Making Plans - With or Without Him

As I’m planning out my life, I want to make sure my boyfriend is included in those plans, but I also don’t want to make any assumptions.  Every time I’ve started to assume things, reality smacks me in my face.

I want him to be a part of my future, but I don’t want to assume he will be a part of my future.  On the flip side, I don’t want to assume that he won’t be a part of my future either.  I’m in a lose/lose situation—when I don’t include him in my future plans, I hurt his feelings; but when I automatically do include him in my plans, I risk getting my feelings hurt. 
 
How long do you have to be dating before you can start automatically including the other person in future life plans?
 
I have a friend of mine who was dating a guy for ten years.  They were extremely happy (at least, it seemed that way) and they had been talking about marriage and babies together.  Well, one day, the guy just up and left my friend…left without a word, without a reason, without a sorry.  He left her wondering what she did wrong.  The truth is she didn’t do anything wrong, but that’s not how she felt.  She was comfortable in that relationship and he ended up blind-siding her.
 
Now, the moral of the story is not Never make assumptions in a relationship.  But I bet that is what she will take away from that relationship.  The moral actually is Always keep a sense of who you are in a relationship, so you’re never left feeling incomplete without the other person in your life. 
 
So then maybe it’s not about when you can start including a person in your plans but what plans you are including them on and making sure you both want the same thing...then I guess you won’t have to assume anything anymore…you would just know.

 

-Brooke Alexandria

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