Madame Butterball

First of all, everybody I met at BlogHer was stupendously swell. This rant isn't about you, even though I firmly believe the stupendously swell contingent was the majority. This rant is about the whiners.

Most of the time, at least when I'm not looking in the mirror, I consider myself a fairly intelligent, well-read, who-do-you-think-you're-kidding sort of woman. I was a feminist before most of you were born or thought of, and if I mention that I wish I still had my 'ERA NOW' t-shirts, some of you will not even know what that means, and some of you will shake your heads and think, "Damn, I had no idea she was THAT old!"

I'm not really sure what my point is going to be with this, but I think it will be something along the lines of, "You might want to wait 'till you get a few more years on you before you start ranting and raving about the appropriateness of certain things."

Yes, I am a liberated woman and have always been so. My husband knows better than to give me any kind of order because he understands what the consequences of such a thing would definitely be. (channeling Mrs. Bobbitt. . . .) My children have generally obeyed me, and I have never been shy about speaking out when I believe something needs to be changed or otherwise dealt with.

I had fun at BlogHer. There, I've said it again. Everybody already knew that, but I wanted to say it one more time before I say something else.

Not only did I have fun, but it was well worth the money. I had to really scrimp and save to get the money, too; I make $16,000 a year and scraping it up for BlogHer wasn't easy. That's how badly I wanted to go. Since I worked so hard to get up to Chicago, you can bet your asses that if I'd thought anything was just "wrong" I would speak right up and say so.

There were a few glitches, sure. Nothing drastic and all easily solved for next year. No big deals. That's life.

But as I read through the Google Alerts about the conference, I'm seeing a lot of negative feedback. A LOT.

People are upset because apparently they didn't realize Amy Sedaris was a COMEDIAN and therefore a few politically incorrect things were going to come out of her mouth. Personally, I thought she absolutely MADE that conference and I'm still laughing over her contributions to it. Buck up and show some spunk, PC people. Life is funny if you take the corncob out of your ass, relax, and actually participate in it.

The conferences were not "academic." No, they weren't. Did anyone honestly expect them to be? This was BlogHer, not the University of Whatever's Philosophy Conference.

But you know something, I think what annoys me most is all these people whining because Butterball was one of the sponsors.

Excuse me? This very large business NOTICED us and CONTRIBUTED MONEY to us and gave us what I consider to be a really nice potholder in our booty bags? Listen, for sponsorship money and booty, I'd embrace just about any company savvy enough to embrace us! And when did it become cool to whine about a gift someone gives you?

Therefore, just so everybody knows, I think it was wonderful that Butterball helped sponsor that weekend. I appreciate it. I am thankful they did. What's wrong with some of you people; are you upset because they're named "Butterball?"

Personally, I buy a Butterball turkey every Thanksgiving because they are the best at what they do. Now that I know they are interested in BlogHer, I plan to seek out their other products at the grocery store and buy them, too. I was already a seasonal Butterball customer; their sponsorship of BlogHer has made me a full-time Butterball customer.

Besides which, years ago, we went to the IU opera house to see "Madame Butterfly." The soprano playing the female lead was so fat, the floor shook when she walked. And when she sang about being tiny and dainty and little, it was all I could do not to burst out laughing, knee-slappin' and all. When we speak of that experience now, we call her "Madame Butterball." I have a hard time separating that experience from the turkey experience. It makes our entire family remember, and laugh. We rehash it every Thanksgiving as we look at that gigantic Butterball turkey on the table.

I've got three of those Butterball potholders hanging by my stove as I type. One from my bag, two pulled out of the trash.

Yes, the trash. What's WRONG with some of you people anyway? Were you really raised to be unappreciative? Does your mother know you're so full of ingratitude?

But thanks for the extra booty. I think you're fools not to fully appreciate it all.

I didn't meet anyone who seemed to be of this attitudinal persuasion; everyone I met was friendly and warm and cool (both at once!) and happy to be there and appreciative of the swag and just generally having a good time and intending to make the most of it.

Yes, my main purpose for going to BlogHer was to meet people. The conferences were icing on the cake. I enjoyed them and I learned from them.

If I wanted philosophy and higher mathematics, I'd sign up for another kind of conference. I'm smart enough to understand the difference.

I think most of you are, too. Why are so many of you complaining? I've seen some pretty vicious stuff.

BlogHer, I salute you. You were awesome. Thanks to all who put it together. I can't wait to come again next year. I hope it's another central location; that sure makes it easier for most people.

Now, if anybody wants to fight, bring it on. I'm old and big and all I have to do is knock you down and sit on you, and I've won.

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