What is marriage mean to you?
Is it a means to get bills paid, health benefits, guiltless sex?
Is it a union between two people who love eachother?
To me it's a partnership. It's working together. It's supporting one another.
How is it that one spouse can be so hurtful right when you least expect it? I'm saying this could be the wife or the husband who acts this way. I do have to say, in our house we use to have this rule "There should be absolutely NO reason why we do not end up in the same bed together at night". Basically meaning that no one should sleep on the couch. Sharing a bed together to me shows that you start your day and end you day TOGETHER. It's where your partnership begins everyday!
However, I have broke this rule. Last night, my husband broke this rule. Where did this rule go??? I'm on the couch.
We have our reasons, not to say they are rightful reasons for breaking some rule that was really, and is still really, important to me. However, I can't make him sleep in bed and I can't sleep there tonight.
I have given myself a "Why" lie. My reason is that our baby, who turned a month old today, still has his nights and days mixed up and I hate that he wakes up my husband in the middle of the night. It's a lie, but it's one that I'm telling myself to get me through breaking the rule.
To me though, marriage is a partnership. One that means you both are equal. You both help with the house chores, i.e. the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc...
Somewhere down the line, in my house my job list became A LOT longer than my husbands and it's all my fault. I chose to have the mentality of "I can do it all and be the perfect wife and do everything and not make him lift a finger". STUPID. Now I have gotten myself to this point of having a newborn, a 2 year old, and a 7 year old. I'm sleep deprived, feeling worth less than normal because I can't go back to work until April 8th, constantly cleaning and doing all the laundry and at the end of the day when my husband comes home he wonders why I have not fixed dinner.
It gives me the feeling of complete and total "!@!#$!@$!$!$#$&%^&$%@%!!!!!!!!!"
I realized this on sunday morning. My husband's weekend is Sunday's and Monday's. I woke up after about 3.45342345 hours of sleep and came into the living room and handed him our baby Drew. I said I really needed a shower because I wasn't able to take one yesterday. He took him and I showered. He complained about having to fix the older kids breakfast ( I usually do this every Sunday). After I showered baby Drew was sleeping in his swing so I went to make myself breakfast. Baby Drew decided he wanted to wake up and be a little fussy. I made him a bottle and asked my husband if he could feed him. His response was a sarcastic "Oh that's fine, I fed them so why not feed him too. No, you go eat, by all means! Eat!" I calmly picked up our son and went to the bedroom to feed him. Right behind me followed my husband who took him back and snatched the bottle from my hand.
I left the house. Not the best or most mature move, however, it was better than saying something sarcastic to make the situation worse. He did that instead.
So I decided I needed to make some changes. BIG changes. He thinks that I do not do anything all day now that I am on maturnity leave. (The spotless house and well cared for children obviously are not being noticed) So I am debating to go on strike. However, we can't let him care for the children because he has quite clearly made the point that it is NOT his job.
My point is this:
Husbands/Wives - Be partners!! Don't try to be the "I-can-do-it-all" spouse. It'll kick you in the butt later on and it'll do it when you really need the help but your other spouse has been spoiled for too long and will refuse to help or will help with a horrid attitude.
Tomorrow we will be having a "lovely" discussion about what marriage REALLY is and why we see it so differently.
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