SheShocks : MyBlogHer Profile

For starters, as a newbie, I'm just going to say that I'm a single (engaged 4 times to different people) 40 something chick who has led a long journey of discovery and recovery.  I'ts one day at a time, and I'm not an alcoholic, or a substance abuser, or sex addict, gambler, or any of those "insert addiction here___aholics"..  I just have to fight my daily battles with the demons of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Panic/Anxiety Disorder.  I've learned alot, and went through a period of "normalcy", full time job, graduated college, had a fiance, (fee-on-say).. Funny word, but not one that brought me any relief from panic, that's for sure. 

After my last two stints with different varieties of abuse, (domestic violence I almost didn't survive and everyday emotional and verbal abuse) I completely shut down in the relationship area.  I spent the last five year virtually alone, in a town where I knew no one.  I worked as a Guardian Ad Litem, in W.Palm Beach, Florida.  A voice for abused, abandoned and troubled children in the system.  I saw that they weren't falling through the judicial system and were being taken care of in their foster homes, or in between transitions, and also monitored potential parental terminations, making sure the child was not exposed to violent situations and that the parents were following terms of the court orders so they could keep their family unit together.   That is always the ultimate goal, to keep the child with the parents.  Termination of parental rights is the last drastic, and dreaded resort, but unfortunately it happens everyday.  After a few years, and the most rewarding and life affirming experiences, I decided I needed to come back home to Texas.  

I see you mothers on here, and I couldn't imagine, although I wish I could, being a mom.   Parenting is the hardest job there is.  Children are a gift.  I was never able to carry a child full term.  Three miscarriages later, one extremely traumatic, left doctors to conclude, I was unable to give birth naturally.  I've accepted that fact, and I believe everything happens for a reason.  I have to believe that.  I will never truly know the joys of motherhood, but everyone who blogs or talks about it allows me to enjoy and experience it vicariously, and I've also been around my best few girl friends and the years they raised their kids with and without a spouse's help.  I have the utmost respect and admiration for you mothers out there raising even one child.  It never ceases to amaze me how your job's duties have no limits, and no days off, it's a 24/7, 365 day a year, every year nonstop career.  Bless you all.