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There’s this debate that has been going on for ages. I’m pretty sure since the book of Genesis or so it seems. A debate in which both sides seem to think that their way is the right way. Nay the only way to do things and those on the opposing side are just lost souls who are obviously illiterate and uncaring. It’s the debate between working moms and non-working moms. Which is the RIGHT decision and therefore the only decision. Given that I am not a working mom or a mother at all, my eagerness to even remotely step lightly on this issue seems a bit like swimming in a pool full of malnourished sharks. I will most likely be eaten alive and quickly at that.
It’s always been in the back of my mind only to be brought to the light a few weeks ago while sipping wine at Susan Wagner’s kitchen table. Her children had just gone to bed and I sat there pretty much in awe for I was exhausted. This, by the way, had nothing to do with my four hours of sleep the night before, for I am young and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound on a single venti green tea. But after bearing witness to what she does day in and day out, I wanted to crawl under the table and nurse myself to sleep with that bottle of chardonnay. I really was baffled at the idea of being home with two people in constant need of attention all day long and then having to cater to their every need from sun up to sun down. It just gives me a headache. I also may or may not have declared in a mall play place that I would most definitely be having a tubal ligation in about a week. Maybe.
On the flip side, I was raised by a single mother. My father lived 15 minutes away but they both worked and my mother traveled worked the same hours and traveled just as much as I do. And please see my bedroom for an idea of what three months of travel, while only having myself to deal with, can do to one's life. The more I thought about it, the more horrified I became, because going to work every single day and traveling only to come home to needy children who wanted time and attention almost drove me to tears, because that scenario is as unfathomable as the previous one.
I’m the first to admit that after a very long and often atrocious day at work, I would often have to go baby-sit to compensate for the money that I was not getting from my real job. And I would get to my destination irritable and tired and this is why most parents I have baby-sat for think I have a “no bull shit” policy. Not because I’m strong and able to keep children in line with a single glare, but because after 6 PM my bullshit threshold is at absolute bottom. Seriously just thinking of it now all the evenings my mother would come home at 6:30 PM and be exhausted and we’d be all in her face and demanding makes me ill. I want to hug her and apologize profusely and maybe encourage her to start drinking wine.
It’s obviously far too early for me to be at an impasse of not knowing how these things will go or even IF I’ll have children to worry about (that’s a lie, I am having children there’s no question in that). I can’t say which is the right way because I’ve never been in either situation, but what I can most definitely and unequivocally say is that a mother knows, from some super 6th sense after childbirth, how to just make things work. It doesn’t matter whether she stays home or she doesn’t. She makes the best decision for her family and for her own well being to make things work. So kudos to any women on either side of the fence because if you haven’t heard it yet, you’re most likely doing one hell of a job. A job that at this point in my life seems overwhelming and scary but I feel as if those instincts will kick in and I too, will make it work.
