When Do You Say Something About How Another Mom Treats Her Kids in Public?

We must all step up and be the protectors of our children. This behavior is unacceptable and should never be tolerated. The authorities should have been called or you could have taken it to the next level. If nothing else, the child needs to be told and made to understand that this sort of abuse is not normal and should never be tolerated.

This is something I have always felt very strongly about since my entire childhood was filled with so much abuse, verbal, physical and sexual.

NO child should be the brunt of anyone's backlashes like you described. The sooner we all understand this and take a stand the sooner our children will be in safer environments.

I applaud you for stepping up but let's all step it up a notch further...without ourselves becoming abusive...it is a fine line that we should never cross but we should never walk away from the innocence of a child being abused just because of what may or may not happen.

Kimberly Peterson

Kimberly@hittheroadjackenterprises.com ( EKimberly@hittheroadjackenterprises.com )

http://hittheroadjackonawingandaprayer.blogspot.co... ( http://hittheroadjackonawingandaprayer.blogspot.co... )

I agree with other comments that say focus on how your intervention affects the child.

What can be difficult for survivors of abuse in these situations is figuring out 'What will help this child?', versus 'What will stem this emotional response I'm having because of what happened to ME?' It can trigger you to have a fight or flight response.

Seldom does telling an angry person what they are doing wrong help them to learn anything or change their behavior. Also, you are judging her anger level and the danger level to the child on very limited information.

Also, let's not forget that you don't know what happened before you arrived. Do I think hitting kids is okay? No. Do I think it's okay to embarrass and further upset an angry parent in the midst of a freak out? Also no.

Your heart is in the right place, but I'm not sure how helpful such an intervention is for the child. It doesn't matter that you feel better if his situation doesn't improve.

Atena blogs Early Childhood issues at 'And How are the Children?' ( http://howarethechildren.wordpress.com )

Musings from Me
http://www.musingsfromme.com
Twice I have pulled alongside a situation where two drivers were arguing. In both cases one driver was the aggressor. In one case, a guy was yelling at a woman. I stopped my car to ask her if she was OK. I told her I will call the police if you want. She said she was OK. Thank goodness for my cell phone.

I do wish I had gone a step further and contacted some type of authority. I've never witnessed something so blatantly abusive in public and all I could think of was to make it stop by redirecting her attention.

These situations spring up and it's not easy to "plan" your reaction.

I did not threaten her or insult her. I simply voiced my concern.

I appreciate those of you who helped to warn me as to what may have happened after the fact. While I hope that was not the case, I know I will be more aware of that should there be a next time.

I knew there would be a multitude of opinions on this, and I welcome them.

Just remember, that until you are there seeing what I saw with only seconds to react, you can't really be sure how you would react or what you would do. I had no cell phone and there were no zoo workers in sight.

I've been the recipient of abusive behavior when no one spoke up for me, and it made me feel that I deserved it and that everyone must agree b/c they said nothing.

I finally realized they were just too scared themselves. I want that boy to know I don't agree, and that he doesn't deserve it so I spoke up.

I hope this article and the discussion that follows helps people make a clearer plan of what they would do should something like this confront them.

Janna - Can also be found at The Adventure of Motherhood ( http://theadventureofmotherhood.blogspot.com ).

What saddens me about this story is the fact that a crowd of people were doing nothing. I wonder about the zoo staff. Do they not have security they can call? I am passionate about abuse and thankfully have not seen it in person done to a child. I do wonder if I would have the guts you did. Proud of you lady.

Harms Family News ( http://tharmsfamily.blogspot.com )

I think you're right about this. It's never ok to hit a child, but by putting yourself in the situation, potentially angering the adult further, you are putting that child at even more risk at a later time. Call security or the police, but don't put yourself in the situation.

Even if a parent does cross the line into abusive, confronting them and escalating the conflict is helpful how, again? Because somewhere I missed the part where poking the bear and walking away was protecting the child.
If you truly felt/believed that the situation was such that intervention was needed, why not call the authorities? Someone who could ACTUALLY help, instead of potentially worsening the situation.

If your aim is to actually help the child, I would not confront the parent unless you have first called the police. Otherwise you are setting the child up for more abuse when the parent and child get home. That parent will take their shame, anger and frustration with you out on their child.

Meg
www.raisingbipolar.com ( http://www.raisingbipolar.com )

Thanks for the comments ladies. I'm glad to hear you would speak up.

My prayer is that it will embolden others to speak up for those being mistreated, and for those who mistreat others to wake up to their need for change.

Abuse is a vicious cycle. One that someone has to be loving enough to break. If a person has been abused it may be a reason why they are abusive but it is not an excuse.

Love someone enough to tell them their behavior is not okay, and if you are able love them enough to cheer them on as they seek to change.

Janna - Can also be found at The Adventure of Motherhood ( http://theadventureofmotherhood.blogspot.com ).

I have been on many sides of this. I have a special needs child and have had my less than stellar parenting moments in public, though nothing like that.

I have stepped in when I saw a mother smack her infant across the face in a grocery store, and I am not talking a tap, a FULL slap. She went off on me too.

And for the most compelling side that may change the way you handle something like this; I was abused. Brutally by my mother for most of my life. There were very few times that someone called her out in the manner that you did here. She did not learn a lesson, or feel badly. She beat the ever loving crap out of me when we got home, even more angry and embarrassed that *I* caused that to happen.

If you feel compelled to act, call the police, or get park security. So that who ever responds has the authority to ACT on her behavior.

Janna - sadly I have been in too many situations and because my mouth engages before my brain I have actually been injured because of my involvement.

The first time was a situation very similar to yours - an angry parent, a crowded shopping mall, a cowering child and my unharnessed anger. I stood between the father and the child and dared him to hit me the way he was hitting his child. He stopped. I think he was stunned. He tried to make excuses and said to mind my own business and like you, I claim it to be my business when he did it in public. My fear, to this day, is that he went home and beat the holy "you know what" out of that boy. I'm still sad thinking of that.

The second time was when I saw a man abusing a small animal. Oh - that was equally ugly and the human became verbally abusive.

The LAST time, 3 years ago I got in the middle of a domestic dispute and ended up being physically assaulted by a man 3 times my size. I can't remember ever feeling so scared.

My new motto...I will mind my business if it is adult:adult. If children are or animals are involved I will immediately call authorities. I will no longer confront the abuser...when they are in that state, it is very dangerous for everyone.

Be careful out there -- I learned the hard way.

Lori

I also have not been in this situation, but I think I would have acted the same way you did. I think that is heartbreaking the way that mom treated her son. I feel so bad for that child. I'm glad you spoke up!

I had never been in a situation like that, but I would probably call the authorities on her. I'm all for discipline but abuse is a big NO NO
God help this child!
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