Marriage Help and Encouragement

It's extremely cold right now where I live. Much colder than average and it will be weeks before we even get close to the precious little warmth that average would give.

Apparently lots of people are needing marriage help these days to overcome their own chills.

I keep hearing from friends who are struggling and I'm reading on message forums about people who are miserable in marriage and needing help.

Is it just me or do marriages seem to be getting worse? You'd think that with centuries of being married and watching our parents in their marriage that we'd have it down to a science at this point. But no. The divorce number just keeps rising. No, not the actual divorce number, it seems to have leveled off but that's because people have divorced marriage. A lower percentage of people are getting married with men especially not liking the idea much. Many do, of course, but we're talking about percentages and generalities.

My simple theory is this: Humans are more selfish and people don't want to marry someone selfish. So that really hurts the odds, don't ya think?

I can't ever remember my parents needing marriage help. They just seemed to know how to do it. They sacrificed for each other. They both worked harder than anyone I know and somehow, most of the time, seemed to have a pleasant attitude toward each other and us kids. And we were annoying kids now that I look back on it!

But they weren't brought up with the narcissistic worldview that so many teens and twenty somethings have now. My mom couldn't have sat in the living room at twenty one while their mother and grandmother washed the dishes. And neither of my parents would have expected the world to bend to their whims in the way that so many people expect these days.

And that part of society has snuck into the lives of us all. And into our marriages. We look at our spouse as more of a service provider. He's got to earn a good check, help around the house, not watch too much football, run errands for me. Ladies, really. I see too many of us with attitudes like that.

We've forgotten the golden rule that tells us to first treat others how we want to be treated. We seem to have our own rule that goes something like: "You treat me how I want you to treat me and then I might treat you how I think you want to be treated."

So I think that the best marriage help is summed up in a negative statement. Stop being selfish!

Bundle up with the one you are married to and put that person's needs on the same level as yours. That's a start. But you'll find that if you actually put the other person's needs above yours that your needs will be met on an even greater scale. It's strange but that how it works.

So those are my thoughts to my friends and the large number of folks I've seen posting on the Internet who need marriage help. I guess I had to be a little cruel to be kind, but I wanted to help.

MadamJ is a pen name for a woman who studies marriage relationships. For those of you who need serious marriage help she recomends

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