jadarain2 : MyBlogHer Profile

     I am a MOMMY I get very excited over that considering the fertility doctor that is the best in the country they say...told me he could continue taking my money but I would never have children due to the fact that my right ovary was the size of a pea! Well Mr.Expert Fertility Doctor.....God decided you were wrong, YEAH!!!! I have two of the most amazing little girls, I love them so much, they gave me a new lease on life. I was not the person I wanted to be, I didn't like who I had become, a self centered, glob of a mess, I was skinny, pretty, could make friends with anyone, and I was miserable from the life I had built myself without kids, always saying I was fine with the fact I was never going to have sweet, adorable, great smelling, little babies!! In truth I had hid from the fact that I did want children, even one would have been great, so I just hid my pain in a handful of pain pills, that wasn't good, just trust me on that one, you really don't want to find that one out for yourself!!! Then out of nowhere I was pregnant, 34 years old, no life, dependent on pain killers, so depressed I didn't have a clue of who I was......then SHE happened, Raina Gail Emily the very sunshine in my life, oh I was scared, scared of the hole I had dug myelf with the pain pills, but  hopeful that I could get some help and have a beautiful baby and a beautiful new start to life!! It was hard, I cannot tell you how hard, all I can say is SO VERY HARD, but I went to the doctor and told him everything the moment I knew I was pregnant, and he was very understanding and way happy that I told him that early on, he worked with me and helped me all he could, and my baby was born healthy, and without withdrawal syndrome, thank God!!!! After all of those years lonely, miserable, dependent, and just a over all goobly, goobly mess!!!! I had my girl and then 5 years later I had another my precious Jada Lynn, they are now 8 and 3 years old!!! I now am trying to find myself and who I really am and what I am capable of doing, now with a clear mind, and a heart to succeed for my girls, I have to give them a future. I just have to!!! I have been researching work at home options, but have come up against a brick wall, I can't turn into a millionaire with the network marketing, I just don't have the personality to stay after everyone I know, to buy my products and not only that but to sign up for autoship while their at it, and I even order from one of the companie's I tired to make money with, I love their products, they are safe and effective cleaning products, but I do this out of my need to  protect my girls from the toxins in the ones we buy of store shelves, I am outraged at the fact that the hid the dangerous ingredients they were using, able to self regulate theirselves, and leave certain ingredients of the ingredients list!!!! Thats outrageous, and so not fair and we should all ban buying their cancer causing products, but when it comes to convincing others of that I totally SUCK,  I mean suck!!!!! So I just order them and know that I am not causing my children to get cancer with the household cleaners I use, so that alone makes me happy, even if I never ever make a dime!!!!