Me, Interrupted.

This past weekend was super fun.

I spent most of Saturday with my almost 13 yr old daughter doing girly things.  We had take out hot chocolate & coffee, got hair cuts and drove 50km's to check out a store she's been dying to get to. As an aside - the store in no way evoked any desire to be '21' again. 

What the boys had.

The boys decided to come along with us because there was a hot dog place that they have been dying to eat at.  While stuffing my face with a foodie's dream chili dog definitely outweighs shopping in my books any day I opted for hanging with my baby girl.

As it turns out we had a great time.  Not that I'm surprised.  She is a really fun person to be around.  She's a marathon shopper, but I won't hold that against her.  Anyway, as we were breezing by Victoria's Secret my sweet baby girl asked: "Mom, how come it's so hard for you to leave the house sometimes?"

Uh oh.  Busted.  She's noticed the anxiety.  And probably for quite a while before actually asking about it. Jeezers.   Couldn't she have asked where babies come from again?  That was a fun conversation from our past.

Where to start?  How do I explain that Anxiety is Depression's 'mean girl' best friend?  Anxiety is the one that gives you the dirty look while Depression is lying to your face.

Anxiety, Depression & Stress. Aren't they pretty?

Let me just clarify that I'm not depressed.  I'm actually really happy and healthy.  What does happen though, is seemingly simple things like leaving the house for groceries, attending a party or planning an outing with my kids can seem like an insurmountable task.  I can literally create a worry or fear from nothing and I do it really well. 

Sometimes I do it so well that I stay home.  Where I feel safe.  Sadly this often means that I miss out on some pretty spectacular things.  I hate that it happens and I work every day at preventing it.  I've been working extra hard at it since our home renovation began and I'm outside of the house for over 10 hours a day!

I rarely let it win.  As a matter of fact, I use it as an excuse to get over my fears.  Too scared to snorkel in Cuba?  I'll do it anyway.  Ladder looks to high?  I'll climb it until it's second nature.  I refuse to go on medication because I am better than it.

still my baby

At the risk of sounding less than humble, I've gotten pretty good at listening to my body and designing a lifestyle that includes diet and exercise to control what I can and prayer and faith to let go of what I can't.  I don't always win.  I sometimes back out from plans at the last minute, leave events early or refuse to leave the house but those days, hours and moments are shrinking.

She didn't ask many questions.  But I'm sure she'll think up some good ones to spring on me when I least expect them.  That's just how she rolls.

In the mean time, I will stroll through this giant mall and engage in some retail therapy with my now-taller-than-me little girl.


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