The loss of Desire
In the proccess of aging, our labidos might tarnish. Mine has. But Mine has because of sexual abuse and promiscuity. And that is what I want to talk about. Age too is the reason, for with age, the more experience in life you have.
I haven't alway hated sex. And it wasn't till I was sadomized that I truley dreaded the deed. But before the bad man I was seeing who I will say 'ruined' me, I was very paticular with who my body would let in. I never knew that the whole time I had been fighting the negetive reactors in body, that I have been asexual my whole life.
I realize, I never have enjoyed sex. I had sex because I thought that is what women were suppose to do. In fact, before I lost my virginity, I told that boyfriend of mine when I was 15, that I would not have sex with him, but he still wanted to date me. I gave in to him, and it was giving in too.
The sodomy, made everything worse. Now I have a hard time even doing it for a chor, so to say, to please my man. All I want, is to have a healthy relationship, I have alway's been able to please my man, no matter if I wanted to or not. But now that i have given myself to so many men in my life, I have a hard time giving myself to the man I love.
Asexuality is hard. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. I love to cuddle, and be kissed by him, and all the attention, but when the penis is involved, I want nothing to do with it.
I am glad I have figured out that when I was 15, I wasn't weird for not wanting to lose my virginity, I was just asexual.