Masturbation: Does your partner know you masturbate?

So, do you do it?  Pet the mouse, comfort the kitten, make with your muffin, play with the little man in the boat, dive for the pearl, pleasure yourself. And if you’re in a relationship with someone else, possibly a fella, do you do it when he’s around, or just by your lone self?   Is this a hey, this is hot come and watch, kind of thing, or is it a “Damn, I’m tired and need to put myself to sleep,” kind of thing? ...more

I'm a female who's been on the accusatory side of the scenario you describe.

Much love, ...more

Does your relationship have an expiration date?

In July, A & I will have been dating for two years. This is pretty much the longest relationship since my marriage ended. I love this man, and I am happy, but I worry that for me, being coupled has a time stamp. My friend L is one of those women who’s got a new beau, almost like clockwork, every two years.  Whether they’re dating, living together, or even engaged, L somehow seems to start looking elsewhere around the two-year line.   ...more

I've been there.  I'm in a great relationship, but I keep waiting, waiting, waiting...for ...more

My post-graduate degree in divorce: what I've learned (about baggage, that is)

This June, I reckon, I get my postgraduate degree—in divorce, that is. It was exactly four years ago, you see, that after 20+ years of fiercely monogamous marriage, my husband and I parted ways. I’ve written before about the shock I felt, the determination to make this split an opportunity for personal growth, and the fact that, at the end of the day, I just really had no clue what I actually wanted once I was on my own. ...more

Divorced and in a wonderful new relationship that allows me to explore who I am, I have ...more

Would you come out as bi?

When the singer Pink came out as bisexual last week and I read the news, I was sitting in my home office with A, working on edit plans for a client. “This is amazing,” I said to him. “Pink said she’s into guys—and girls.” “That’s cool,” he replied, working on his database research. ...more

I have known I was bi sexual as soon as soon as I was old enough to understand sexuality. I have ...more

So, would you date a Bi guy?

For someone like me, living in oh so open-minded Northern California, the tabloid press stories about celebrities’ sex lives are kinda puzzling. Every week, there’s a story outing some star’s sexual life: “Gavin Rossdale’s ex-girlfriend is a man!” “Lindsay Lohan is gay!” “Will Smith is secret love of Tom Cruise—and his wife Jada’s on the down-lo!” “Lady Gaga’s Poker Face is about how she really likes girls!” ...more
@She Who I have an advanced degree in statistics AND I'm left handed..... but I'm a bi guy. If ...more

Friendships that turn to romance

Singer/songwriter Samantha Murphy has a fabulous song At the Laundromat" ♫ that describes a woman spending her rent money on new boots, new hair cut and color, all for the purpose of going out and finding a new guy—only then, she meets HIM over a pile of dirty clothes, yep, at the Laundromat.“No makeup on, don’t even think my hair was combed, and it’s love, it’s love, it’s love!” she sings in the catchy refrain. ...more

I've never had a lover who wasn't a friend of mine at some point!  I have always viewed ...more

Love & Devices

I confess, I am a nerdgirl who loves her toys. So this is a column about technology, toys and relationships. ...more


My MacBookPro is the first laptop of mine to make it into bed with me. It's ...more

Are past loves like past lives? Can you revisit them? --And what can they tell you?

Although I doubt I had a past life as an Egyptian princess or a cousin to Dorothy Parker, I have no doubt that the people I love and am close to now share traits with those from the past. ...more

SAll ears when you are ready,



Susan Mernit, more

Dreaming the future: My relationship(s) ten years from now

At dinner a few nights ago, I told my housemates (my boyfriend and our friend AG) that I was writing a piece for BlogHer about where I thought my relationship would be 10 years from now, and where I wanted it to be. The conclusion to the story I told them was “and I’m going to say I hope I have more than one meaningful relationship 10 years from now, and maybe that other relationship will be with someone like C.” “Wow,” said AG. ...more

In ten years, I hope to be in a place similar to the place that I'm in now.  My very deep ...more

Love in the Time of Layoffs, or One Works, the Other doesn't

 For many of the people I know, it’s as if, all of a sudden, the bubble burst and their income—or their credit—took a nose dive. Formerly employed writers are on food stamps, caterers are taking in roommates, and people are assessing what they have—jewelry, vacation rentals, artwork—that they can afford to sell without losing too much of their former profits. ...more

I've just voluntarily gone down to four days a week - and ...more