Marriage- Year 1 in Review
By: Wendy Castellanos-Wolf
And as if nothing, everything has happened. One instant following the next. A collection of moments, memories made and already forgotten. The months, 12 of them have fallen off the calendar that marks the days of our first year of marriage. The emphatic “congratulations!” that accompanied our first couple of months are long turned into faded whispers. The questions on how marriage has or hasn’t changed our relationship have all been answered, and much to everyone’s disappointment, the answer was always boring and uninformative. And in these last couple of months as we approach our anniversary, the very first as husband and wife, the topic of starting a family has been on constant play back like a pop song one cannot avoid.
Year one has been both exciting and boring, easy and frustrating, memorable and just another year together. It is balancing between these two extremes that we have found out who we are as a married couple, our relationship’s identity shifting and taking on a new shape with every experience.
- It has taken me an entire year to get used to the fact that I have a new last name. I hyphenated and sometimes it feels so long, even just saying it, that I leave the last part out. I haven’t even finished updating my new name on all of my official documents. Oops…
- I am somebody’s wife. The term wife always makes me feel like such a grown up. It took me about 6 months to get comfortable with talking about S and referring to him as my husband. Even as a woman in her thirties, I am still really immature, especially when it comes to all things officially “grown up.”
- My perspective has changed when it comes to arguments. I just don’t need to have them. The definitiveness of our marriage has made it that I do not want to expend energy on an argument unless the cause is just as important to me as my relationship. Not many things are, so we argue a lot less.
- Learning that being married does not mean that we have to do everything together. Being two independent people with separate lives and the mutual support to pursue our own dreams just makes us stronger as a couple.
- Coming to the realization that we are now a family and that I will be the matriarch of our little family comprised of relatives and friends on the West Coast. The concept of family has taken on a new kind of importance and for me that was never the case before.
- Marriage is definitely not 50/50. Sometimes he pays for more things and sometimes I clean up more things. Sometimes I do the food shopping but he does all the cooking. Our family economy is such that we each contribute something to the table, but hardly is it ever equal nor do we care if it is.
But enough about me. Anyone else have any first year wedding anniversary advice, confessions and/or take aways?