Low-Income Soccer Snacks

was the best thing ever in our time of need! There were people in that food stamp office from all walks of life- elderly women, a 40 something guys with a suit on, young mothers, etc. With that food stamp card, I got more groceries every month than I ever could on my regular paycheck (which I was no longer getting at the time). We ate so good for those 4 months!
I had to change my mindset, I was lucky to have that card. Those who did not were missing out.
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When I was in high school and my parents had to use food stamps, it never occurred to me I should be ashamed. Both my parents worked, we lived in a tiny little apartment, didn't live extravagantly at all (to this day my parents have NEVER taken a real vacation), I went to a private school but we got tuition drastically reduced because of our financial situation (my mom was ready to give up eating herself if it meant I got a good education, but that's another story). We needed the food stamps in order to be able to eat, end of story. I don't believe in shaming people who have exhausted every avenue and still need assistance.

On the other hand, my husband's boss makes more than my Mr and me put together, just bought a $30,000 truck, want to buy a house, she doesn't work AND they receive state benefits. How does that work?

Thank you!

Beautifully written and a wonderful lesson that sadly so many have yet to learn. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for saying that. I've been guilty of crying over spilled milk too. Most of the time I have trucked on through this whole single parent thing without thinking about it because the juggling act is what I know. But I've also had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, and tears are necessary before action. Thank you for sharing yours and your mom's story and bringing it back to being human. And yes, pride is valuable when money is lacking.

Thanks for this. It's stories like this that make me feel so angry when I hear people judging other people's carts when they know that person is using food stamps. We don't know what's going on in a person's life, and, frankly, it's none of our business. I grew up in a single mother household with no money, but you wouldn't have known it, except for our home. We went to private school because my mom cleaned classrooms after work in exchange for tuition. We played soccer and other sports. I asked my mom recently how she did it, and she said, "You know, sometimes I really did cry over spilled milk because I knew we didn't have money for more." I will always appreciate how she sacrificed so we wouldn't feel poor. We didn't have brand-name clothes, and we didn't get a car with our driver's license, but it means a lot to a kid to be able to bring the Gatorade to a game, just like everyone else.

It's just a matter of fact. Young families are generally one-income households. And unless the employed spouse has a really great paying job, the family is going to be scraping by. There's the option of child care, but let's face it, child care costs are expensive. It's hardly worth it if a good portion of a paycheck is going to pay the providor.

As times get tighter (and they will), more and more families will have to rely on programs like WIC, cash aid, food aid, etc. And people just need to get over themselves and stop snubbing their noses at the less-fortunate. After all, anyone can be in this position following an economic hardship.

Even writing this, I felt totally ashamed. Not many people knew I had been in that position. Well, maybe they did. I mean, it was obvious I wasn't living rich as a single mom. But I never came out and admitted that I was on Food Stamps while I was on them. And afterwards, I've been reluctant to tell anyone because of the negativity that surrounds aid. But when your kid needs to eat, you do what you have to do. And the embarassment of that yellow card is a small price to pay to be able to put food on your table.

Don't be ashamed. You are only doing everything you can for your child.

I'm happy that life has taken me from the reality of food stamps. But I will always cherish that time as an experience that humbled me and gave me values that money just can't buy.

Thanks for this post. We don't receive Food Stamps, but we do receive WIC. When you put your things on the conveyor and bring out that check while you have 2 small children with you...HOLY MOLY the looks you get. As if I don't feel shitty enough to begin with that only my husband works, and his pay isn't the greatest. We do what we can for our family. I would go back to work if I could. His job is an on call job, so if I went back to work and he got called in there would be no one to watch our children. It isn't like I want to be using government assistance, it is just how it is. I know getting dirty looks for WIC still doesn't compare to food assistance, but it still hurts for people to look at you like you have failed or are a bad person for using the government money.

I love your post! You wrote so eloquently the feelings that me and I'm sure many of us mothers feel. We are on Food Stamps, WIC, Medicaid.. the works! And although I am so grateful for these programs because we would literally not survive without them, it is hard to show our Food Stamps card at the grocery store or if my friends find out we are below poverty level. I feel ashamed that we can't provide enough for our child that we have to depend on others. But I know its for the greater good and someday it will be different. But yes, now being in this situation, my heart is so much more sensitive to others and understand what they also must be going through.

That was a beautiful post! Please don't ever feel embarrassed for buying food for your children or for their soccer team. No one has the right to judge you and it's no ones business how you spend that money. You sound like a wonderful mom and your kids should be proud!

...are criminals or plagued with an income level that's contageous, there's going to be a very small elite stuck in their tiny little bubble. This economy isn't getting any better, and more and more people are requiring aid to make ends meet.

I'm with you, the poor are NOT the enemy!

I have a hard time when I hear stories like this one. I am the mother of four boys and my husband was laid off recently.

Because of the lay-off, we moved from our fancy suburban house with granite counter tops. We turned off the cable. We buy used.

We may not be on public assistance but our "friends" know that we are in a different "financial situation". Therefore we aren't to be trusted.

Sadly, our society has criminalized the poor. I am not sure why this is... is it because the poor look different than they did during the 1930's crash (no need for cardboard shoes when you can get designer shoes at the Goodwil). If you can’t easily identify the poor sneaky basterds, then maybe they will get some of their poor-goo on you and make you poor too!

Maybe it is because in the Regan era the middle class was pitted against the poor saying that the poor were "lazy" or “dangerous”. Now, they want us to look at the poor as though they are steeling from our “hard working Americans”.

In paranoid minds, they create a false enemy. That way we don't look at the true criminals who lie and steal from us daily.

The poor are not our enemies. They are simply the poor who deserve food options for their family. Even in enlightened self interest, it is important to give the poor access to abundant food choices. Food brings us happiness, community, and cohesiveness. We want our friends and neighbors to feel the love. Am I right?

Thanks for writing this piece and making us all think.

Jennifer

Jennifer

www.cooperating4boys.com ( http://www.cooperating4boys.com )

With the way this economy is going, more and more people are finding themselves on the hard side of poor. We should all find compassion for those who are struggling, understanding that no one wants to be on that side of it, because more likely than not, someone close to us is there - and the rest of us are just one financial hardship away from going under. As far as bootstraps go, while it's not so easy to pull out of it financially just like that, change does start with attitude. If someone wallows in thoughts of being poor, they're going to be poor. Yet add some hope to it and suddenly things start looking up - even if it's just a little. But even the tallest oak tree started out with one tiny acorn.

I've met those people too, the ones who have no desire to stop receiving "free" money, and don't really get the meaning of a dollar. To be nice about it, I'll say that it's very likely they never learned about earning money, pride, or how to budget from their family growing up. And I do believe it's true. A big part of poverty is the mindset. Many of our nation's poor were born into it. And when you're born into it, it's very hard to escape it because it's all you know. I was lucky, I did not grow up poor, but had to learn the ins and outs of it through circumstances surrounding my new position as a single mom. Had I been born into it without ever knowing different, who knows where I'd be now? So to be nice, your co-worker probably knows no different. But I'll also admit that when I see people who could have the means to get off aid and have no desire to, it irritates me as well.

Thank you for your grace in understanding the need of our nation's poor. I too am glad to be able to supply food through my taxes for kids whose parents are barely scraping by, as well as helping those less fortunate who aren't as lucky as me to have a job. Honestly, I believe that the more we cut from the poor, the further downhill this country will be. Don't even get me started on this. We have so much money to fight overseas or "save" other countries. There are commercials that show children starving in third world countries. And I don't lack compassion for them. But those starving kids live here too. And each time we take opportunities to get ahead away from our poor, we are hurting our country's future.

I guess $1200 means something different in different states, lol! Here in California, a 1 bedroom apartment runs for $900. My rent was a little less than that, but not much.

That really stinks about the recent hits your family has suffered! It really shows us what we're capable of when put in a tight position, doesn't it?

I tell you, we had it hard growing up but I never minded how we got our food or that my clothes, and nearly everything I owned, was a hand-me-down, from thrift stores, yard sales... What mattered is we ate, we were clean and healthy.

I was real surprised to see such struggling at $1200 a month, even with 3 kids, until I saw where you're from. The cost of living is cheaper here in Arkansas and $1200 a month is average. Demographics make a huge difference.

Back to the point, I am on food stamps now and probably will always be. I was hurt on the job 3 years ago and it triggered a very rare neurological disorder that the doctors say they've "never seen anything like it". Though I didn't make 'big bucks', I did fairly well financially, particularly for a single Mom of one Son (since 1993). My problem: they disabled me. Although I worked, it wasn't a lot of years so my disability, being a percentage of what I've earned in my 'lifetime' is a whopping $935 a month. My Son is over 18 so he doesn't get a check so we're living on that amount.

How? Barely! I rob Peter to pay Paul constantly. Even food stamps doesn't cover it all.

On top of that, I have a lot of medical expenses. Up until this week, I had to pay $110/mo just for my Medicare plus my 20% but I finally qualified to get that paid.

To shorten it all, I'm not ashamed to get/use my food stamps and no other good, honest person should be either. Life doesn't always go as we wanted/planned but we have to take care of ourselves and our family. I hold my head high because I know what it cost me to get here.

I didn't know you could do that either.

When I was a kid, for a while after my very young parents' divorce, there were times I only ate because of food stamps.

These days, as a married, gainfully employed college graduate, I'm ensconced solidly enough in the middle class that my worst financial problem is figuring out how to pay for my son's private school. As a person who pays taxes I am HAPPY to have my tax money go to food stamps so that other people's children can eat. In fact, I'd say that's one of the things I am proudest to pay taxes for. It's not just that paying for food stamps feels like paying back a system that helped me when I was too young to fend for myself. It's not just that I feel feeding hungry people is a morally correct thing to do. I also firmly believe that our social safety net is a sound investment in long-term economic stability for us all. Children who can go to school with a full stomach are much more likely to learn; adults who can give their kids enough to eat are less likely to commit crimes. And an educated and peaceful society is more likely to create a productive and inventive economy that benefits every member.

Why do some people persist in believing that the best solution to poverty is to cause more of it by cutting aid to the working poor? I'll never understand that. Every economic study I've ever read on the effect on food aid to impoverished families has shown that access to nutritious food helps lift children out of poverty.

I think this is very well put and an important reminder. I know I got frustrated with a lady at my work who was on assistance often and for long stretches of time. The reason for my frustration was not the fact that she needed the help, but instead that she bragged about it like she won the lottery. I can remember her coming into the office the afternoon she registered her kids for school and loudly, proudly, and annoyed stated that she got free lunches for the kids but had to pay for her son's field trips. Then she quickly proceeded to order lunch for herself and have it delivered because she didn't want to drive. I made more than her given my position, education, etc...but even I consider the cost of going out to eat and would rather walk/drive to get my lunch than pay the needless $2.50 delivery charge.
I think it is experiences like that which make people feel like "everyone" is taking advantage of the system. I am all for the system and I think stories like your are important to share. It reminds us that the system does work as it should.
I don't come from money myself. My parents came to this country when they were 16 & 17, my dad with a high school education, my mother only 8th grade. My parents worked, worked, worked (and went without) to pay for our things. We never ate at restaurants, never went on vacations, and I had no idea that people got more than 1 christmas present under the tree until I was 15. I learned the value of money and understand that circumstances can make life very very difficult at times...but your story was heartwarming.

CroMom

I wrote a blog the other day about people's seemingly intense anger for the poor, and I just don't get it. I've never received assistance, but know people who have, and now those SAME people are the ones leaving facebook statuses saying people need to pick themselves up by their boot straps, when they themselves just got lucky and married a rich guy. I just don't get it.

Your story brought tears to my eyes, and is a great reminder to think about what others are going through, and to remember that we are all just trying to make it every day, and EVERYONE needs help. Thank you for your post.

Liberal oilfield wife. I write, I hula hoop, I craft, and I listen to music you might hate.
Unlikely Oil Field Wife ( http://www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com )

The kids and I have conversations sometimes on money, and the shoulda coulda wouldas. And we've come to the general consensus that, while it would be nice to have enough money to feel rich, we're better off because we had to struggle a bit. And in a way, it's made us richer.

Thank you for your note. While you feel fortunate for your parents, I think they feel just as fortunate to have you, and wouldn't have had their "vacations" or "luxuries" any other way.

It wasn't until I became financially independent that I finally began to realize how much my parents sacrificed so that I could play sports growing up. I always thought Top Ramen was a standard, every day meal, that my no-name sports drink was just as good as my teammates' Gatorade, and that the odd looks my family sometimes got from others was because they loved cheering for us, loudly.

Now at 27 years old, I'm able to see the truth. Their vacations were my tournaments, their new clothes were my new cleats, and they kept to themselves because the other parents looked down on them.

My years of playing soccer are over, but I know that I'm the well-rounded person I am today because of the sports my parents allowed me to play. So while your kids might not realize it yet, know that they will eventually and when they do, this is what they'll say ...

Mom, thank you...for everything.

...how far you can make that small amount stretch. We learned really quick how to buy groceries so that we were eating leftovers for days. And the kids stopped complaining about it because it became the norm. Still is. People are shocked at how little I can spend on groceries for the month.

I never even thought that seeds for food could be used with food stamps. That's really good to know.

And yes, it's time people got their head out of their ass and realized that this economy is tough on everyone, and there are a lot more people in need of aid than ever before. And a little grace is necessary, especially those who are still fortunate enough to be above the poverty level.

To me using it made me somehow feel like I was less of a person,,, second class citizen who didn't deserve to buy groceries.
I realized something, it was either the way the ple in back of me were looking at me, or just bc I got really self concious at that moment, it was my imagination.
But when u can't find work, ur moms only working pt and you got a toddler at homne.I also reaized I never got self concious when I got the cash every month, why? that was how we paid the rent so without that card we'd homelss and without that card we'd be hugry. And I could take that 271 and make it last until nearly the end of the month. Most of the time

Thanks for sharing this post it is timely and with no end in site to this recession it will be timely for a while. Just a note food seeds are foodstampable if you are able to grow a garden. If people want to judge me because I use my EBT card then thats their ignorance and their loss sometimes people need to come off of their pedestal and look at their fellow human in the eye...thanks again!

WHO CARES WHERE YOU COME FROM, ITS WHERE YOU ARE GOING THAT MATTERS! DEVS GLAMMA  http://www.noturtypicalgma.blogspot.com

Seriously! Couldn't have said it better myself. I just want to hug you through the computer. :-)

This story makes me want to cry.

I remember my mom paying for items with food stamps when I was young. I was too young to be embarrassed myself and yet I sensed my mother's discomfort - she, an extremely educated woman left to raise me alone, and often unable to get a job because the ones she applied for and was a good fit for on the PHONE were suddenly unavailable when the hue of her skin was discovered at the interview.

You know what this story says to me? Whether we're talking food stamps, or breastfeeding, or SAHM vs work outside, or what, we just really need to stop judging people. We need to stop assuming the worst about people: that moms working outside don't love their kids, or that homeschooling parents are the lunatic fringe, or that people on food stamps are layabouts with no self-worth content to live off someone else's dime. Those people do exist, but they are far more often the exception than the rule. I don't know if people think that by distancing themselves in a cruel finger-pointing way they will make it clear to the Universe that they can't suffer the same fate, but karma is a bitch, and in this economy you'd think people would understand that there are so many hard-working people who WANT to provide and are willing to work HARD and just aren't being allowed to. Anyhow, I'm so happy you're not living this anymore...but I know those memories will remain poignant ones. Thank you so much for sharing this (again).

Thanks! And you're welcome!

I love your attitude towards your situation. Sorry there's hardship financially, but you have an essence that's rich!

Thank you for sharing. Awesome.

I am totally in your shoes right now. I have comprehensive exams in 24 days for my MPA, a husband with a BS (GIS/Spatial Analysis - not a "real" job for him in our small university town), and two children.
My husband, who's now in grad school for lack of a job, teaches earth science labs for tuition and a (small!) stipend at the university. We barely make it, but we do, and I'm glad to have what we have. FS sure do relieve a lot of pressure. The poster hit the nail on the head when she said nobody wants to be holding that card, although I don't really care what people think if they see it or know. I know where I am and where I'm going. They don't. I'm proud of myself. They don't know me.
This was good reading. =]

...aren't fair. I can't believe that you were told the mom should have been the one applying. Well, actually, I can.... That's harsh.

And you'd think the card would make things more discreet. At least, that was part of the intention. They should really put cashiers through a "tact" training.

I was on food assistance when they were just transitioning from the coupons to the cards. I still remember the first time I used the card, I was SO relieved that people in line would see me swipe what could have been just a debit or credit card and not counting out "food stamps". Naturally, the clerk couldn't FATHOM that a clean cut white male would be paying with an EBT card and kept trying to process it as a credit card, then LOUDLY complained to me that I should have told him up front that I was using public assistance.

Humiliated? Yep! But I had been laid off from my job with NO prospects in sight and three children to feed. Never mind the drama of trying to even apply for the program and being told that their mother should be doing this because they don't trust fathers to use it in support of their family.

It's the same way here too! If you aren't actively looking for a job, working a job, or receiving skills to get a job (i.e. school), you aren't going to receive benefits. Granted, there are always those who skirt the rules and are able to somehow rape the system. But come on, the majority are working their asses off!

...when the cashier practically shouts out about the card despite your best intentions of concealing it away so that the rest of the store doesn't know. It feels like they're doing it on purpose too, as if their shaming us is going to make us decide to stop using it.

I don't get it either, the twisted entitlement people push on the poor, as if it were their choice to be struggling. It probably has to do with those who abuse the system. But it's not fair to the majority who are following the rules, and dependant on it to make ends meet.

Thank you so much for visiting my regular blog, too, and leaving a comment. I really appreciate it!

Thank you!

I am so sick and tired of the ignorant comments people make about those who receive food stamps. There are many people who work full time jobs, but still qualify for help... does that make them lazy?? A lot of people still view anyone that gets aid as being too lazy to get a job and that they just sit on their butts at home collecting money and food stamps. Around here, if you don't work, you don't get help unless you go to a job find program 5 days a week!

Working from Home and Loving It!

Work at Home Strategies Blog ( http://crazedmama.blogspot.com/ )

&a

I live in an area that has a lot of people on food stamps, so the grocery store cashiers don't bat an eye when I use my card. At least not in this town. When I stopped to get some stuff at the market near my sister's house, I got an "Oh! You're using food stamps" very loudly announced by the cashier. I wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. I don't like being on food stamps but as a single mom to three girls, I have to be. I work, but I don't make enough money to cover my ridiculous rent and my utilities and food too. I just wish people wouldn't treat those of us who need food stamps like we're some sort of grifters, taking handouts when we don't need them.

I saw this post pop up on my Twitter feed and had to come leave a comment.

My parents went through some very hard times when we were little and my dad was laid off. I remember my mom's red face as she tore off the coupons for her food stamps.

I have no idea what's happening in our country that those who are struggling the most are being crushed. The number of people who "abuse" the system is tiny in comparison to the number of people who actually use the it for what it is intended.

I could go on for pages, but I won't. I just wanted you to know that your post touched me. I hope it helps others see a face behind the yellow card.

Mandy Dawson can also be found blogging away In Mandyland ( http://inmandyland.com ).

love this!

Judy Schwartz Haley is battling breast cancer while raising her toddler daughter. She is a full time college student, as is her husband. She blogs about it all at Coffee Jitters

I think we go through these kinds of hardships so that we understand others who go through them after us, and so we can help guide them and speak out for them once we've surpassed the hurdles. Cheers to you and your family!

It wasn't about the moms, I promise. The moms in my area would have done the same thing, and wouldn't have thought twice about it. In fact, they would have probably been glad to take the burden from me. But asking for help is an extremely difficult thing when pride is all you have left. I love your kindness in this, though, and hope that someone is able to take you up on your grace.

My heart is heavy for this post. We were once in your shoes. My husband and I and our son. I graduate high school and could not find a job that would pay enough for us to put our son in daycare and my husband was working as much as he could and going to college. And we still couldn't make ends meet. We struggled until we couldn't anymore and we signed up for food stamps. We were so ashamed. We were humiliated many times in the grocery store by people who didn't understand what we were doing. Two brand new parents, one going to school to better himself and the other one just trying to keep the family together. We did it for 2 years and we did the best we could with what we had. My husband graduated college and it was the happiest day of my life, yes happier than my wedding and happier than when my kids were born because we were going to be able to provide for our family and we did it all on our own with the help of food stamps. It was the best feeling. I called our social worker and I thanker her and told her how much I appreciated all of her help. And how she had a huge helping hand in my husbands career and I would forever think about her. Now my husband is a successful air traffic controller and makes 6 figures and we live a very good life. I think about the people who are less fortunate and go out of my way to help them. I never judge the person with food stamps unless they are abusing it! And we would have never got to the place we are had it not been for Mrs Williams are social worker and the food stamps!

Roller Coaster Life ( http://hollysrollercoaster.com/ )

It really is hard. And you do what you have to for the sake of your family.

I remember psyching myself up for the face to face time with the cashier, telling myself that it didn't matter how I paid, just that the cashier was given payment. But as I'd get closer, I'd start looking through my purse for any money I might have missed just so I didn't have to pay with that card. Of course, the money wasn't there...

difficult time that must have been for you.

Please understand, though, as one of the (very) lucky SAHM's in my area, I would have LOVED for you to tell me that you couldn't do it that month. I'm more than happy to quietly fill in for you/whoever. Honestly, I know that this post wasn't about the soccer moms, per se, but I want you and others in your situation that there are people out here, like myself, that won't pass judgment on your situation. Then you'll have the money for your family, just as it was intended, and no one would be the wiser.