But I try not to at work.
I met a woman who works for Blue Scope steel, in a refinery I think. She said she needs to be accepted into her all male team, but she still needs a boundary that says 'I'm a woman'. And she does that by not swearing. She never pulls them up for swearing in front of her (she will shut down the jokes, if they're really off colour). But it is language she will not use. When you're all wearing overalls and helmets, I guess you have to find something.
My other take on swearing comes from Baden-Powell, the guy who invented scouts (he wrote a heap of books on 'how to be a better man' for young guys.) About swearing he says it's a great stress reliever. But you don't want to wear out it's power by saying it too much. You also don't want it to be so common place that you accidently say 'fuck!' when tripping over in front of the queen.

I'm right there with ya. I have a potty mouth, for sure, though i do a pretty good job of keeping it in check in public - unless chilling with my friends counts as public.

The car, however is a different story. There are just so many f'ing idiot f'tards on the road, and sometimes you just have to call it as you see it. (Is it really THAT hard to use a d*#n blinker?)

So, I cracked up - equal parts hilarity and horror - when I let out a blue streak in front of our daughter when we were at home (something must have rightly caused it, of that I am sure) and our daughter said, "mommy, those words belong in the car."

As "funny" as it was, I realized that she was already figuring out the lines of what's appropriate in what setting. Indeed, there is not one kind of appropriate behavior, and the ability to know what is appropriate in a given setting is a sign of maturity that woefully few people reach. I was impressed with her.

As for the language - I am who I am. I swear, I flirt, I eat red meat.... I am who I am. And I try very hard to help other's feel comfortable being who they are. And any language that prevents that, is simply not appropriate.

Great post. Thanks!
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

And in social situations or on my blog, I'm still trying to figure out what the big deal is.

But yeah, at work, not so much. I had a boss once that would curse like I couldn't believe on the phone, and I found it really offensive. I definitely prefer professional behavior in the work place, and I guess more than the occasional curse at work strikes me as unprofessional.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

I believe that cussing with strong language shows 1) a lack of self control, and 2) laziness with using our English language in a more creative way to express ourselves.

Personally, I swear too much privately. I rarely swear in a business setting, and if so, only among social friends. It is completely inappropriate in a corporate environment.

20 years ago I was working on a project at a now defunct computer company. Pretty much run by men. The guys all swore like sailors. So did us gals. Then one day one of my women colleagues and I decided that our office had the ambiance of a restroom, a dirty restroom, and we decided to take a stand and stop swearing ourselves, while at work. We also informed our bosses that we were doing this and requested that they look at their language and tone it down as well. Remarkably, our bosses listened, and within days, the whole feeling of the place changed. We no longer felt confronted on an hourly basis with verbal graffiti.

These days I think this is more of a large company vs small company issue. In large companies, especially large public companies, you simply cannot swear the way you can in a small company or startup. Swearing creates what many people think is a "hostile environment", and excessive swearing that is tolerated opens a company up to lawsuits. In larger companies, the HR departments make it really clear to everyone about proper corporate conduct. Startups and tiny companies usually don't have that kind of HR support.

One day at my last start up, the guys (at the time I was the only female exec) started going on about " what a cluster f*ck" and "don't get a hard on over that". One of them asked me what I thought about the issue and I replied "I'm getting a 'wet-on' over it". The conversation stopped cold. I then said, "not exactly the imagery you want, eh? Have I made my point? I don't really need to hear all this talk about your hard-ons." The point was made. Shocked them actually. But it was made and they stopped, at least around me.

Back to swearing. I do it. I try not to most the time. I do firmly believe that it is a lazy, uncreative way to express oneself, and it has no place in a corporate environment.

Elise Bauer
Simply Recipes
Learning Movable Type

In the environment I started work in - a large local public accounting firm, cursing was accepted and normal part of business. When you're working 80-100 hours a week for months on end, the curse words tend to fly a lot. I could always tell when my boss was really on edge when he finally uttered the first "fuck" of a tax season when reviewing a tax return. My review notes to other employees never included "this is crap!" or anything like that, but it was common to hear just about any curse bandied about during regular business hours. It's the way all the partners were spoken to when they were coming up and it continued, much like Saturday work days starting in January. It's traditional.

One of my colleagues had a penchant for "fuck," and at her yearly review, her boss asked her to tone it down, "unless, you know, it's a big part of your personality." She would also curse on the phone with clients, which I found distasteful. Personally, my favorite word is shit and I tend to say it a lot.

Now that I have changed jobs to spend more time with my family and moved three states over to actually live in the same state as all of my family, I work in the tax department of a telephone company. And, while there are a few "crap"s and "damnit"s uttered everyday, it's not like my old office and it's been hard for me to break the habit of using shit as an object of my sentence or jackass as an adjective.

I think the more high, sustained stress level of a business it is, the more likely that "fuck" is part of the local vernacular. But I'm sure there are some cultures of offices that make it more likely for an employee to have to watch their mouth when a client comes in. It really doesn't bother me in the least, but I would prefer not to use the f-word. I don' t really say it at home either, unless I'm just seriously worked up about something, and that's very rarely. And it's never directed at someone.

I think that's part of the issue, whether you're directing the curse at someone or just saying it. If someone said my work was shit or fuck you or go to hell, it's a much bigger deal than swearing at the copier.

Kelly
Mrs. CPA

Last Friday I posted on this subject in my personal blog. I was bemused by this study and took note that as of the end of last week, women bloggers weren't talking about the study but men were..which I think supports one of the findings of the study that while women love to swear we may not need to swear...

My observation is that while women swear many of us( particularly of a certain age) have a tape in our head that we are doing something we shouldn't do.

I have a hunch ( not based on any research ) the exact opposite could occur for men. They see swearing as MANLY and being told they can't swear makes them feel cissified In other words, many men need to swear to feel their complete selves.

Like Lisa, I started my career in a newsroom, no women models at WWBT-TV in the early 70s.

Wearing a trench coat, drinking , chain smoking and swearing like a sailor was what I thought I needed to do to be ACCEPTED by the guys. Being accepted was a high priority -- I did not want to be the girl reporter , I wanted to be one of the guys.

That changed one day when I was substituting for the weather girl (don't ask -- it was definitely a gender situation, I still can't tell a high system from a low system and it was the low point of my career) Anyway, there I was in the studio and must have said a choice word during a commercial break. That's when the sports guy...Jim Granger ...said that if I wanted to be professional I needed to learn to keep profanity out of the studio. He also said something how unbecoming it was to listen to girls swear.

I definitely took his advice and stopped the potty mouth anywhere near a red light -- and found that being able to control my swearing in the studio meant I could control my swearing other places.

Despite my wishes that his message didn't penetrate my thinking, I have that little voice in my head saying it is unbecoming ( in a professional situation) to swear. I still hear it so I guess deep down I believe it. Am I a product of my generation? I didn't say the F word until I was 18 or 19 years old.

My personal life is a different situation. I love signature swearing the most -- Same series of words that become your go to release when you are mad, frustrated or annoyed. Mine includes the word duck.

With my 18 and 23 year old I notice that they use swear words much the way I would use, Cool or Geez -- its so much a part of their vernacular that the meaning of the word transforms depending on the intonation and intensity of their voice.

A couple of years ago I interviewed a business owner in India and asked what they disliked the most about working with Americans. I thought he would say something about how rude we are. No. It was our swearing. He said it simply is not accepted in Indian culture and our ( but particularly the Australians) use of profanity in a business setting was very upsetting to his staff.

As we become a globalized society will that remain true? Or will the younger generation adopt the American style of talking and swearing.

elana
Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

A long time ago, I tried not to swear at work. I worked at a nonprofit agency that financed affordable housing and child care centers. The former, beloved ED could be heard screaming "Fuck!" from his office, and no one batted an eye, so I stopped checking my dirty mouth at the door. However, my co-workers were often amused by my pleasant conversation with my clients in which I said kind and soothing things to them, then blew up as soon as I hung up the phone, spewing all manner of invectives. As I came to hate my job more and more over the years, I hid my inappropriate language less and less. In meetings, I would swear like a crazy person. I think I wanted someone to call me out on it, but people just wrote it off as me being me and almost gave me a pat on the head for it. I certainly got away with it more because I appear very sweet and innocent in general. In my last year, I hoped that they'd fire me for it, that's how bad it was.

I would never, ever swear at anyone I work with directly, though. And generally when I met with people in the child care world (who do NOT swear), I kept it in check. Although bad things slipped out sometimes, and I was almost looked at as a rebel of sorts.

The interesting thing about my horrific swearing habit is that it developed when I was fairly young as a defense mechanism. As a nerdy fat kid who loved to read, I was a good target for getting picked on. I found that screaming "forbidden" words at people who made fun of me seemed to make me a little more intimidating or scary, and as a result, my tormentors backed off quickly and found quieter, less crazy victims. Somehow, my swearing became a weird part of my identity, and I never looked back.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants

I don't mind swearing in moderation at work with co-workers that I am comfortable with. I do it - my co-workers do it. Again, moderation, taste and common sense are key as are an awareness of the people present. I wouldn't swear in front of clients, industry peers or even certain conservative co-workers. Of course, over use is not classy or smart and would be obnoxious but the well-timed curse can be a good release.

As I was sitting here reading these comments the guy in the office next to me yelled out "oh shit".

I've been thinking of all the situations where I have sworn at work and there really haven't been many despite my proclivity to do so everywhere else. The fact that I got to say 'fuck' in this space made me positively giddy to say the least.

The world that I work in is such an old boys club. So the men tend to do a lot of swearing and as more and more women come into this world the more and more they have to try and keep up and play with the big boys. This isn't just about swearing and whether or not it should be kosher in the workplace this is also about gender roles in the work place and despite the fact that it's 2007 it's still only acceptable for men to do certain things and women should just be lady like, cross their ankles and never say "Holy mother fucker" while drinking gin.

I try not to swear at work not because it's the ladylike thing to do but because most of the time it's unnecessary.

Heather B.
Personal Blog: No Pasa Nada
BlogHer CE: Business, Career & Personal Finance

Yvonne DiVita
Blogging for Books and Business

Ok, I have to weigh in. Swearing is the last bastion of the unintelligent. Sorry. If you are swearing just to swear, then you need to go back to school and get a better vocabulary. Please, don't get me wrong - I'm not being stuffy or old-fashioned, I'm being annoyed. Swearing is a useless act of ... nothing. People who think swearing is "it" are -- stupid. Because they can't think of any other appropriate language. Swearing at work is wrong, regardless of your age or title - I think little of people who use swear words to convey a message. Swearing out of shock or anger is... not any more acceptable than swearing just to hear yourself swear. I may be a party of one, but... people who swear should have their mouths washed out with soap.

I am especially troubled by women who think they have to swear to keep up with the old boys' club. Really? Why not be BETTER than the old boys and use appropriate language? Why not be sincere in your word usage instead of "joining the crowd"... let men be obnoxious, it's in their nature. Why do YOU have to join that club? Just because men can pee in circles on the snow, doesn't mean women have to learn how to do it, too!

That's it. I get the jist of things - words are just words, regardless of their meaning or intention, except... the pen is mightier than the sword and swear words wouldn't be swear words if they didn't encourage conversations like this. I think it's sad that in a world that is supposed to be growing in intelligence, we still feel the need to embrace foul language to make a point.

Gals, it doesn't make you better, stronger, taller, more appealing, or more confident to bow to the lowest common denominator and pepper your conversation with foul language. It makes you another sheep in a vast herd - driven by foul-mouthed dogs happy to see that they're still in control. JMHO

Okay. I SWEAR. I SWEAR MUCHLY. A much of a muchness of swear words pops out of MY mouth whenEVER.

I worked in NYC during the 1980s; the higher UP the status ladder we climbed the MORE we SWORE. IT was a badge of honor thing; it was not used to bond with men. We swore because we could and because if felt RIGHT. Those swear words just had a way of saying what you MEANT TO SAY in ways the ones didn't have the "syntax" to say! We lived under pressure, under glass, wearing power suits and trainers bought at Brooks Brothers and Barney's and Bloomie's underwear .. and we swore when we went out shopping together coated against the elements; the status outfits and our slaggy ole mouths de rigeur.

We were ULTRA feminized; our nails were done in salons after work and were dragon claws. Our hair was cut in fashionable and EXPENSIVE salons. Our teeth were well tended. We read the right magazines; we drank skinny shakes for lunch and had salads. The annual cost of our makeup could have supported a small-nation state at the time.

And we swore, and we cursed, and we used fucking in front of every single noun as we were JUDGING everything and everybody who came along. But also, it felt RIGHT. We'd EARNED the right to profane! Nothing was holy but our checkbooks.

Would I swear in front of the Queen? Probably. I could stumble, and not because I am awed; I'm a klutz. And automatically the fuck me! would come out of my mouth and I would feel not an instant of guilt or shame. Guilt and shame are socially-conditioned responses and vary from one culture to another. But this TABOO on women's swearing remains. How come?? In my case, the swearing words are stabs at an unjust world; I have forsaken the arrogant stance I once had and become a much more humble person. But that urge to let off steam with a ripe curse never passes.

I've read George Carlin's advice on the nine words NOT to use. I see his point. I am NEVER going to make it on TV as "myself" .. and yes, I CAN supress myself on occasion as I have no wish to scandalize others. But to me, the words I choose are part of who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. No need to cast off my shadow self.

I can swear in Brit, in various MURKAN dialects and in Canuck now . and they are all different, too. I just want to ensure that those who hear it (outside myself) know EXACTLY the meaning I intend to convey.

So sometimes BALLS! or BLOODY! does the job that something else might not do, and those phrases while sound innocuous to YOU might be totally offensive to the Queen who would know EXACTLY what I mean ... and she'd think I was so ... ill mannered. But I can eat with the best of them knowing the right forkz and spoonz, eat with my fingers, eat with chopsticks, and all of them are fine with me. I get to choose!

Manners are still a very moot point .. and even that adjective does not mean the same thing everywhere ... but wordz are my toolz, and even the ones someone else might not choose can be okay for ME. Why must I limit myself by ONLY using the tools I am told I MUST or suffer because I don't have the same tool kit as someone else??

I grew up in a house where swearing was prohibited - except of course, if one of my parent's stubbed their toe and then, the worst words that came out of their mouths were "bloody hell fire" (british) or "SHIT!" Nonetheless, I have mastered the f*** language and it rolls off my tongue like water off a duck's back in appropriate settings - like the privacy of my home or my office or my car...well and sometimes in inappropriate settings too.

I agree that swearing isn't very becoming of a young lady, but heck, sometimes nothing beats a good F*bomb. There's just a certain impact or release it offers that you can't find in other words. And strangely enough, some people appreciate a well dressed woman who isn't opposed to calling it like she sees it, even if it is a F****** bleep bleep!

Helene
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide
http://themodernwomansdivorceguide.com

by the following not-quite-four-letter words and expressions:

- Irregardless
- Libary
- Nucular
- "should have went..."

They have NO place in the office OR at home.

---
Kristy Sammis
BlogHer's Marketing & Events Manager
e. kristy@blogher.org

The only problem I have with swearing is when I'm out with my kids and someone continually swears around them. I'm talking about places like the park and Friendly's; places that are obviously kid-friendly.
Alex Elliot, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting

"Birfday" to the list of offending non-profanities? I have a friend with a law degree who cannot say birthday. And it makes me absolutely insane, but I've yet to correct her because I just can't bring myself to do it.

I work for the goverment and "excessive" profanity is prohibited in my division's general manual. Of course, excessive is not defined, which as a lawyer I know this essentially becomes a useless provision because without a definition, there is no arbiter to say what is excessive. I once referred to a friend of my sister's as a "skanky ho" to a co-worker while telling a story. When I got back from lunch that day, I found a sticky note on my computer screen with the general manual code section regarding "excessive profanity." I find that kind of petty immaturity far more offensive than cursing, which I do do at work, though not in a manner I feel is excessive. I think it is somewhat immature to be unable to deal with someone who curses in small doses at work. If you are offended by little profanities here and there, you are going to be constantly offended by people who are not obligated by a manual to adhere to your standards of proper behavior.

When I'm at work and hear someone using a lot of profanity, it just seems to me that they cannot find the words that they are looking for and revert to the simplest form of expression - the curse word. To those people, I would like to say find a dictionary and look for a more original way to get your point across. I definitely give more consideration to carefully formed expressions than those pieced together with every available 4 letter word.

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