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With the recent deaths of some much-loved celebrities came the onslought of memorials. Be it a large memorial service or several small shrines in cities nationwide, admiration of these individuals has been publicly displayed. And all of this made me think. It made me think about how little we appreciate people when they are actually around to be touched by our love.
Michael Jackson has been under the scrutiny of the public eye for nearly all his life, though the last several years have been the most criticized. But in his death we are all forced to recognize that, while he was eccentric and his actions were questionable, he was human. He was a father,son, brother, humanitarian, and brilliant musician. This forces me to look to my own relationships with a critical eye.
It was four years ago this month that my own father died. (I'm sorry but I just don't like the term "passed away.") He lived his life hard and died at an age that, in this day and time, is considered young. He was 39. I spent the last year and a half of his life giving him he silent treatment because of the mistakes he had made. It was really more from a lack of knowing how to deal with it than anything. Because I didn't know how to deal, I ran. After he died I determined that this wasn't my best move. I never got to say goodbye nor did I get to tell him that, even though he did some really rotten things, I loved him anyway. I have spent a great portion of time since then dealing with the guilt and remorse that comes with cutting a person you care about from your life and having them go and die on you before you grow up enough to learn that sometimes people die unexpectedly. And now when I look back I still remember the bad things but the good things about my dad are what I think of most.
I know that I am not the first person on the planet to go through a situation like this. What I'm wondering is why, for so many of us, is it so easy to focus on the negative things in people when they are in our lives only to regret not appreciating them when they are gone? One of the things I have learned since that time in my life is that it is possible to continue loving someone while simultaneously not allowing them to create a destructive force in your life. It is possible, albeit difficult at times, to express your love to someone who has hurt you while letting them know that they have hurt you. I didn't used to think that the two could co-exist but now I know they can. It is possible to say, "You know, I think that _________ was wrong, but I still love you. And, you know, you've got some really great qualities."
