Beautiful Catastrophe: The Death and Rebirth of Becoming a Mother

So I was hanging out the other day with a friend who has a newborn. A freaking gorgeous newborn boy, to be exact. He is her first baby. She has recently become a mother. You know, when we hear those words we hear them like it’s no big deal -- “become a mother,” like you might “become a doctor” or “become a pet owner.” As if it’s just this thing that happens, without anything else happening -- it’s just this exciting addition to one’s life. You add this new thing and go about your business. Like a new-home owner, or a resident of a new town....more
Wow, I wish women talked openly about this.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and ...more

How Jessica Simpson Became my Hero

Well, now. That’s not a sentence you hear every day. Even Jessica herself might be a little surprised to read that one.Or, perhaps even more alarming, she might not.Anyhoo, the other day on the trusty cardio machine I was reading my trusty trash magazines and I saw a picture of Jessica during her baby shower. [Um, how much did she rake in for letting People Magazine cover that one?] And as I saw her I thought to myself “WOW. She’s gained some WEIGHT.”...more

Hey Time Magazine: Are you MAN Enough?

Hey Time Magazine. Are you man enough?Are you man enough to take it?Can you take my motherhood?Can you take my breastfeeding and baby-wearing and co-sleeping?Can you take my bottle-feeding and strollers and cribs?Can you comprehend my ambiguity?Can you fathom my depths...Can you breathe under the weight of my power?As I dodge your attacks like a milky stealth fighter - as I stride along the battleground with cracked heels and giant breasts and a mouth whispering fuck you, and goodnight moon....more
Awesome! I'm a bit behind the times in seeing this post, but I remember that awful article well. ...more

The Most Important Post I'll EVER Write.

You know what I should be doing? School work.But, I’m not.You know why?Because I need to write the most important post I’ll probably ever write in my whole life.Check it out.In 3 years, when my toddler is just four, probably going to preschool and really not needing me quite so much, and I consequently have a relapse of the terminal disease known among medical journals as “I Really Really Really Think I Need a New Baby,” please remind me of the following few moments. No really, please....more

Because her mom thinks she's FAT.

The other day, while enjoying a cookie, Ava says “Mama, wanna hear something sad?”And I’m always up for a little sadness, so of course I respond “Yes.”And she says (and names have been changed to protect the innocent) “Jessica doesn’t eat sweets. She isn’t allowed to because her mom thinks she’s fat. Today at school she wouldn’t have a cookie and when I asked her why, she told me that.”Oh boy.A “fat” nine-year-old girl.And one of those women.I want to cry a little, rage a little, break a couple faces....more
It breaks my heart to hear this because in the end what is she ultimately teaching her daughter.more

The letter that had to be written, once.

Dear Rocket, You came into this world the way you’ve remained, perfectly. You came two days before you were due (always the gentleman), in a birth that felt like the sunrise. “Turn around,” she said, “pick up your son” and you swam and I lifted and kissed you and we locked eyes and you took air and took me. Pink ball of perfection. They asked me how I felt, I said "ecstatic." You were so beautiful you took my breath away. How could it be? This boy. My son? My son. Your sister named you “Rocketship” before you were born....more

Boys vs. Girls: Arguing Gender Equality in the Goodwill Line

We chatted about the differences between boys and girls, the way a girl at five seems so oddly capable of just doing a task (even a complicated one, like putting socks on without first throwing them across the room a few times, or sitting in a chair without tipping it backwards or otherwise flailing around). The lady behind the counter agreed, having mothered five boys. Then this blonde woman behind us, who we didn’t exactly invite into our little discussion I might add, gets all condescending and pipes up: “You know, I don’t think it’s a boy/girl thing. It’s just a person thing. It’s just an individual personality difference -- it has nothing to do with being male or female. I raised a boy who is so sensitive and gentle. It’s just a human difference.” She’s impressed with herself....more
I have a "mixed pack" as I like to call them (Girl, then Boy) and they seem to fall along ...more

Does Walmart Sell Bieber?

So…remember this post? The one where I got all self-righteous about my kid’s impressive musical taste and how great a mother I am for introducing her to good music and blocking her from mainstream crap, etc., etc.? ...more
It just goes to show you that our kids will mess with us, regardless of how awesome our ...more

Motherhood. The End of Dignity.

Lemme tell ya a little story....more

I'm Supposed to Play with These Kids?

I actually considered not writing this, even though I felt compelled to do so. Because this borders a little too closely on something I may want to pretend doesn’t exist. Something I may deny. Something my ego hates to admit. Most of the time, I pretty much can’t stand playing with my kids....more
ha! I just wrote a similar post, although not written as bluntly as you. But, I feel the same ...more