to buy for her! :)

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Will do! I'm thinking Santa might put some in my princess's stocking this year :) klynn4jc

strawberrytech 6 pts

I keep meaning to get that chem-free stuff...it's piggie something right?

DesiValentine4 268 pts

I think klynn4jc is right. From what I've read, Piggie Paint is non-toxic and hypo-allergenic. I haven't heard of any other brands. Have you? strawberrytech

Adriasmom 7 pts

Isn't it wonderful what our kids can teach us! I am just like you and Danica sounds just like my little girl.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Yes, it really is :) I keep telling myself all I need to do is get out of my own way, and just let the kids teach me, you know? Daughters like ours are so good at reminding us of that. Adriasmom

isthisthemiddle 427 pts

What a sweet, wise daughter you have! Loved the post!

DesiValentine4 268 pts

She is some kinda wonderful :) I'm so glad you enjoyed it! isthisthemiddle

Tes Solomon Silverman 9 pts

I loved your story, especially the punchline. My daughter is 12 and it's just now that she wants to use more makeup (mascara,gloss), but like you I don;t think she needs it. I can relate and I love that she knows it's just for fun.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thank you! I don't know how I'll feel about makeup for Danica when she's 12 or so. On the one hand, I want her to explore whatever makes her happy. On the other hand, I really hope she still understands how much she doesn't need it. You probably know exactly what I mean :) Tes Solomon Silverman

HomeRearedChef 560 pts

The only times my daughters wore any kind of makeup was for Halloween. And like I said earlier, my oldest daughter is the only one that wears it now (mascara and a little eye-shadow). But it didn't happen until after she turned 30. DesiValentine4 Tes Solomon Silverman

Kath_Stewart 9 pts

I have weak nails and can't use nail polish remover. I did find at my local health food store nail polish for kids - chemical free. I love it. Here is a site that lists a number of polish brands (I don't work for any of them, I must googled it) http://www.inspirationail.com/non-toxic-nail-polis...

Sounds like you have a really great kid ...

DesiValentine4 268 pts

She is really great :) Thanks for the link, too. I'll check it out! Kath_Stewart

HomeRearedChef 560 pts

I love make-up and dressing up, however I don't do it anymore (2 1/2 years now). Primarily because since becoming menopausal, and gaining 57 pounds, I don't like how I look, any which way! And make-up and clothes don't change how I feel. But I loved my make-up, back in the day, when I was young. I even did some modeling for a while, and was an instructor / teacher at Barbizon School of Modeling in San Francisco. So I've been there and done that.

My daughters do not really like make-up. My youngest is happy not to wear anything on her face. And she doesn't need it. She is wholesome and beautiful! My oldest daughter, also gorgeous, wears a minimal amount now (since she turned 30). So now I work on raising their self esteem and keeping it there. Maybe I should be working on me, too. (Smile!)

I loved your post. Thank you for letting us in your home and sharing pieces of your life!

~Virginia

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Virginia, I think that if you love clothes and makeup you should rock them! If it's been a long time, what could it hurt to try? HomeRearedChef I also think there is a certain bravery in wearing a bare face. You must have done a very good job of keeping your daughter's self-esteem lifted :)

Thank you for your comment and your kind words. I'm so happy that you've enjoyed my posts!

mamamash 5 pts

Desi, Danica is such a smart girl. And fabulous, obviously.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thank you, sweet lady! mamamash She is definitely all of those things :)

Grace Hwang Lynch 38 pts

Your daughter is so wise! And this is coming from a woman who loves her makeup and clothes. It's great that she can learn at such a young age that you can enjoy and have fun with these superficial things, that her real beauty is from the inside.

And the lipstick wearing friend scares me.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

She is amazing. I hope she can hold onto that wisdom through the junior high gauntlet into adulthood. Grace Hwang Lynch Also? I'm so glad I'm not alone about the lipstick wearing friend!

KarenLynnn 391 pts

I love this post. And I'm totally with you on the no makeup thing. my skin is so sensitive, even eyeshadow makes me itch like crazy. My daughter was really into eye make up for a long time, but she too stopped once she had grandson number one, saving for special occasions. have you ever seen "toddlers and tiaras"? i turned it on for 5 minutes the other day because there was nothing else on tv. after seeing these little girls dressed like strippers, i turned it off.

it's all about self acceptance i guess.

DesiValentine4 268 pts

I've seen the promos for Toddlers and Tiaras, but I've never watched the show. I know nothing about the child beauty queen circuit, and I'm sure it's sensationalized for tv, but it doesn't seem healthy to me. I mean, is it just dress-up to the thousandth power? Or does it give little girls a completely synthetic definition of "beauty"? KarenLynnn

It is about self acceptance, I agree :)

Stacy Morrison 15 pts

I totally love this post, too. (Which is why I picked it out.) I agree with SusanTN that it speaks volumes about the lessons Desi has taught her little girl! Here's to confidence and decorating ourselves however we please! (This from a woman who likes her makeup.... though now that I'm a WAHM, a shower is a big event, to tell the truth.)

DesiValentine4 268 pts

Thanks! Stacy Morrison At this very moment she is strutting through the kitchen with her tiara and her runway walk (where does she get this stuff?!?!). I'm not sure how much I had to to do with it, but she is a very confident little girl. I hope we can keep her that way :)

SusanTN 5 pts

I love this post! It reminds me of the days when I would watch my mother dress up for an evening out and I would dream of the days when I would be doing the same. However, what really made me want to comment was the part where your daughter says, "I'm already beautiful." To teach your daughter to have such confidence in herself shows what a beautiful person your are.

Susan

http://susans-musings.com

Conversation from Facebook

Desi Valentine
Desi Valentine

Thanks, everybody. She's an amazing little girl.

Stuart Country Day School
Stuart Country Day School

Such a sweet story. Thanks for sharing

Jo Lynn Blankenship
Jo Lynn Blankenship

Thanks for the insight.