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Sparkle (0)
I have been planning a series on "Grief and Grieving" -- and tonight got a call from very dear friends saying that one of their two dogs had died. The spiritual wound made by loss has come to them.
My friends had a brother and a litter mate sister. Their two Bichon Frises were 10 years old, and had been loved and cared for in all the best ways. The little boy dog, Whidbey, died today, after a very brief struggle with what turned out to be pervasive cancer.
My friends' grief is profound, and right now feels bottomless. They did not have human children, so these dogs were their extended family, their "pack". And their grief for sweet, gentle, noble and goofy Whidbey is worthy of nurturing attention from friends and colleagues.
My friend, J, is not a man who cries openly. Yet, as he told me of the passing, he did so through deep and wracking sobs. I joined him in tears for this precious furbaby, a winsome dog that I had also loved.
Our relationship with a pet that we love is not complex. It is made up of mutual and unquestioned love and affection. It is simple and deep. Dogs, often more visibly emotional than cats or other pets, are frequently a reliable and unwavering source of positive energy. But the loss of a cat can be as devastating as any other pet loss. (I just tend to know more dog owners.)
Those of us who have lost beloved pets know that this is a heartache that never fully mends.
I can be brought to tears in a nanosecond about the loss of my dear Boxer, Argos, over 20 years ago. I still cannot tell the story of my childhood Cocker Spaniel's burial without sobbing when I describe my tough, stern father carrying her to her grave. He wrapped Princess in a blanket, and was still speaking words of comfort to her after she died, telling her not to be afraid, that it would be all right, as he cuddled her lifeless body close and gently laid her to rest.
A minister once told me that a woman in his church had gone stoically through the death of her husband, shouldering through the event and getting back on her feet emotionally very quickly. Yet when her dog died a year later, all the emotional floodgates burst and the woman was disconsolate. She had turned to the silent love of her dog for comfort when her husband had died. Then she lost not only her dog, but all the grief-comforting that her dog had given her.
We make a terrible mistake if we do not take these losses seriously, as real episodes of a very particular kind of grief, a particular soul-hurt. Some people think it inappropriate to grieve a creature that was "just a pet". I pray they never have to endure such loss.
For children, the loss of a pet can be the first time they have to encounter death. When I was young, movies such as Old Yeller, The Yearling", Bambi, and even Dumbo at least gave children a reference point for the death of an animal.
The University of Illinois College of Veterinary Medicine has assembled a helpful page of advice here for families with children who are grieving a pet. The volunteer Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement has also posted a guide for helping children through this loss.
For seniors, the loss of a trusted companion can be earth-shattering. It can make living alone a very empty experience.
Even other household pets can feel the loss, and may also pick up on the grief of others in the home.
If you are going through pet-grief, acknowledge it. Respect that the loss of a pet can bring you to a very hard place, and can result in real and painful grief. Talk about it. Get help from friends and family. The net also has support groups and support boards.
If you know people going through that loss, do treat them as you would if they experienced any other loss. Respect the level of their sorrow even if you have difficulty understanding it. Know that they will not recover overnight.
Sites such as Petloss.com provide many valuable resources and links to support groups, pet bereavement counselors, pet cemeteries, helpful books and more.
For a very touching Flash presentation called "The Rainbow Bridge", click here. Do not do so without a Kleenex handy.
I have lost Argos, Toby, and Princess. I
