Do I Come Off Like A Husband-Stealer?
By Mouthy Housewives on October 07, 2011
Life is complicated. Thank goodness there are experts to help us untangle some of the vexing issues that, well, vex us on a daily basis. The Mouthy Housewives are here to help, three times a week. Today, the Housewives answer an exclusive BlogHerMoms question!
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I'm in a playgroup of five moms and we frequently get together for birthday parties, BBQs, etc. I really like all of these women, however, I find myself going over to talk with the men more and more often at these functions. (The men and women usually divide into two groups.) I often enjoy talking to the dads more because they're funny and they discuss sports and movies, not potty training and sleep habits which I get more than enough of.
My husband doesn't care, but some of the women have started joking that I'm "after" their husbands. Should I just stay in the kitchen with the women and not make waves?
I'm Just Talking
Dear I'm Just Talking,
I love this question because it hits really close to home. I, too, was always the one woman who ventured out of the kitchen and over to the "man area" at kid parties. Why? Because I couldn't take one more second of hearing about baby Ethan's f&#@ing pincer grasp. I'd much rather sit next to his dad and learn about outboard motors and how to perfect your golf swing when wasted on cheap tequila. That's interesting.
Fortunately, nobody ever accused me of going after their husband, mostly because they were all too exhausted to care, but also because I treated the men like they were my friends and nothing more. There was no giggling, hair flipping or lip licking involved. I mean, I didn't even have the energy to flirt with my own husband when my kids were little. (Unless screaming, "My boobs are so swollen that I look like the Hindenburg—wanna see!?" is considered sexy.)
Let's assume that you're not being flirty and that you're just talking to the men. I don't see the problem. But now let's assume that you are being flirty and that's what the women have noticed. It's only natural that they wouldn't like it, even if they implicitly trust you and their husband. Think of how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. I don't even like it when the waitress at Chili's winks at my husband, even though I know he'd (probably) never leave me for a 60-year-old woman with a glass eye.
My advice to you is to just keep on doing what you're doing, but maybe be aware of how you're coming across. Another thought is to try to bring up non-kid topics with the women. I know that's a challenge with baby-obsessed new moms, but it's at least worth a shot. Chances are they won't have any awesome golf and tequila stories, but I bet they might have something even better.
Maybe it'll even good enough to get everyone in the same room. Hey, there's a thought!