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I was watching the season premier of the new Bachelorette TV show mid May when I thought: “Wow, there is a big jewel about dating that people can take away from this show”.
O.k. so you are probably thinking: “What could I possibly learn from a completely set-up TV show”. You might be one of the many people who gets that “the Bachelorette” is completely fake. I know it’s all made up. They edit the scenes to make certain people look great and others look like the witch or the evil guy. You are right, it’s a setup.
Yet, when the Bachelorette meets the 25 men for the first time, and when each one of them steps out of the limousine, something happens that no reality show TV producer can plan for.
Yes the set-designer can set the mood and create a stunning backdrop with the mansion. The sound editor can make sure that the music is dramatic at the right moment. The make-up artist can enhance someone’s beauty. But the honest, true connection between two people is not something that anyone can create.
But wait!
There is someone who can influence that honest true connection in the crucial 10 seconds of meeting someone. And that person is You!
Yes, you have the opportunity to dramatically influence those first 10 seconds between you and the person you are attracted to.
How you ask?
Most of you will agree that the first 10 seconds of meeting someone are very crucial. They are actually the 10 seconds that can make or break a relationship. If you don’t make the connection you will never go on a first date.
In my two-year Leadership and Transformation certification program with renowned relationship experts Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, I’ve often heard them suggest: “Say something simple that is unarguably true.” This creates the foundation for authenticity and honesty right from the beginning.
Also, by sharing unarguably about yourself you create the sense that “the truth can be told here” it’s an invitation for the person to join with you.
Imagine that you are at a party and you are trying to decide what to eat. You notice the person who is coming up to the buffet next to you and you feel an attraction. So you take another few looks and the person glances at you and you make eye contact.
You might say:
“Great party. What are you eating?” – whichis what I call being “The Minimalist”.
Or you might say:
“Cool party. You have to try the avocado dip– it’s killer!” – this one I call the “Keep it Cool”.
Or you might say:
“Wonderful party. Tom & Mindy are such great hosts, don’t you think so? Have you tried the avocado dip? Do you know Tom or Mindy? I actually know Mindy from back in grade school. She looked so different back then….” – this one I call “The Rambler”.
What each one of these approaches have in common, is they lack a sense of authentic sharing and connection. The key ingredients speaking the unarguable truth, and revealing about oneself are missing.
So let’s look at how you might include the key ingredients of speaking the unarguable truth and revealing something honest about yourself.
Imagine the same scenario at the party. How about, you share a simple statement such as:
“I’m having a hard time deciding what to eat.I notice you were looking at the avocado dip. I’m wondering if it has garlic in it?”
This is very simple – yet it has the key ingredients of speaking a truth and revealing something about you in the sentence.
It’s not just the words; it’s also your attitude. If you are trying to hide behind a “Keep it cool” mask, the sentence above is not going to make a connection. You have to be willing to be authentic and revealing. Don’t try to create a good pick up line. Stay in the moment. Pay attention to what is true for you in the moment. Whether that is “I’m feeling cold” or “I’m feeling excited and nervous” – speaking authentically in the first 10 seconds creates the foundation on which you can build your relationship.
