The Lunette Menstrual Cup Will Change Your Life

Yes, this post is about periods.  Anyone who feels they can't get over that should really just leave.  Here, read this post instead.  It involves donuts and Ted Nugent and zero blood, except maybe deer blood, because Ted Nugent is made of deer-hating dickcheese.


Ted Nugent, Deer-Hating Dickcheese


But I digress.

This post is about periods because I hate mine and I've always hated mine and now I hate it a little less because I discovered something magical.

Lunette Menstrual Cup


No, I am not being paid by Lunette--in fact, they have no idea I'm writing this.  I'm not even sure they'd be happy if they did because frankly I'm a little...how do I put this...unmarketable?  They'd probably prefer to have, like, Amy Adams as their spokesperson.  She probably doesn't swear and draw sketches of dicks, and when she talks about periods she probably does so in a gentle, soothing voice in an all-white room while referring to things as "monthly flows" and "messes" and "down there."

Whereas imma talk about how the Lunette fuckin' helps you out with all that blood and shit.

First of all, let's discuss the alternatives.


1. Pads

Why pads suck
And wrappers meant for easy disposal with 2 square millimeters of tape for a giant bundle of blood-soaked material.



2. Tampons


Why Tampons Suck


3. Ha, Joke's On You, No One Gives You A Third Option

And that is why I am here to tell you about the Lunette.


Lunette Menstrual Cup
It even comes in a pretty little bag!



Benefits of the Lunette menstrual cup:


1. Environmentally conscious.  It is one tiny piece of medical grade silicone that you can use for years.  You are not wasting insane amounts of plastic like you are when you use tampons or pads.  The factory that makes it is even environmentally friendly and the box it comes in is made of recycled material.

 

Save the Earth
Save the Earth!



2. Lower risk of TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome).  There have been NO reports of TSS from use of a menstrual cup.

3. Cleanliness.  Medical grade silicone gets CLEAN.  You can boil that shit in vinegar after you use it and you damn well know it's hygienic because you washed it, as opposed to tampons and pads, which are notorious for being unregulated in both their production and their ingredients.  It also, being non absorbent, allows your body to produce all its natural vaginal fluids.  It also allows your body to shed anything it needs to, including blood, cells, discharge and bacteria, because all the cup does is catch it--not absorb it.  Also, no string hanging out picking up bits of poop and pee and other unfavorables.

Tampons are gross


4. Cheaper.  Like, way cheaper.  I have a particularly heavy flow, so I was buying 2 Costco boxes of tampons every 3 months.  Which amounts to $10/month or $120/year.  The only regular cost for me with the cup is the few dollars I spend a year on vinegar to clean it and hydrogen peroxide to clean the sink/tub after I empty it, and the Lunette itself is only $39.99 on Amazon and that lasts for YEARS.


Lunette Menstrual Cup - Clear Model 1

If you don't like Amazon (I mean, I can understand that...they're kind of turning into a monopoly), you can get it directly through the Lunette website:

Lunette 

...or Ebay:

Lunette on Ebay

5. Subtler.  Without the string hanging out and shit, no one can tell it's in there.  If you're into oral sex--no one can tell you're on your period.  If you're wearing a bikini or going around naked--no one can see the little string hanging out.  And you don't fucking feel it.  With tampons, I don't know about you guys, but I always feel like I've got a goddamn dildo in there, and not in a fun way.

dildos yes, tampons no



6. Convenience.  While it is not quite as simple to change as a tampon, it only needs to be done every 12 hours.  Which means that I can usually do it in my own bathroom.  It also means I don't have to carry extra tampons on me.  It also means that when I'm backpacking, I don't have to pack out a ziploc full of bloody used tampons and applicators--the blood goes in a hole just like poop, and the cup goes out in me, the way it came in.

Me backpacking in Shenandoah National Park
Notice how content I look?  That is because I am in Shenandoah National Park without any bloody objects in my backpack.



7. Period sex is way better.  You don't get all dried out, which is an obvious plus, and you don't have to try to scrape a new piece of cotton into a dry vagina, so you don't get nearly as sore in there either--all making the idea of sex while on your period WAY more appealing.



The Not-So-Benefits:

1. Changing it is gross.  If you're grossed out by the look and smell of your own blood, my impulse is to tell you to suck it up and learn to deal with it because using this cup is WAY more responsible and awesome, but I do understand that for some people it's a really huge deal.  So if it's a really huge deal, this might not be for you.  If it's not, you should try it, because you really do get used to it eventually.  Besides, there's something much more natural about your blood coming out in a puddle and not tangled up in a nasty piece of cotton.

2. It takes a month or two to get the hang of it down.  The first time I used it, I almost had a panic attack when I couldn't get it back out immediately.  I also had to have a friend who has one show me how to fold it to get it in right.  Once, when I needed to get it out but it wasn't full enough to make it easy, I had to have Tyler help me, which was a little embarrassing.  But it doesn't take long to get a rhythm and a feel and once you do, oh my god, guysSo much better.



Not enough women have heard of this, and while menstrual cups have been around for decades, they've really improved them to where they're honestly like the best thing ever now.

So get out of the dark ages.  Save your leftover tampons for guests and get a Lunette for your ladyparts.  They will thank you.

ladyparts
Thank you for the menstrual cup!!!

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