Love and Marriage

Mom and Dad 42 years

Today's my parents 42nd anniversary.  It makes me wonder what marriage really is.  They had an arranged marriage and somehow stayed together for more than forty years.  I know people who dated for  almost a decade and then got a divorce. So what does marriage mean?


Do you remember the Bundy's on "Married with Children?"  It was a farce that created controversy I think mostly because it represented some exaggerated form of truth.  The truth always hurts, and the Bundy's were no exception.  

 

I once wrote about how gay people should have the right to marry because they have unalienable right to the pursuit of unhappiness.  Like the rest of us they should be allowed to pledge their love to someone and then get sick of them.  

 

There is half of me that wants to get married because I want someone to have to jump through hoops and really think about it before they end our relationship. The other half of me thinks why do I need a legal document to keep someone around?  If they want to leave they should be free.  If I want to leave I should be free.

 

Then I think about my parents, what if one of them jumped ship when the going got tough?  Life is hard.  Sometimes it just straight out sucks.  But if you ask my dad he will tell you about the word commitment.  I don't know if I completely buy it but he believes when you promise someone the world, then you keep your promise.  

 

I mean I have trouble committing to a T.V. show for an entire season, much less committing to a partner until death do us part.  I don't think people should stay together if they don't like each other anymore.  But apparently every couple can hate each other at some point and time.

 

You know what I hate, I hate being alone!

 

But my friend polled ten of her married friends and none of them would have gotten married had they had the choice again.  Really?

 

I think people come into your life for a period of time to give you an experience and then they are done and you are done.  I hate to be a skeptic especially on the day that my parents are celebrating over forty years.  I don't wish for a moment that they had broken up, I'm glad they stayed together.


But I'm not sure I believe in happily ever after for myself.  I would love to think that one man is gonna do it for me and we are going to be together until he or I bites it.  The truth is I know people grow apart, I've changed so much in the last ten years that if I had stayed with the boyfriend I had ten years ago, I think I would be miserable.


Maybe forever is for some people and not for others.  Maybe when I find "true love" I will change my tune.  But I can't help but think that if Romeo and Juliet had lived they would have grown apart.


What's funny is generally I'm a romantic.  This bullshit that I'm spewing is actually romance in this day and age. 


Look I may not be one to talk about this in an rational manner because I can't even get a date for Saturday night much less a husband who will stay with me for eternity.  I mean I did meet a nice guy and we will see what will happen...


I do believe in soul mates, but I believe we have a bunch of them.  I used to think there was only one, but I don't know about that anymore.   


Do I want to get married?  Yeah pretty much.  Do I think it will last forever?  Honestly I don't know.  Then why do I want to get married?  Because I like diamonds and I like the idea of a family and I like love.  


I know you don't have to be married to have all that...but it sort of seals the deal.  The deal is marriage began as a way to own women, now it's sort of a way for men and women to own each other.  


In any case I have to own myself first, before I can let another think about possessing me.  


nina

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