Long-term total sleep deprivation has caused death in lab animals... Guess it's a good thing I'm not a rat!

I'm a light sleeper and I have insomnia. It's been this way since I was old enough to understand what it meant to be responsible, and having a kid only amplified my already worn out existence. Toss in a schizophrenic cat and a husband that snores and you'll have all the makings for a sleep deprived life–yay me! I guess you could call it Karma, or maybe just a simple twist of fate, but my daughter has never really slept through the night. She wakes up at least five times screaming, and usually doesn't remember it the next day. But I do.

Last night was no different, except for the fact that my new cool-air humidifier was exactly that–cool air! It was freezing in my room, despite the blazing heat filtering through the rest of the house, and I couldn't climb into bed quick enough. Then it starts, "Mommy!" *Sigh* I run into my daughter's bedroom, only to find her rolling back over to the other side. Done. Back to bed. <one second later> "Mommy! Come in here!" *Goes in* "What is it?" I ask, "What do you want?" She's sitting up now with a blank stare. "I have to go potty." *Goes potty* I'm wide awake now, so I go back into my office and start working on my next blog. Then he comes in. "I'm going to bed," he announces, "Try not to wake me up!" Then I hear him... Sniffing. My office is on the other side of the wall. I have no door. *Sniff, sniff* It doesn't stop.

I finish my blog post and climb back into bed. He's still sniffing, so I turn up the volume on the remote to hear the TV. It's after midnight. "Can you turn that thing down?" he snaps, but I can't. "I won't be able to hear it over that sniffing! Why don't you go take a pill?" He gets up. He's pissed. I'm thinking he went to go get his allergy medicine, but then I hear him walk into Isla's room. "Get OUT! Get OUT OF MY BED!" she screams, while kicking him OFF of it. "How'd that work out for you?" I snicker when he walks back into the North Pole. "I gave it a shot," he says, and crawls back into bed. "Did you take a pill?" I ask, praying that he had. "Yes," he declares. "That shit better work or I'll be kicking you out of here, too!" *Maniacle laugh*

After a few minutes, all the excitement dies down and I start to get into my movie. I'm watching a Robert Redford film, admiring how well he's aged and wondering why MY wrinkles don't look as good. The ice has finally melted from my heart when she starts in again, "Mommy!" So I leap to her rescue like a good mother and find her sitting up in the middle of her bed pointing to the door. "Look at THAT!" She screams, "All the cold air is coming in!" She's upset and I can't tell if she's awake or sleep talking, but I look at the door anyway. There is a one inch gap because her father hadn't closed it completely when he walked out. I close the door and tuck her back in, but now she has to pee. We walk over to the bathroom, and as I'm standing there waiting for her to go so I can turn the lights off when she's done (because I know she won't), she looks up at me and says, "Why did you come in here?" "Because you called me!" I tell her, "Now go to bed!"

And this is my life... Sure would be a whole lot more fun if they'd legalize marijuana in the South!



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