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Divorce rates are down, but don't let that fool you. We still have the highest divorce rate, as well as the highest rate of single parenting. The statistics may tell you that divorce is finally in the minority, but it only takes a few words inserted into google to learn that marriage is still just as hard, but society is beginning to find the loophole: living together.[http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-07-18-cohabit-divorce_x.htm]
Marriage isn't scary for those who have the pretty fairytale outlook. Fifty years doesn't seem that long when you're in love and think this is the next move you're supposed to make. You've been best friends for awhile, you know everything about each other, you're happy with your relationship, so it makes sense after a year or so of dating, or maybe even a few, to tie the knot.
Perhaps it is the friends I've chosen, but I can't help but notice that at the ripe age of 22, almost all of my friends are married, having children--and divorcing. They all married before they could legally drink, and said I do's. Then came the merging of the things--and reality.
Suddenly, their spouses are wondering: "why can't I go out with my friend of the opposite sex?" "why won't you let me go out with the guys for a few beers?" "since when do I have a curfew?"
Does no one consider what marriage even entails anymore? It is not the dress, or the vows, or the "roommate." You don't get married so you can afford to move out of your parents house, you don't say I do, and then call up friends of the opposite sex for dinner and events that don't include your spouse, and you don't have trust issue. (Why you would marry someone you don't trust prior to the marriage is beyond me..)
And yet, it happens. Our husbands are invited to events that we are not included in. Our wives call up old flames or guyfriends for dinner at drinks, still out at 10:30pm instead of being home with thier husbands. And when confronted, they ask "what's wrong? I'm not doing anything." and "What? I have a curfew now?"
What happened to love, devotion, and that wonderful thing called responsibility? As a husband or wife, it is your responsibility to support your spouse-- financially, emotionally, professionally, and more. You work to get food on the table and pay bills; you are there for them emotionally, loving them, being there for them, supporting them through troubled times; you are there for them when they lose a job, get promoted, or have to move across the country because of a change of venue or position. The wedding may be nice, but the marriage is work, it's a commitment, it's a sacred vow.
You're a team when you get married. You need to consider your spouse in all of your decision making. You are no longer living for you, you're living for each other and need to consider things together. You live for that person-- when it's real. Unfortunately, half a married couples still divorce. That rate goes up 35% when you marry under 25-years-old.
No one can predict the fate of a marriage--at any age. But, it's smart to look into it, talk to friends who have been married or living together, and see what they have to do to stay above water. Especially since the seven year itch has been dropped to two years -- And the first year of marriage is the transition, the challenge, the test-- it's even more critical to know what you're signing up for, read the contract and read between the lines, before signing that piece of paper that says you're with someone for life.
Marriage is a commitment of love, and to some, spirituality. Sure, you need to know what you're getting into and maturely consider the idea of it before commitment. But what if you've made that commitment, didn't really know what you were getting into, and now find yourself... trapped?
One of my friends is married, her husband is all about the on-line dating sites, the paid porn sites, the late nights with other females. She is a second thought to him, a back burner wife--- and really, not a wife at all. She's 23 this month, and alone in this marriage. Her husband doesn't support her or consider her-- let alone respect her. But she stays with him, only 2 1/2 months into her marriage with him.
The answer is simple for this friend. Divorce. Annullment. Something that makes this
