Mashed Velveeta and Pot Roast
By Jane Byers Goodwin on October 05, 2012
Remember that anecdote about the young bride whose husband asked her why she cut the beef roast in half before she put it in the pan?
She told him she did it that way because her mother always did it that way.
So the young husband asked his mother-in-law why she had always cut the beef roast in half before she put it in the pan. Her reply? She did it that way because HER mother had always done it that way.
At the next family dinner, the husband asked his wife's grandmother why she had always cut the beef roast in half before putting it in the pan. Her reply? Because her mother had always done it that way.
His wife's great-grandmother was still alive, so he went to the nursing home and asked her why she had always cut the beef roast in half before putting it in the pan. Her reply?
"I only had the one small pan, and the only way a roast would fit in it was if it was first cut into two pieces."
When my children visit, I often think of this story. I don't know if it's true or not, but it might as well be, because so many of the things we do make no sense except in the context of the past.
First of all, both of my children love grilled cheese sandwiches. I mean, who doesn't?
Secondly, neither of my children will touch a grilled cheese sandwich unless it was made with Velveeta. .
Thirdly, and most importantly, I can grant these wishes because A. I won't eat a grilled cheese sandwich unless it was made with Velveeta, either, and B. Velveeta is a name brand food I can actually AFFORD!
I mean, seriously, a grilled cheese sandwich NOT made with Velveeta? What the heck?
When my son comes down for a visit, he often requests grilled cheese sandwiches. Now, when he was a little boy, the only way he could eat a grilled cheese sandwich was if I mashed it down flat with the spatula after the Velveeta had melted. THEN his little mouth could close around it, and he could eat the sandwich "like a man."
He is all grown up now, but he still wants his grilled cheese flattened with the spatula. Why? Because that's how his mother always made them.
If he ever decides to get married, I can't wait to hear his wife's reaction when he asks her to mash a perfectly good sandwich flat. Will she question it, or just do it?
Sometimes, family traditions have serious beginnings and funny middles. As for the endings, there aren't any, not really.
"Don't be content with being average. Average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top."
Jane blogs as "Mamacita" at Scheiss Weekly, hitting the fan like nobody can.