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                                                 Since 2005 I've been blogging on politics and parenting for The Huffington Post. I am also an award-w...
 
 
 
 

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On Maria Shriver, Arnold Schwarzenegger and True Lies

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Let me be clear: I have never met Maria Shriver. Several years ago I saw her at UCLA when one of her children’s books came out. And she looked pretty much like you’d expect: great hair, beautiful eyes, cheekbones to spare. Although we’re both glamorous journalists in Los Angeles, our paths never did cross when she was still reporting. I suspect this was partly due to her being a star on NBC, and my one news-shattering appearance on CNN. But never mind.

I always admired Shriver. Her reporting chops, her work ethic, her focus on women’s issues when she became First Lady of California. But her relationship with Arnold baffled me from the start. A Kennedy married to an action figure goon? What was up with that? Maybe it was the novelty. In the course of prodigiously researching this post, I read somewhere (TMZ?) that Shriver didn’t want to end up with one of those dull, pompous Waspy, Harvard, East Coast types she’d grown up with. Boy do I get that. But an Austrian bodybuilder on steroids?

We now know what a total sleazeball Schwarzenegger was. Who has a baby with an immigrant housekeeper and then "employs" her another 10 years in the same house as his wife and kids? And does all this while he’s a two-term governor and making jaunty appearances at his wife’s annual women’s conference? Who describes in a public statement about his sex scandal having a love child as “an event”?

I’ll tell you who: a douchebag. Some disclosure: I got a mild hint of this in 2003, when my husband was editing the LA Times’ coverage of the groping allegations against Arnold. There was nothing in it for them, but several women bravely told their stories. Of the Terminator putting his tongue down their throats or his hands in their bras--fun pranks like that!---and far worse. I never had any doubt these women were telling the truth. But then---ta da!--they got promptly trashed. They were liars! They’d been paid to sabotage Arnold’s gubernatorial quest!

I also remember Shriver standing before a group of GOP women in Orange County and staunchly defending her predator husband. “You can listen to people who have never met Arnold or who met him for five seconds 30 years ago,” she said, “or you can listen to me.”

Because women respected Shriver, they listened to her. So Arnold got elected in a landslide, and California got screwed. One thing Arnold is not is dumb. He knew Shriver’s immense political value to him.

And now Shriver is huddling with kick-ass divorce lawyer Laura Wasser.

I don’t pretend to know what goes on in anyone’s marriage. I hardly know what’s going on in mine. But why do strong, intelligent, accomplished women put up with the crap they do from men? It’s not like they don’t have options. Why did Hillary stay with Bill after he humiliated her on national television with his “I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN” rant? Why did Elizabeth Edwards not only stand by John after he cheated and lied, but then actively campaign for him for president? She finally dumped him after his love child surfaced. But is that what it takes for women to say, “Enough! I’m outta here”?

For that matter, haven’t these male geniuses heard of birth control?

As for Shriver, was she in denial all those years about Arnold’s behavior? Did she think she couldn’t leave him because of her Catholic faith, her parents? Why did she sacrifice her own remarkable career to service Arnold’s self-serving political fling? We know she was unhappy with that bargain. We also know that he wasn’t very nice to her at times. Called her fat. I want to strangle him just for that.

And now Jane Seymour claims there are two more Arnold babies.

I’m sorry for Shriver. But at least she had the guts to walk out. Mostly I’m sorry for her children. I also know she’ll bounce back. She’s smart. She’s rich. She’s got a private investigator digging into Arnold’s philandering accounts and the new baby rumors. She’s in a far better position than most women whose husbands bang the help and then run off to Brazil with James Cameron.

Even better, she’s got Oprah! Oprah supposedly wants Shriver to do a show on OWN. I hope she’ll do something meaty, as we say in journalism, something about women in transition and the awe-inspiring things they do. Maybe the show can be called “Architects of Change” in

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Mona Gable 5 pts

Good points. She likely did know, but just didn't want to deal with it. Which also baffles me since she could have left a long time ago, but chose not to. The question is, why didn't she? Hard to believe it was love. I'm hoping there'll be a book someday.

MommyPhD 5 pts

I live in California, too, and have read and heard just what you share and get incensed at precisely the same places. But I ascribe a LOT more fault to her than you do. You're probably just nicer?

If Arnold were a private citizen, I wouldn't care. If she'd moved to Australia with her kids and ignored his political ambitions, I wouldn't care. If she decided, privately, to leave him or to stay for the kids: I don't care.

But she chose, willfully and knowingly, to be part of Team Arnold on a very public stage for a very long time. She chose to wave and smile and stump and speechify in support of his getting and keeping the power he abused so terribly. Blech.

So many of her speeches were to audiences filled with women, and her public support of his political ambitions had to have helped those who wanted to slander his accusers. Maybe his accusers would have been denounced one way or the other but I really don't think so. Her vociferous denials -- I still foam at the mouth when reminded of her 'or you can believe me' comment -- surely girded loins.

She couldn't have been in denial, not totally, no way. She's smart AND she's a Kennedy. The stories shared around that family campfire came right out of the playbook. And Arnold may be savvy and he may be a wizard at business but he is not all that smart; he has barely tried to hide his reputation, and the attempts he has made were clumsy. She knew. She always knew.

Beverly Diehl 5 pts

... in any relationship. And from the outside, a lot of them look like total crap to me, and I don't "get" why anyone would be with such a sleaze.

And yet, last year I myself left a years-long relationship with a man who is mentally ill, who was emotionally, verbally, and on rare occasion, physically abusive. I told myself I was "helping him," that he could not be wholly responsible because he was mentally ill, blah blah, woof woof. Nobody who knew me, before or since, would have believed I would have ever been in such a relationship - yet there I was.

(Still shaking my head about that.) Blogging about the recovery process and this particular mental illness, at OCPD - Scattered Thoughts from the Front Lines ( http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com )

jwarrender 5 pts

Arnie was well known as a dawg before they married. Someone as smart and accomplished as Shriver knows that isn't going to change. She's a Kennedy! She probably started learning how to turn a deliberate blind eye at birth.

Honestly? I'm prepared to accept that they had an "arrangement". But I'll bet part of the deal was to be discreet and, FFS, don't knock anybody up!

Julia

www.lifewithaparasite.blogspot.com ( http://www.lifewithaparasite.blogspot.com )

ashleighburroughs 5 pts

When admirable women make inexplicable choices it rocks my foundation, too. I'm glad she's outta there.... everyone has a breaking point. I'm furious that I bought his excuses, too. May I have my vote back, please?

a/b from The Burrow at http://ashleighburroughs.blogspot.com

HomeRearedChef 8 pts

..on telling it like it is! My mother is twice divorced because of philandering husbands. But in this day-and-age, it is very mind-boggling trying to understand just why we DO put up with their cheating for so long?

I think that having children makes the leaving that much harder. I know this because your article here has hit "home." A sad event we are now facing.

So I say good for Maria, and good for my daughter!

~Virginia