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"I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky." - Sharon Olds I, too, am a late bloomer. Late to writing, late t...
 
 
 
 

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Lolita Redux: The Early Sexualization of Our Daughters

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circa 1977:  Outdoor headshot portrait of American actor Jodie Foster as a teenager, with the sun highlighting her hair.  (Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Little Lolitas are in the news again. Or rather, society’s sexualized images of young girls are in the news again. A recent report by the Parents Television Council warns us that the objectification of young women in the media must be stopped; that girls’ self-esteem, body image, and sexuality will be deeply harmed because of this oppression. While I couldn’t agree more, I wonder, is this really new news?

Girls and women have been objectified in the media for time immemorial.The ancient Greeks told parables of the Olympic gods’ lust for young girls. Think of the story of Demeter and Persephone in which a mother tries to protect her young daughter from rape and kidnap by Hades, king of the underworld. We know that Lewis Carroll lusted for Alice and every lap Shirley Temple sat on made certain men swoon. In modern times, we have had Nabokov’s Lolita, Jodie Foster and her taxi driver, and Brooke Shields and her jeans, among others. Today, we have the entire Disney line-up, the cast of Gossip Girl, and the cheerleaders of Glee. The difference between then and now? Where once girls were unsuspecting victims, now they are sexual predators, ready to seduce the next man who passes their way.

When I asked my own fourteen-year-old daughter her thoughts on the sexualization of “tween” girls, she laughed and said, “It starts with Barbie and Disney Princesses, not with Miley Cyrus.” She’s right. Barbie’s breasts and mini-skirts, Pocahantus’s deer skin and the Little Mermaid’s hair, are male fantasies -- not girl playthings.

Why is it that female sexuality is always in the hands of others? Forget the Taliban, even in western society girls are either victims or predators. It’s bits or bytes, yin or yang. This black and white notion of what a young girl wants, knows, imagines, does not reflect the reality of natural maturation. I believe sexual awakening comes in waves. It starts as young as two when little girls (and boys) begin exploring their bodies and continues onward through puberty to those first fleeting kisses of adolescence. When done right, the careful unfolding of an intimate relationship to our bodies and our desires leads to a lifetime of healthy sexuality. Hard to do in a society that is threatened by female power.

So the real story here is not the media’s overt sexualization of girls; it is the ongoing oppression of females of every age. The vast majority of media is defined by a male paradigm. If we want to change the images our daughters see, then it needs to start in our own homes. Throw out the fashion and gossip magazines, turn off the television, shut down the Internet connection. What then is left? You decide, but it has to be better than what is out there.

Others sound off on the issue:

Blogger Marsha at the Humane Connection offers a great list of books and links on the subject of early sexualization of our children.

The bloggers at About Face keep an eye on the media circus and what it means for women and girls.

BlogHer and police officer, Suzie Ivy, believes we parents need to be better at policing our children. She asks, “Do you really know what your children are doing?” But I worry that by the time we have to ask ourselves this question, it is already too late.

Finally, consider watching this YouTube video on the media's impact on girls and women with your own daughter. I did.

Gloria Steinem once said, "The first problem for all of us, women and men, is not to learn but to unlearn." I am working on unlearning each and every day. How about you? Lisen www.prismwork.com

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notsuperjustmom 5 pts

and I see the over-sexualization of girls far too often. While I'd like to blame culture and MTV and television and magazines, and while those things DO bear responsibility in this "epidemic," at the heart, it's parents. Children reflect what they see. And if we dress that way and let them see those things, they begin to think that dressing provocatively is okay. Normal, even.

As another commenter said, we have far too many parents who want to be friends instead of parents, and I truly do not understand that.

I'm a Boy Mom and even though he's only 2, I know that it's my responsibility to raise him to respect women and their minds, as well as their bodies. I hope I have a long way to go before I have to have this talk with him, though. :/

Wife, mom, teacher, friend, and PPD/A survivor, Miranda writes the blog Not Super...Just Mom ( http://notsuperjustmom.blogspot.com ).

e-corp 5 pts

For sure television has got a huge fan base but at times parents do not really figure out what their children are exposed to.It is the role of parents to bring up their children showing them which are the right programmes to watch.
If the parent his/her self likes watching romantic shows on tv then automatically the child grows up liking romance.I call upon parents to please look into the lives of their children.What your kid watches plays are greater role about what kind of life that kid is to lead in the near future.Do not stop them from watching tv totally because you got them watching are sex piled movie or a sex scene in a movie.All you can do is to lock the tv when you are not with them or else you can talk to them as a parent without yelling and explain to them the significance of watching positive shows.
Yelling and stopping them from watching tv will induce them into using whatever kind of opportunity they get when you are not at home to watch the programmes you inhibited them from watching.
Play that parenting role and the lives of your children will be changed.

Thanks
Emmanuel.

e-corp 5 pts

From what I have read above I have been attracted to the subject and I feel the need of protecting women and girls from the media pressure that is leaving them no other option but to feel down and ashamed of being in public places.Currently where am living now in Kampala we have had the same cases of the media humiliating women through the exposure of their nudeness.There is a news paper which has for long been putting out the pictures of women fully naked as though they did not have the rights to their privacy.It is indeed a sad case and we need to stand up and fight for the rights of the women.Personally am a man but when it comes to the defence of women it does not put me aside.We need equality for everyone.Be it man or woman.Due to the fact that the media personnel's don't want to be pressured by any other person intruding their lives( private life) means that themselves they should leave women to enjoy their private lives without public exposure.The media has been one of the main sectors that has abused women( teen girls inclusive) for the years it has been in existence.We are challenged to fight for the rights of and safety of the women.

JChandler 5 pts

Borrowing a song lyric "teach your children well" it can be said that some have given up on the teaching in favor of befriending. Protecting girls seems even more important now and arming them with a true sense of self with class, dignity and respect intact.

The early sexualization of girls is far more acceptable than in generations past. To find examples of women/girls who are not exploited through an industry including media, fashion, music, is hard to find.

The bar just keeps getting lower as to what is exploitation. I agree that the hyper and early sexualization is causing harm on multiple levels. My fear is girls and young women will continue to find it difficult to know the "real" women in history (and in society) that were not reliant on their sexuality to be noticed. Teach your children about those women; your boys and girls alike.

I'm very passionate about this from different perspectives; outside of parenting. I see young women who grew up without the proper self esteem to make healthy choices about their bodies, lacking knowledge of appropriate dress for work/career, victims of crimes whose exposure to a sexualized environment was early in life. It has often been my job to build up what is broken, just enough to help them go forward with basic life choices.

We have no real idea the degree of how much the oppression, exploitation and constant examples of sexuality without context has on our youth. Girls are learning very early how to play the game but now there are many more boys and men whose sense of moral boundaries have gotten further away too. As history repeats itself it is the girls and women who lose that game fast.

Thank you for the post. Sorry for the long comment but you hit a nerve. :)

Polish Mama on the Prairie 6 pts

Thank you for writing about this topic. As a mother of two girls here are some of the things I do to hopefully raise my daughters right.
Don't buy into all the diff trends for girls, like Hannah Montana, Bratz, Britney Spears, etc. Pick role models that dress, act, and sing appropriately, on and off screen. Don't buy makeup for your daughters and talk to them about why you... wear makeup. Make sure to not buy them provocative clothing and two piece bathing suits. Don't dress provocatively in front of them. Don't listen to music that is innappropriate, listen to the lyrics of everything before you let them listen to it. And yes, they may not "understand" it now, but it's like the idea of a cat, at first they don't understand what a cat is but expose them often enough to a cat and the word, and they get it eventually, the same goes for sex, drugs and other innappropriate topics, the more often you expose them to it, the earlier they understand it. I highly recommend reading How to Mother Your Daughter. Also, my husband watches to make sure that they are not dressed provocatively and that nor am I and he also watches what he said & does & watches or listens to in front of the girls, bc it isn't just moms responsibility, it's also dads.

lisanoel03 5 pts

Meant to explain that this link was my post from awhile ago about what I'm doing as a mom of all boys.

Lisen Stromberg 5 pts

I've been offline for a few days. Happy to see you all haven't been. It is true. Clothing plays in to the early sexualization of our daughters. I tried to find my 13 year old a halloween costume but between slutty witches and skanky cheerleaders, there wasn't room for much else. She ended up creating her own costume; she was a nerd.

@msadverturess - love it: The freedom to then live is abundant. Well said!

Lisen
www.prismwork.com ( http://www.prismwork.com )

MsAdventuress 5 pts

Thank you for writing this.

When I simplified my life, I realized later how it also omitted the sexuality, the awareness of what is going on, and any need to keep up with everyone else...

-No TV in the home, anymore
-No newspaper/magazine purchases, anymore
-No movie theatres, anymore

One can then (selectively) pull up the TV shows, articles and movies they want to watch, on the internet (with parental pre-approval and guidance).

The freedom...to then live...is abundant.

Adventuring ( http://www.msadventuress.com/ )...

Grace@Haven 5 pts

piece of writing, very informative. Thanks for the link to the SPARKSummit.

My daughter is only 8---and where this has hit me the most is in the clothing choices that are available.

I think that you are right---by the time most parents question where their children are and what they're doing, it's often too late. When you pair access to media and little or no supervision, most children see and hear things that they are not ready to process on their own.

Thanks for your post.

JamieValmon 5 pts

To answer that question, no. I can say from experience, and most of us probably can.

Media portrays the sexuality of females as the norm rather than the taboo...My teen years were during the early 2000s, and I thought everything I saw and read was typical and expected, or else you were not an attractive girl. I thought girls HAD to kiss guys (and go even further) for them to stay interested. At the time, I didn't think that had anything to do with the media. I thought it was the regular way of life. Now, I realize that life does imitate art, even on a subconscious level, and now that I am older, I think back and realize how I really DID look at girls on TV and thought, "I should probably be more like them" even though they were definitely not the best influences for teens.

This mindset began early for me, and as much as I didn't want to admit it when I was younger...TV really did influence my way of thinking. I didn't let my parents monitor my TV viewing. I locked the door to the TV room whenever I watched "Dawson's Creek," or I'd quickly change the channel before they saw me watching a movie with a sex scene. If I was watched with a closer eye (my parents THOUGHT they had a close eye on me), I most likely wouldn't have been in the trouble I got myself into.

Jamie Valmon

 http://lifesunexpectations.blogspot.com

http://jvalmon.theaspenshops.com

MyAdventurousLife 5 pts

You see sexuality every where. Even shopping for a bathing for a 5 yr old. It took me a long time to find the right one. The majority where string bikinis. What is so cute about a 5 yr old wearing a bikini? I hate going shopping. I am average weight, a size 12 after having 2 kids, previously being a size 4. The clothes now are not practical. They just want to show off the boobs among other assets. Skinny jeans? Yeah right. They might fit my left thigh. I love my body because it brought life into the world. The last thing I want to do is starve myself to make me more acceptable to society's perception of an attractive person. The market today really knows how to mess with a girls self esteem.

My Adventurous Life:

Navy Wife, Veteran, Mom, and Student

Lifeandmyadventures.blogspot.com

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Not just media -- its also the clothing choices presented at stores. It's not that you can't find little girl clothing anymore, but it's difficult if you don't have a lot of shopping options in the area. I went to get my daughter a swim suit in June. Most were already gone and one of the ones left was a black string bikini -- in a 5T!

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).