On Meeting Your Needs

Are you a women who doesn't have a clear vision of what you want your life to be like?

So many women have no idea how to take a dream or desire, set an intention, then craft a plan to accomplish that dream. Girls are told they can get an education, dream about the future, but as they make that happen; family, religious and societal norms pressure them into service to their jobs, to their families, partners and children. Yes participation in all those areas of life is important, but many times women don't know how to balance other's needs with needs of their own. Guilt ensues and your own needs are long forgotten.

Do you remember your dreams as a girl?

I remember the activities I dreamed about but I'm not so clear on what I wanted to do for a career. I know there was never a question that I would have a flourishing career.

When you live on autopilot, putting everyone's needs ahead of your own, many times the feelings of fulfilment and accomplishment are confused with control and order. Holding tight control over every aspect of your family's lives hardly ever saying "no" to requests of your time is just a substitute for facing your internal life and chaos. It's no wonder women are the largest consumers of anti-depressants.

I lived in a similar fashion for a long time because there were urgent situations that required me. My son had significant developmental delays which was concluded to be Asperger's Syndrome. From the moment we figured that out our lives were focused on the best care we could give him no matter what the cost. How costly I didn't know until my health really hit bottom from chronic asthma, adrenal fatigue, excess weight and stress, blown hormones, doped up on asthma and allergy meds, and drinking too much to cope.


Yes the situation wasn't the easiest but it brought me so many gifts that I can't even count. My son who is a spectacularly compassionate and bright child. My partner is my true partner and our daughter is one of the most amazing people I know. Our bond was made stronger by adversity.


It took me a long time to acknowledge that the situation was a crutch so I wouldn't have to acknowledge that I let go of my dreams and I wasn't living up to my potential nor meeting my needs.


Women are taught throughout their lives that their dreams aren't as important as meeting everyone else's needs and in fact it is selfish to put themselves first. It's so tragic because when a woman is fulfilled she reaches her true potential and everyone's needs are exponentially met.


Here are some small steps to start understanding your needs and reigniting your dreams: (Don't worry we are just trying to bring your needs, dreams and desires to the surface and to the present … baby steps here.)

1. List Your Excuses

 

List what you put off because you; don't have the money, don't have the time, can't find someone to watch the kids, etc. Don't put anything on your list that benefits anyone else, this list is about YOU; your wants, your desires, your dreams. This is about you being selfish. Yes, selfish.

2. Write

 

Write down some of your old dreams or the dreams that are lingering in your recent memories. These would be the "that would be so nice..." kind of dreams or the "I would love to do that..." kind of dreams. Don't forget the "I could never do that…" dreams that you toss aside as well.


3. Choose One Thing

 

Just choose one thing that you want to do. Start making some notes on what it will take to reach that goal. For example, we will use "lose 15 pounds" as a quick example. How would you go about doing that?

 

  • Keep a food journal, log what you eat and how you feel physically and emotionally afterwards.
  • Increase your physical activity (not beating yourself up about what you don't do now).
  • Learn about different foods; what to minimize and what to include in your diet.
  • Learn about chemicals and toxins in your environment and how they might be sabotaging your efforts.
  • Incorporating new habits to manage chronic stress.
  • Journal every day about the things that emotionally weigh you down.
  • Keep moving - take breaks in the day to move your body in enjoyable ways.
  • Break down your larger goal of 15 pounds into smaller increments.
  • Realize that the 15 pounds isn't a destination; your focus is on the journey to reach the goal. This keeps you present in the Right Now.
  • Start building your support network of like-minded cheerleaders.
  • Give yourself the gift of time. You need to ditch the "I need it done now" mentality.

 

The point here is to take any dream, desire or task and start breaking it down into actionable steps. You can apply this same formula to increasing your income, starting your dream job, getting off the pharmaceuticals, or ditching a detrimental habit.


(Want more tips about your overall well-being? Download my easy to implement report 8 Roots to Cultivate Lifelong Well-being and Get Your Euphoria Back!)

 

4. Brainstorm

 

Start brainstorming and writing notes about how you are going to make those dreams a reality. The words "no way", "can't", "shouldn't", "if" have no place in your journaling.


These are some of the first steps to help you awaken what you have left dormant in your in your heart and life. You don’t need to see the whole staircase, you just need to make that first step up.


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