Single & Over 40: Holiday Self-Esteem Survival Tips

Winter holidays not only raise questions about our diets and our pocketbooks, they beg the question about our socialability and popularity compared to others, and about the degree of love we have in our lives, often with dire results. For over-40 single people who may not have a great love in our lives, who may be juggling family responsibilities against a desire for fun, and who are regretfully all too aware that bare little black dress is going to highlight the crepe-y, wrinkled flesh on our upper arms, holidays can be a nightmare. ...more

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Meeting the significant other’s significant others: Ten survival tips from the trenches.

One would think that being over 40 would mean having your new partner meet the family is something you could avoid, right? After all, doesn’t being a so-called mature adult, having kids old enough to drive, and having a civil relationship with your ex and his new wife mean you don’t have to manage family/new partner meet-ups? Ever? Apparently not. Bottom line is family is family and if they are at all close with you, they are going to have an opinion about who you are dating. And want to share it. As they will. ...more

This was the advice of lived experience, not surprised it parallels your own.

Hugs, ...more

Sex & relationships: What's the right degree of transparency for you?

What do people know about you online? What do they know about your personal life, your sexual preferences, the little things that make you go weak in the knees? How do others understand how you perceive yourself? How comfortable you are with your own sexuality? With your relationship life choices? With the people you live with and/or date? ...more

Transparency can be a difficult issue.  When I first visited with a group of women who read ...more

I put a spell on you: when friendships falter and fail, and what (not) to do

Is there anything worse than the unvoiced but clearly visible tension between two people who are supposedly friends—but for some reason aren’t really, not anymore? Maybe the experience of feeling angry and resentful toward a so-called friend, but not feeling comfortable expressing how hurt you feel? Or the worry that a slight or oversight someone made was actually deliberate, malicious, clearly intended? ...more

enjoying the range of great comments fron everyone-

Susan Mernit, more

Reflections on living together, it's just been a week….

Eleven months ago, A and I started talking about living together, and this week we moved into our own little house. It’ s been four days, and let me tell you, as much as I thought I knew pretty much all of the picture about A…you, know, I didn’t. ...more

I've almost been married for a whole year, and I can still remember the day my husband and I ...more

Joined, Not Merged--Keeping a room of one’s own

I spent most of today at my new house, directing the movers and then unpacking box after box of items: glasses, dishes, books, clothes—even someone who tries to continually pare down, as I do now, can accumulate more than she realizes. A was around for the first part of the morning, carrying boxes out from the car, then went to the office, leaving me with the fellas. ...more

Hey BlogHer folks!  I noticed in my stats that a post I wrote about part of my abuse recovery ...more

Trick & treat! Vampire erotica around the blogosphere

It’s Halloween eve, a cool night in this dark end of the North Country of Abernicht. The wind whips in through the castle’s casement window and you draw your cloak more closely around your shoulders, noting the little puffs of elf-fires lighting the road far below you. You are watching Sir Sterling and his retinue making their way toward the castle after a long afternoon of hunting in the wood when suddenly, a tingle of the hairs on the back of your neck make you realize you are not alone. ...more

Sex: Comfort seekers, thrill seekers, and where do you fit? (And how can you be both?)

Some friends and I were discussing sex and relationships the other day and one of them brought up an interesting premise. She thought that most people could be divided into two types: thrill-seekers, and comfort-seekers, and that those impulses drove their sex and relationships behavior. ...more

Definitely both for me and I also agree with what Lisa Williams wrote (that it could also be ...more

How can I ditch thee? Let me count the ways

Let’s see, a couple of years ago there was the about to be divorced friend of a friend who had dinner with me one evening, proclaimed his interest in doing all sorts of things together in the future, and then didn't email or call; behaviors, that, at the time left me totally shocked (I thought that if someone said they wanted to see you and then changed their mind, they’d pass that knowledge on.) ...more

And it's really mean when someone says your friendship is so important and then totally dumps ...more

The Cheap Date and 15 Ways to Have Fun Ones (without feeling like a cheapskate)

Since I’ve spent the past week watching the stock market plummet and looking for a place for me and the boyfriend to move into, I have money on the brain. And it occurred to me that just because we were all worried the banks might fail (what do you think?), that didn’t mean people were going to stop going out, dating, or meeting strangers for coffee—it just meant that there was a greater need for things to do that wouldn’t cost as much money. ...more

Check out community newspapers and websites... I can always ...more