Society Can Make it so Difficult... does not do enough to Help High Profile People who have F**Ked Up

Truths from the Chaos     

My brother and I used to sit at the top of the stair case and listen ~~~~~~~.  I was in the first or second grade, and he was one year older than me. We sat motionless and stared to the bottom of the stair case as our elbows rested hard on our knees, cheeks in our little hands.

“What should we do?”

“I don’t know. Should I go in?”

“I don’t know.”

We never entered my parent's room as long as we lived in that house.

To my knowledge my brother never laid a hand on his wife of twenty plus years, and as for me, I received one punch and one punch only from a former boyfriend in college. By no means do I believe our heart and soul escaped unscathed from the memories of our experience.  







We will always know what it felt like to sit on the top step. We will always know what it is like to walk in those shoes.

When I saw the pictures of Rhianna’s bruised and battered face it brought back memories. I wonder what kind of past life experience, trauma, dysfunction, hurt or pain was behind Chris Brown's rage as a familiar surge of angst took over my chest, and my breathing felt forced. When I hear a woman has been punched, slapped or kicked by a man I often wonder what thoughts go through his mind.

Last March after a brief performance and interview, Chris Brown went into a rage off stage, shattered a window, supposedly with a chair, and left ABC's studio without his shirt. Reports claim that Chris Brown pre-approved the questions before the interview. I believe this to be true. He knew the drill. He is a celebrity, and that means he is considered a public figure.

With so many high profile F-ups these days, I often wonder how much time a person will spend checking out their back side (Kardashians and J- Low excluded.) prior to an interview, performance….oh hell, just a walk out the front door. Their concern always appears to be about hair, make-up and dress versus the backside. I mean let’s face it. Many of these interviews should all start with the public figure bent over.

Yes, I believe that Chris Brown pre-approved the questions before the interview.  I also believe he experienced a range of emotions prior to his performance and interview.  I would also bet some big bucks that he hoped he would do just fine in the interview as he heard questions about his 2009 arrest, referred to as the savage beating of Rihanna and then about the restraining order that resulted from the incident.

Alas, what we hope to do and pray so hard to God to do when we know we are going to be faced with the reality of the past, so many tend to fall short in a big way. I don’t think people understand when the snow globe of our past is carelessly- RECKLESSLY - shaken in front of our faces that it is not uncommon for our brain to default to an odd feeling of familiarity that in turn triggers an internal body sensation. And when this happens…well….life can become unpredictable. In Chris Brown’s case, he went into a rage and stormed off stage…etc. Then as a society we rarely miss an opportunity to exercise our God given right, to throw our stones and cast judgment on the celebrity F_ _K-up of the moment.

So right now-as I write this blog - I find myself at a fork in the road. Do I write to plant seeds of thought about what kind of rehabilitation treatment Chris Brown has had or not? Do I wonder out loud if he had sought help for the rage and anger he demonstrated that night three years ago when his life forever changed as did Rhianna’s? Do I write about pain, trauma, domestic violence, post traumatic stress and shock, or rage and the effects on our body when we fail to seek help, or do I write about my concerns that society does not make it easy or do enough to help high profile people who have F_ _Ked up, because that’s all many of us see, isn’t it? That is until the person is found dead regardless of their exit from this life.

I want to go with the latter, but first let me be clear. I do not claim to excuse or advocate violence. I never will. My thoughts and opinions are….inspired….driven by “the many shoes I have walked in. These shoes encourage me to consider and to learn from all the pieces of the puzzle that make up our life. 

I am concerned that, as a society, many of us act like big bullies and Sweet Jesus help us all when society bands together! During and after The Grammys many of us rose to the occasion again – did not disappoint - and exercised our God given right to throw our stones and cast judgment on Chris Brown. During Chris Brown’s performance one of my face book friends updated her post:

“Chris Brown is awesome”

Within three minutes, a reply followed;

“Chris brown is a abuser”

And that was that, no more replies followed as five hundred friends had been silenced.

Yes, I am concerned that, as a society, we come off like a COLOSSAL bully when we band together. Bullying is not limited to our children’s playgrounds, sand boxes or cyberspace. This behavior exists within our family system…our relationships and our work environment. Our brain is wired to register all of our feelings and emotions from our experiences and more often than not determine how we receive new ones. What happens when our - school - work - home - job or relationship begin to replicate our past environments and emotions? I believe this is when life happens, and yes, each day we live and breathe we simply add to our foundation.

In light of the past forty eight hours, I’d like to make a request. If we are going to continue to vomit our opinions, thoughts and commentary through every available conduit of communication when a high-profile person F_ _ Ks UP can we at least rally together to set up some guidelines for these poor souls; Chris Brown, Coach Joe Paterno, Senator Trent Lott, Mel Gibson, Captain Owen Honors, Tiger Woods, Senator Anthony Weiner, etc., And should we add Paula Deen to this list? Certainly there is NOOOOOOOO comparison between her O.F.F.E.N.S.E. and Chris Brown’s, but do I really need to be updated when this woman eats a hamburger?

I make this request, because I just can’t help, and wonder if Chris Brown thought enough time had passed, so it was OK for him to return to the stage. I would be willing to bet some big bucks if he could have referred to guidelines somewhere he would have known it was not time to make an appearance at The Grammys, and he could have declined the invitation. There again, if we develop guidelines and post or upload a guideline document to Twitter, Face book, now Pinterest, too, etc., etc., etc., then Grammy executive producer Ken Ehrlich would have known not to extend an invitation to Chris Brown, because the court of public opinion still has Chris Brown’s BA_ _s lassoed up to a tree somewhere.

So, here, I'll start the development of these guidelines.

IF a celebrity uses his or her spouse, girlfriend, lover, partner as a punching bag THEN

• Must wait 5 years before allowed to perform, announce or present at a major awards show.

• Can attend awards show, but must not be within X feet of the stage. Maybe the person can just stay outside.

• Never, ever, ever be allowed to return to the stage for the remainder of the time the person is alive and breathing on this earth.

IF a sitting President takes liberties with an intern THEN-

• Be removed from office

• Wait X amount of years before we return to praise, pay homage and adore...hey! I think someone told Clinton he served his time. Who wrote this guideline? Can we get an answer for Chris?

IF, a senator, Tweets a picture of his wiener THEN-

• Not allowed to vote for an extended period of time

• Immediately resigns from his or her position.

IF a senator has one too many cocktails, and utters a racial slur THEN

• Not allowed to vote for an extended period of time.

• Step down from his or her position.

Yes, I consider my examples to be serious offenses even though it’s difficult to ignore the sarcasm dripping from most of my words.


I think we, as a society, send disturbing messages, because we do not do enough to help high profile people who have F_ _ED-up. I am concerned that our ability to banish these people with our bully behavior will inevitably get the job done. Force them to exit an untimely, tragic death.

Is that our goal?

Is it possible to become better human beings than many of us continue to demonstrate?



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