Lonely Mom Seeks Friends
By Mouthy Housewives on October 03, 2011
Featured Member Post
Life is complicated. Thank goodness there are experts to help us untangle some of the vexing issues that, well, vex us on a daily basis. The Mouthy Housewives are here on BlogHerMOMS to help, three times a week. Email your pressing issues and questions to stacy.morrison at blogher.com to be answered in exclusive posts on Fridays. Today, we share the newest Mouthy wisdom on offer.
Credit Image: Photo by Nathan Jones via Flickr
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I quit my job to be a SAHM last year when my daughter was born. She's 16 months old now and I'm still having a hard time meeting other moms and making friends. I'm a introvert and it's hard for me to make the first move. I'm very shy until I get to know someone.
We moved to our neighborhood three years ago and I met two other moms who seemed really nice at first and then they started snubbing me once we put up a fence. I befriended them on Facebook and invited them over but they never invite me. I gave them my number and they never gave me theirs. I still see them getting together outside with their kids and it pains me because I'm so lonely. What the hell did I do to these people to make them hate me?
My husband works fulltime and takes night classes. He has to study on the weekends so I'm starting to go nutty. I joined a playgroup but all the moms that actually go to the functions are already friends with each other and they seem snooty if you're not in their circle. I'm thinking about going back to work just to have a social life but I recently found out I'm pregnant again. No one will hire a pregnant woman. Any advice on what I should do?
Dear Shy Shannon,
Being a mom of young children can be one of the loneliest feelings in the word. Because young kids are super-adorable, but when you turn to a 16-month-old and say, "Damn, I have a headache from that extra glass of Chardonnay last night. I'm worried that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore might be splitting up. And also, I've been meaning to ask&mdashare you supposed to still be sucking on that pacifier?"—the toddler rarely answers.
Mothers need wing women. Someone to assure you that it is perfectly normal to bring your kid to the playground and forget his shoes. And your own shoes.
I don't know what's going on with those gals next door. It sounds like you have reached out as much as you can and for whatever reason they are not reciprocating. You've spent too much energy on those ladies. It's time to take action elsewhere.
First of all, I would sign your kid up for a couple music or gym classes. Your 16-month-old will love it and it's a great way to connect with other moms. Next, start your own playgroup. You think you're the only desperate, lonely mom out there? You aren't. You just have to find them. Put notices up on community bulletin boards and Craigslist. Just write, "Local mom starting a playgroup for kids 1 to 2 years old. Email me at Shannon@I'mAwesomeAndCool.com if you're interested." I'm just guessing that's your email address.
Once you have a group of moms, just plan a playgroup every week at someone's house. I promise this works because that is actually how I made all my mom friends when I first had a baby. I'm still friends with these women seven years later.
I would also make sure you connect with other moms online so you don't feel so alone while you develop IRL friendships. And finally, I would make sure to watch "Gossip Girl" every week because I consider Serena and Blair to be some of my closest friends.
Good luck and keep us posted!