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Sue and Bob have both been single for fifteen years. Sue, a divorced mother of two and Bob, a widow with three grown adult boys of his own, met last year on an online dating site. When they decided to meet face-to-face over lattes and espresso, they both admitted to feeling instant heat and it wasn’t due to what was coming from the hot drinks in their hands. They had a lot in common including a love for tennis, hiking, watching Hitchcock’s “Vertigo” and Caribbean cruises. In fact, Bob and Sue were such active adventurers that their own children could not keep up with their energy. |
Six months into the relationship, Bob lost his job as a hotel manager. It was a position that he had held for 20 years. He would soon be approaching his sixtieth birthday and with the economy in a downturn, it was difficult for him to find work. Bob began losing interest in the things he once enjoyed. He stopped going out of the house, and preferred lying in bed to walking in the park, something that he did almost every day after dinner. As a registered nurse, Sue knew immediately that these were the signs of depression.
According to Mental Health America, depression affects an estimated 19 million Americans each year and countless numbers of loved ones. Bob and Sue are not alone; many couples confront this condition every day. Unfortunately, some relationships make it through, while others don’t.
Alisa Ruby Bash, a marriage and family therapist in Beverly Hills, California, recently named one of the country’s top 50 relationship therapists, in The Complete Marriage Counselor, says that many partners tell their depressed lover to “snap out of it” or “cheer up.” Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t work. “What most people don’t realize is that once depression sets in, it isn’t under their control,” she says. “Biological and chemical changes take place in the brain.” She adds that depression is a treatable medical condition, much like diabetes or heart disease.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has depression, there are ways you can keep the relationship together. Bash offers the following advice to Bob and Sue, as well as the millions of couples going through this:
Seek Treatment: More than 90% of people with depression respond positively to therapy and medication. It may take some experimenting before you find the right doctor or dosage, but it is well worth the result of feeling better and being able to live life again as a functioning human being and partner.
Show Support: The healthy partner must be the advocate for treatment. Set up necessary appointments and accompany your loved one to the doctor’s office. Remember, it’s a medical condition. Showing support will let them know that you
