Make the Decision to Own Your Sexy

BlogHer Original Post

The idea of sexiness typically conveys a certain image in our minds. A woman of a certain body type, often showing off lots of that body. But that leaves a lot of us out of the picture. My body doesn't look like that and even if it did, I don't think I'd dress in that way because it's simply not my style. Does that mean I'm not sexy? According to Karen, true sexiness comes from confidence. I find it hard, sometimes, to feel confidant about things that go against the grain. It takes effort to change that thought process in my mind and to have it reflect in my every day life, to have it glow from within. It takes a decision.

sexy shadow

Credit Image: Furryscaly on Flickr


Remember what Lloyd Dobler said to his sister? “Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” It may sound trite, but it's actually just really damn good advice.

The thing about sexiness –- and any other aspect of self love, really –- is that sometimes you have to just decide to decide to feel sexy and feel sexy once in a while. That decision isn't a magic charm that makes everything easy from that point on; it requires a lot of work. But that decision is the key, and without the key you cannot open the door. (Mixed metaphors keep life interesting!)

My friend Bethany shared this article on the Facebook page for This is a Woman. I don't know that the author had to struggle to make a conscious decision to choose to feel sexy or if her decision to feel sexy came to her easily, but she absolutely made that decision. Her photos reflect that sexiness isn't confined to one body type, no matter what the beauty industry would have you believe. Look at her! She's gorgeous. Totally hot. She is absolutely sexy in a physical sense, and I'm also sensing something coming from deeper within her. Confidence. Her decision to be sexy.

In other areas of my life, I've had to make this decision to change things. Sometimes it's just a good mood. Sometimes it's an anxiety attack. Sometimes it's bigger, like an aspect of my personality that's unhealthy for me and needs to be refined. Sometimes it's about my beauty. I used to try to hide the fact that I was overweight. I'd look in the mirror and pick apart all the ways the fat showed and I had this bizarre urge to not let people know I was fat. And one day it finally struck me: I was fat. And ... ? So what? I wasn't able to find a valid reason for why this made me a bad person. (And, just for the record, I am not saying being unhealthy is OK. Read this before you assume things, please.) So from then on, when I found myself looking in the mirror, afraid people might know I was fat, I reminded myself, “You are. And that's OK. You are beautiful, anyway. Fat doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't make you ugly.” And you know? I never worry about looking fat anymore. I made the decision to feel sexy, I did the work to get there, and here I am.

In her post Pam says, “Nothing ... NOTHING can make us less beautiful unless we allow it to.” Amen to that.

Now go forth and own your sexy.

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Own Your Beauty is a groundbreaking, year-long movement bringing women together to change the conversation about what beauty means. Our mission: to encourage and remind grown women that it is never too late to learn to love one's self and influence the lives of those around us - our mothers, friends, children, neighbors. We can shift our minds and hearts and change the path we follow in the pursuit of authentic beauty.

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