Lose The Weight, Gain Your Life- The Commitment

In high school, if you had asked me what I thought I would weigh in a decade, I would never have guessed it would have been 100 pounds more than what I weighed then. 

Back then I was a swimmer, rower, soccer player, softball player, and lifeguard.  I was always using my body in my down time too.  I would go hiking, bike riding, roller blading, kayaking, and occasionally running too.  I was the epitome of a healthy person.  I had a metabolism that allowed me to eat everything under the sun that could fit in my stomach, however, I usually chose healthy food.

So what happened? Well, I'm not sure exactly what it was but I know when it happened.  I was in college. My freshman year was a lonely one. I had made many "friends" but all of those relationships were lacking of the compassion and familiarity of those I had for 18 years prior. I began to nap. I didn't eat unless someone asked if I wanted to go to the dining hall.  I lost 15 pounds my first year and I lost my love for life.

In my sophomore year I gained about 30 pounds. I had a tumor that year which took a toll on me emotionally and motivationally.  Fortunately, the tumor was not anything to worry about but I indulged in foods I otherwise would have avoided due to my fears. I stopped trying to stay in shape. I looked at life with the viewpoint of wondering why I should try to live healthy when it doesn't help avoid tumors. I now recognize I was depressed and should have talked to the doctors about it when I had the chance but I never did.

My junior and senior years passed by without effort to maintain a healthy lifestyle which resulted in gaining more weight.

I went through a terrible breakup after college and lost 40 pounds.  I kept that off for 4 years or so and I felt pretty good about life at that point.

I met, dated, and married my husband/best friend.  We had our first daughter in 2011.  I thought it would be easy to get back to pre-baby weight within 3-6 months.  I've seen friends do it so why couldn't I?  Well, I have that answer: post partum depression. I had a fairly difficult time with that and my health went by the wayside yet again.

I blinked and now it's 2014. I'm at the heaviest weight I've ever been.  To be honest, I'm not sure what that weight is because we no longer have a scale.

The road to obesity wasn't easy but it also wasn't intentional.  I think a lot of healthy people look at heavy people like me and wonder how I could not care and let myself get to this point.  You know, the difficult thing about it is they have a point. I didn't care and that is exactly how I got to this weight.

 I'm 29 and I know no one who weighs as much as I do at this age.  If I had to make an educated guess, I would probably say I weigh 250 pounds.  I'm only 5ft 6in so if you want to bust out the  BMI charts you'd see I'm morbidly obese. 

So what's the point of posting all of this for the entire world to review, judge, discuss, criticize, etc.?   Well, the truth is I'm sick.  I'm sick of walking up the stairs and being out of breath when putting my 2 year old to bed. I'm sick of sitting down and seeing my fat rolls. I'm sick of thinking I can squeeze by people and bumping into them with either my butt or my belly. I'm sick of not being able to find any clothes in a regular store. I'm sick of seeing friends photos of how great they look. I'm sick of wondering if my friends tiptoe around me in conversations because they're all thin.

I have tried dieting: slimfast, special k, healthy performance, going to a gym with a trainer, losing weight with friends, money pot workouts (where you pay money if you don't lose weight that week).  The diets failed because they were boring to me. The gym failed because it cost too much money. The trainer failed because it costs too much money. My friends didn't weigh as much as I do and working out with them was embarassing for me because I couldn't keep up.  The money pot workouts cost too much money and they were easy to cheat.

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