The Littles Will Never be Hipsters

Hipster Tot

I have news. We live in a hipster neighborhood, but the Littles will never be hipsters. To be a hipster tot, you must be cool. And you need to have cool parents, which I think we can all agree, the Littles do not have. Hipster tots wouldn't be caught dead in disposable diapers because they aren't "organic", and let's face it, they promote mainstream kiddie characters. I know, so passé. The Littles sadly don't eat homemade vegan baby food or drink green sippy cup smoothies. And they don't snack on kale, though Ironman swears we have some in the backyard (shh, don't tell him, they are just weeds). The Littles clothing? Osh Kosh, which I totally did not pick up from the vintage rack at Hipsters R Us. So you'll see every third kid wearing their digs if you visit the playground, which you wouldn't if you were a hipster tot, because you'd be at the local coffee shop with your cool mom and skinny jean dad drooling on the latest indie cd. Sigh. I feel just terrible that the Littles will never experience confusion when someone calls their name and they are really just referring to nature or a piece of fruit. And I hope us taking them to school in a car instead of on a skateboard doesn't damage their psyche too much. You see, we aren't effortlessly cool or edgy parents. Ironman doesn't own a single speed or an underground band t-shirt. I wear glasses with real lenses and I have no idea what's up and coming. I'm not even sure I know what's right now. That leaves the Littles out of the Hipster circle. Their cool factor hangs in a delicate balance. But think of all of the money they'll save growing up, not buying bow ties, scarves, slouchy beanies and flannel. And think of all of the time they'll save, not sipping soy laden coffee, complaining about how hard their life is in an air-conditioned coffee house. Really, Ironman and I are doing the Littles a favor. Worrying about being cool, but not too cool, is a burden we don't want them to have to carry. So, we'll continue to wear regular jeans and season appropriate garb. We'll continue listening to music even after the band becomes popular. Gasp. And we'll continue to openly enjoy things. Someday when the Littles ask why we couldn't be more like so-and-so's hipster parents, we'll just tell them the truth, "We don't like to conform."

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