Love or Something like it...

Life was so simple when I started out. Just out of college,stepping into a brand new world, everything I wanted was for me to take….Friends, money, career, love, fun. Who knew everything has a price… that life would tempt you with little bit of happiness and just when you think youare the luckiest person in the world, it just screws you…BIG TIME

All I wanted was - a great career, money, a passionate love life, and eventually a happy family and I focused on getting it in that order. I lost my college sweetheart because of the love for success. Over a period of time, I lost my love for success because I realized I am all alone,and no matter how much money, success, friends or fun I have, I just needed someone to love me in that special way only they can... And when I was busy trying to have fun and trying to make money,the lucky ones actually found the love of their life. 

So I thought I should begin my search for Love or something like that... But just because I had my epiphany doesn’t mean I won’t make more mistakes... 

My first biggest mistake, falling for a married guy. If anyone is reading, don’t ever do that, it is not a good way to find the love of your life, most certainly not the best...

Just a glimpse of what happens when you do fall for someone who’s already committed…

1)     The first night you spend together – “Its just fun. We both are adults, we can keep it simple”

2)     After few months – “I know he’s married, but look at the bright side I don’t have to put up with his annoying habits, his wife must be going crazy. I’m lucky that I just get to have the fun stuff”

3)     After a year – “Does he love me? Maybe he does, he’s just scared to say it to me. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I feel it in his touch”

4)     After couple of years – “Why aren’t we together? Why aren’t you coming home to me? We are meant for each other, so please choose me , please love me"

And finally, he chooses, and unlike in romance novels, it won’t be you. Because in the real world, it is difficult for someone to leave their partner for a girl they met just for sex. And though he claims you are the love of his life and if things had been different, you would be the one for him, all he is trying to say is, I’m sorry, but it’s too much work to leave my wife for you. So you have a broken heart....there's no painkiller, no easy solutions to fix this one, you just have to wait and hope your wound heals in time. And just when you think you can't go on anymore, life gives you something to deal with it...or most likely "someone".

He will make you laugh, he will take care of you, he will hold you close in his arms and not let you go, he will make you feel special and wanted and you will start believing that you had to go through the heart break just to meet him, and for the first time you will be happy about it…..And just when you are about to tell him how you feel...he would tell you that he values your friendship and there's someone special in his life that he wants you to get along with..

If you are like me, which I really hope you aren't, you would fall that, and remain as his faithful friend and watch him fall in love or get married and have his happy family, and like its said in "When Harry Met Sally", you will spend the rest of the life knowing your husband is married to someonelse. 

After these two "relationships" I really wish there was a manual for intimacy. When is fun no longer just fun? Where are the boundaries? When does a simple deal turn into a complicated relationship? When does an act of friendship turn into an act of love? When do you walk away? When do you know it’s not what you deserve? When do you give up? When do you stop???? 

I guess the truth is we don’t want to give up, we don’t want to stop, because there’s something about the possibility that our dreams can come true, that he could turn into the One. At the end of the day, all we want is to be loved. 

My biggest question, how do you ask for love????? 


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