The World Ends in 2012 -- When I Lose My Dream Job of Mom
In 1980, I became a Mom. What I didn't know then is that 2012, according to Mayan calendar, is the year of "the end of the world." December 21st, to be exact. Despite theories to the contrary, I know they got the year right. they were just off by about 6 months.
You see, no matter what the scientists, the alarmists, the globalists, the economists or theologists say about probabilities and likelihoods of cosmic mass destruction, I know that the world, as I know it, will end in June. My baby girl graduates from high school on June 4th, 2012.
In addition to being part of the cell-phone revolution/evolution and the development of technologies that, whether or not you realize it now, changed the way the world communicates (for better, for worse I often wonder), I've been a mom for 32 years. As a Mom, I've seen 3 of the world's most perfect human beings learn to crawl, then stand, then walk, then run... and to get up and do it all again every time they fell down. I've helped them up when they needed and watched in utter amazement, yet without much surprise, when they rose on their own. Without me.
Recently -- say, for the past 4 years or so -- I've lived in dread that now, I will be the one needing to learn. Ever since the specter of the Empty Nest arose, along with that jolt of realization that I, once again, need to start over, days seem to have compressed at an unbelievable rate. Just as the Mayan's predicted.
I've been a mom for 32 years. In the coming year, the last identifying feature of a "Mom" will fade away... my youngest will leave my nest. I will become a 100% full-blown "Parent of Adult Children." Yes, being a grandma will still remain and that role will grow. And yes, my children will always see me as "Mom." But we all know the truth: Everything "MOM" will end.
The truth is that I will still go to work every day. (Ok, I work from home most of the time and my commute is 2 flights of 6 stairs each...) I will still spend 12-14 hour days providing services to my clients to benefit my family (great scholarships don't cover everything!). But when I read my paper over coffee in the morning, she won't be there being her "I'm allergic to mornings" self. When I come home -- down the stairs again -- she will not bound in the door with a hug and a smile and "Love You!" as she heads off again. So I will go on being a worker every day for her, for my husband... but without the benefits of being a Mom every day. Don't get me started on Friday nights and weekends!
What is it with these people who find a constant need to remind me that "this will be the best time" of my life? That I will get to "finally do whatever" I want to do. Did it never occur to them that what I wanted, what I always wanted, was to be a Mom?
Now, I know you will want to send your advice on how to make the transition. Everyone does, believe me. Right now, I need to find a way to simultaneously celebrate her accomplishments, a job well-done (she really is a great kid and I know I had some influence on that fact) and grieve the loss of my dream job. So, let me grieve and then, I promise, really I do, that I'll pick myself up and start running.
For now, though, I feel like I'm learning to crawl again. See, I'm old enough to have first learned to crawl about 52 years ago. Young enough to feel that it was just yesterday.
It's gonna be alright.
Photo Credit: willia4.
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