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Whenever I speak about manners, I feel old. I feel as though I should be clutching my pearls and wearing
my grandmother's clothing. The fact is that we all live in rather close
proximity to each other, and social mores and rules are our way of
making that experience bearable and even pleasant. This week, I watched
a documentary on the CBC called, "Rude: Where are our Manners" (you can watch it online by clicking the link). It really got me thinking.
Valerie Pringle hosts the documentary that interviews people like Judith Martin
(Miss Manners), Lynne Truss, and Dr. P. M. Forni. It is a really
thoughtful (if broad) look at manners and civility in contemporary
western society.
The documentary rightly points out that the family dinner table is where
most people begin to learn their manners, "where you learn the
essentials of talking and eating together". I have to agree. Since we
started having more formal family dinners, Peanut's vocabulary has
expanded, manners included. Peanut already says "please" and "thank
you", even "you're welcome" most of the time. She is learning to say
"excuse me" and even used it accurately for the first time without
prompting this morning. I did not expect how I would feel hearing her
use these lovely phrases. I've had people say "please" and "thank you" to me before (thankfully most
people still have some courtesy left). But, when you hear your daughter
say, "Thank you Mommy" after eating the meal you lovingly prepared, it takes the experience to a whole new level. The documentary also goes on to highlight the importance of teaching
manners and civility. The fact is though, in my opinion, that the
family has changed. It's true, as they point out, that "the good old
days" never really existed. However, our society is very different
right now, so shouldn't we adapt the way we teach? I don't think we can
leave it solely up to parents to teach the basics of being a
responsible citizen and a civil person. I think that schools and
teachers have a role to play as well.
Miss Manners (Judith Martin) points out, rightly, that children need to know how to behave before
they attend school. She accurately notes that one can not hope to teach
a class that does not already have a foundation of manners in place.
The problem is that, for many teachers, that's exactly what they're
doing. All you have to do is to step in to a classroom (preferably of a
required and much hated high school course). I guarantee you that most
of the students do not want to be there. The problem is that teachers
are often disciplining instead of teaching. But what about preschool?
What about adding compulsory weekly lessons? What about changing the
structure and nature of the lunch hour? There are many ways to
accomplish the task if we all feel
that it is necessary. I think we're doing children a disservice by not
teaching them how to conduct themselves in social and workplace
settings.
To keep reading and for additional links, please visit the original post on Michelle's Blog.
"The only rule is to treat other people with consideration", says Valerie
Pringle at the end of the doc. It's one that we would all do well to
follow.
Are manners important in your family? What are you doing
to teach your little one the social mores that s/he has to follow?
Please let me know! Thank you.
